It’s hard remembering who you are

Oliver commented on the fact that I seem so happy on the blog:

‘Reading your blog one gets the impression that you are feeling pretty perky! Lots of awesomeness and Epicness… I am very pleased to hear it – even if I am wondering how my moody Scandi princess got replaced with a Californian teenage skate rat.’

It made me think how i get myself out of bad times and the way I act. I’ve done this before, had a period in my life that’s been unmanageable and things around me falling to pieces. Once i start feeling better it’s like I need to convince the world and myself that I’m all sunny smiles and happiness. I dont want anyone to worry about me.

I went down to Lund in dyed black and red hair looking like a lesbian punk rocker and came back 6 months later in baby blue sparkly shoes and brown locks refusing to even acknowledge the fact that I’m a moody one more prone to reading and thinking than partying and gossiping.

I can feel myself doing it again. Going from all black 80’s rock and roll chick to skirts and blouses. Not that there is anything wrong with it, I just want to make sure I can still look myself in the eyes in 6 months time and see that depressed prone person in me and if I dont try and hide her she might not feel the need of coming barging out when I least need it.
 

It’s hard to not be absolutely, madly in love with life

Exciting things in our post nowadays. Just when I’ve finished my salty candy box (yes, that took 2 days) another thing arrived in our home.

The save the date for Laura and Sebs wedding. Woohooo. They are tying the knot in Florida. Knowing them it will be an awesome wedding and it’s not boring that it will be under the Floridan sun in the middle of grey and boring November.

This year is shaping up to be some amazing trips ahead. Sri Lanka over easter, Somerset in spring, Norway for this summer and Florida in November. Of course a couple of Swedish trips in between. I’ve said it all along, 2013 is going to be epic!

It even smells a bit of spring in the air

Blue skies and sun outside. Tolle tells me the power of now and I choose to run out for a 45 min walk during lunch rather than rot in front of the computer even if whatever shit I have in my body makes today a tired one.

My wonderful boyfriend tell me he’ll cook food for me tonight and i dream of spring.

Wednesday words of widom

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step..

3. Life is too short – enjoy it..

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7… Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9.. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11… Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it…

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16… Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t
save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23 Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will
this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does..

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38.. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d
grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Things that happen

Another day, another story to tell. Sometimes life is a bit of that hamster wheel but it doesnt matter, my hamster wheel is filled with sweeties and magical movies.

Yesterday I came home to home cooked dinner by Miranda. Chorizo and bean stew. Yum. After that we set up the projector in the living room and watched The Fisher king. Proper, weird 90’s movie with ‘The Dude’ and Robin Williams. Loved that everyone was so completely mental.

This morning on the tube read some of my Eckhart Tolle book Julia gave me. Makes you think, or well, rather NOT think. That’s hard. Being the point of the book to stop thinking I feel it’s aimed at me and my over obsessive mind. So not only am I addicted to sweeties and sugar but now also to thinking. Hey, when I was young you were fine as long as you stayed away from heroin and morning time drinking, nowadays everything seems to be something to be addicted too.

 

A very bad picture of our projector. It tells the story of me laying like a toad in the sofa. What you cant see in the picture are all the chocolate balls and sweeties I ate. Oooops.  

Sri Lanka

Oh, I just realized something I haven’t told you.

We’ve just booked our tickets to Sri Lanka. That’s right, from 29th of March to 11th of April we’re frolicking around on Sri Lanka (not sure how much frolicking it will actually be but have this vision of me in a summer dress jumping up and down on the beach grinning like an idiot).

Oliver is working for the first couple of days and I’ll be his assistant. Yes, the uglifier will be taking picture at this high society wedding making even the most botoxed lady look old and craggy. I’m happy. I get to become best friends with everyone so I can take the embarrassing after hour pictures.

After all that hard work we are just going to chill, wear practical clothes and eat.

It was the most epic gift ever

After all that suspense…what would be in that candy box sent to me from the worlds best Jules??

I hurried home from work, took a detour past tesco to pick up baked potatoes for Swedish dinner (today’s swedish dinner was baked potatoes with sour cream, caviar and chives) and then finally in the door.

On the table was the package

I slowly opened it…

…dum dum dum…

…SALTY LIQUORICE!!!!

Really!! Julia, you are the best. Any Swedish expat worth their name dream wet dreams of this. I had to brace myself to not down it all before dinner. I managed and that means more tonight. Win!

This is turning out to be the best Monday ever!!

Oliver sent me a picture from today’s mail.

Let’s take a second and contemplate this…

 

Its and image of a package with the name Godisboxen (sweetie box). This is, without doubt, the best thing any package can have on the front. 

 

On the back is an image of this lovely baby vampire. Sweeties, best friends and vampires… this is turning out to be one epic gift and i havent even opened it yet.

 

But I need to hold my horses and wait until I’m home. Someone apparently need to step up his game, this camera is working alarmingly well.   

Julia, love you. Today, tomorrow and forever. Not only for the fact that you are awesome but because you know me so well. I mean, sweeeties, for real!

Bowling and pink sparkly birthday cakes

Monday…again. It feels like it’s always Monday. Must have to do with that thing that we feel negative things much more than positive. Therefore the week consists of about 50% Mondays and only 5% Fridays. Statistically proven.

