Lights in the dark

I don’t remember if life is always this bleak in November. From the day i decided to become a happy person i treat feeling down like pain. I forget how bad I felt once it’s gone.

It resonances in my body though, it remembers feeling like this. Waking up in the morning and finding it oddly hard to get out of bed. How everything is questionable. November gray. Small for no reason.

I’m used to my life changing around me, out of my control. Since growing up that’s been happening with frequency. I’m starting to feel a bit sick, need my world to slow down. Need my mum. I’ll see her tonight and counting on her presence to blanket away some of this feeling. We are having chicken Kiev. That will make her happy.

I miss people. Feels like I constantly walk around missing people. In an ever changing world there are so many to love but also to lose.