When all is said and done

It’s a new week and a new month and there are news.
For example, our washing machine has broken. This is of course great news, because it means we have to use innovative ways to not smell (raggardusch) and its good to not get lazy, to constantly have to develop new skills and ways of doing things. But other than the new week, new month and new newspiece about the waching machine, there is not much new. At least not if you ask CC. Because apparently…

“I HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING. I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING.”

THis is a genuine quite from CC, said in broad daylight, not under the influence of any suspicious substances. It sort of implies that everything is just OLD and DONE. Lucky for us, CC was actually talking about nightclubs. And why all roads lead to Raffles.

June?

And it’s already June, somehow..

Since my last post, nothing too much has happend. I’ve been doing the work at SNOG pure frozen yoghurt, strutted my stuff on the catwalk (picture is coming ofcourse), shooting an lookbook for the same collection of clothes i walked for, and then I’ve eaten quite alot of that frozen yoghurt aswell.

Life can’t get better? Yes, I think it can, on Thursday night after another show I will take my small hand luggage over my shoulder, take my boots and “blus” on me and start the not very long nor very exciting adventure back home to Sweden. But when there, there is going to be an adventure..
As our younger sister graduates from A-levels, and that means proper celebrations. I arrived in Hudiksvall 3pm which means i just have to throw myself out there with a drink in my hand as soon as possible and show those kids how to do the stuff..

This post did not really tell you any “news” really, but thats a bit how i do my blogging – just alot of words and nothing too much exciting!

Oh, right! almost forgot..
The lookbook “Boysbygirls” – (Top 40 newcomer guys 2011 London) was published on the 25th of May. They even have a website where you could find moi, and modelstories (more to come from me than the first one) to read! Check it out!

http://www.boysbygirls.co.uk/index.php/boys/thomas-tollstedt#

http://www.boysbygirls.co.uk/index.php/stories/thomas-t-at-the-royal-college-of-art-grad-show

The last link is from 1th&2th of June when strutted my stuff on that fine catwalk!

Tommie out

Welcome Daddy Rislöw

Daddy Rislöw is in town for the weekend and except for enjoying his lovely daughters company, eat great food, stroll the streets of London, shop til he drop (he’s elins dad after all) and drink pimms he is also raffeling with us tonight. Cause you know what they say – everyday I’m raffeling.

Being Elins dad i hope Daddy Rislöw will own the pole with us. Or at least do some dancing. I can accept sitting on sofa edge if that’s what he’ll give me but I will be strict on just sitting in the sofa – that’s not raffeling the way it’s supposed to be done.

Welcome to London and Raffles mr Rislöw – we will take good care of you and have you dancing like you never have before.

Shadow heart

The people that leave imprints in your heart leave their shadow firmly stuck to your hearts walls. Even if you shut your heart down, distance it, the shadow is still there. It’s no making it fade away until enough time has passed and even then a tiny outline can always be traced.

The older you get the more shadows are stuck in your heart. Not a bad thing but sometimes it gets a bit over crowded – mingling with all the shadows of your loved ones you hold dearly are the ones you wish you could banish, the ones that still hurt if you happen to shine a light on them.

From time to time they make you feel over flowed with dark shadows of passed loves and missed oppurtunities. Make you so weary, an overpowering tiredness that make the heart shrink, keel over and beg for surrender.

With all those shadows stuck in your heart it’s hard making room for new ones. As with everything in life it’s sometimes badly needed with a detox – a shadow heart detox to give space for new bright light shadows.

Swedish meatball fiesta

Yesterday Elin made one of her epic swedish dinner and treated me, Tompa and Tom to properly made meatballs. Tom acted sous chef and helped out with the mash and I was Santas little helper and made the ‘pressgurka’. Tompa just ate.

Everything needed for meatballs including lingonberry jam, pressgurka and brunsås. Yummy!

A ravished table. 1 kg of minced meat is not to much for 3 hungry swedes and an almost swede.

I was going to show the disgusting top of our dishwasher as a little treat but like everything else remotely technical in my life right now my phone suddenly rebooted and went haywire this morning (read – broke down as have the washing machine) and everything is gone incl the lovely photos. To bad for you!

A very expensive spooning

Hjalle took care of me, cooked for me and let me crash in his flat saturday. That turned out to be an expensive experience…

*skeda = spooning

Old love

I just talked to my ex boyfriend Magnus about his new girlfriend and I realised how time pass. It feels like yesterday my heart would ache at the mere thought of him and I thought that we’ve destroyed eachother for ever with all that hurt. Love that turns into pain when you cant reach the other person. Love that turns into self loathing when you see the pain you bring upon the person you love. Love that turns into sleepless nights of hoping to find the courage to end what hurts.

Years have passed and we’ve turned that soul wrecking, heart turning, painful love into a beautiful friendship. I wont say it was easy cause it certainly wasn’t. For a long time I was so in tune with him that I couldn’t function without mirroring what I thought he wanted me to be. But our friendship made me see that I could love him without loving him.

Knowing that he’s met someone makes me happy. Both in an unselfish – i want to see him happy – way but also in a very selfish – i hurt him so badly and haven’t been able to put aside the guilt – way. It felt like I broke the most loving person I’ve ever met and every time he told me he felt cold and distant I remembered the boy i fell in love with who had the biggest heart I’ve ever met. I felt our history was part of him not being able to let anyone in.

I’m happy for his heart being opened again. And i hope mine will when a black piece of guilt is gone.