Anyway, as Mondays go this is a pretty rocking one. Weather was lovely this morning and except for my initial feeling of dead this morning I’m actually quite sparkly today.  Lots of meeting and then home. Said no to going to see a depressing movie about torture ‘with no human sentiment’. Feels like a good call, my boyfriend can enjoy himself on his own with that one.

 

Friday and bowling up north. Dress code was ghetto fabulous, I went for prim and proper school teacher. 

Awesome place. Drinks were 2.70 each and music was old school 90’s (yes, Vanilla Ice was played)

 

  

Candices birthday. She got the awesomest cake eve! A pink bowling bowl with sparkles. Cant get better than that for a princess.

The gang. There was 20 of us drinking jägerbombs and bowling (in that order). 2nd time around i won over Oliver, I will never let him forget that. After this me, Oliver, Candice and Ben went out for some dancing to 4 in the morning. So worth it.  

On Saturday Buzz and knytkalas at Kix’s. Sunday came with a walk in the park (once we got out of the house) and dinner at the japanese. Oliver painted the tea pot while I had to entertain myself on my phone. Think it’s payback for all the times I’ve played bears.

To my friends (the longest post ever)

I’m warning you, this post will be long. There is so much I want to say on this subject that it will have to be as long as it have to be. No short cuts or snappy comments. Some things need their space because they are important, sometimes life sustaining.

So, if you dont have a couple of minutes over stop reading now.

Still here? Well then, I will tell you about my friends. The ones that keep me (somewhat) sane and for whatever reason thinks I’m worth all the love in the world. A girl cant say no to that.

There is ‘the girls’. Most girls have a group called ‘the girls’, I am no exception. Mine is my trusted warriors from Lund (and Maggie). Sanna, Filippa, Sussie, Bella and Maggie. We have lived SATC life in NYC, done the Inca trail, danced in the streets of Havanna and on the bar in T-bar, we have had tuesday dinners and talked about everything, we have supported each other through everything.

Sanna is the eternal dreamer of a better life. Whether it’s a farm with cows or high heels in Paris doesnt matter as long as you can dream away. Since we met in Chamonix 13 years ago she have been by my side through ups and downs, through ghost stories and long walks around Djurgården and through dinners of ‘clean the fridge’ pasta. I know she’ll be there for another set of stories and always help me dream of the best life there is.

Filippa – the only one of my friends that can make me as pissed off as only a sister can. Love can do that to you. She is strong willed and always have an opinion as well as the most loyal person I know. The same way she will challenge you if she thinks you are wrong she will also challenge any one having a bad word to say about you. My crazy party friend that will turn any night into laughter and that will also open her home without a question if you need her.

Sussie is the groups smallest but biggest person. Being near her is feeling home. It’s knowing that whatever blows outside the window she will always take your hand and listen. Really listen to what you have to say and try to understand you whatever you are thinking. She goes her own way but turns around and give you a smile whenever you call her name. She loves to laugh and you cant help laughing with her.

Bella, my little Bella. We became friends the last year in Lund and I understood that here was someone to keep. No matter what its someone to keep fighting for, you want a place in her heart because she makes you feel special. Fiery temperament and a never stopping mind makes every conversation interesting and her concern for you makes you feel that there is someone out there that cares. Always. She will listen to you, she will come to you when you need her and she will look into your eyes and see you.

Maggie – we shared the heartache of the one of the hardest times of your life. Looked in the mirror and asked ourselves why but knew in our hearts its because we were forming memories and a never ending friendship. Maggie always want so much, she wants to do everything and the same goes for her friends, she will run around the world with you because if she loves you she wants you by her side always.

My girls makes Sthlm a hard place to leave but a wonderful place to come back too.

Talking about Sthlm I cant forget my Julia. The blond, over achieving, always talking, singing, dancing wonderful little Julia. So much has happened to her and all of that she turns into something good, something to make her even cooler and better. I love her for that, for making me feel like I want to be an even better person and for being a better person in her eyes. And for dressing up as a cheerleader vampire and dance with me for hours.

The last of my friends I need to mention (that doesnt mean that the rest of you dont mean the world to me) is Chrisse and little Malte. My two friends who fell in love and became my best couple. Chrisse who will take care of my mind by educating me in fantasy and like a true Gandalf help me in my path of life as well as making sure I could drink endless amounts if liquorice shots when my heart needed it and Alexandra who knows how it feels when the world is too much for you and who always remembers you when you need it. They make me feel that I have somewhere to go whenever I need it.

What about London? My home. Yes, I have managed to find people here that makes my life the best. Except for my boyfriend there are some extraordinary people.

Kix – crazy, wild, party child kix and caring, motherly, loving Kix makes up the perfect combination that I love so much. She took my hand when I needed it and helped me do the things i needed to do. Believing in me and making me feel in my heart I could do it because she felt it. Gathering her family around her and letting me be a part of it. With Robin by her side that makes everyone around him feel that he is there no matter what, Tompa, the sweetest man there ever was with a love for tipp dancing and chai tea, Lisen, living out the dreams you forgot you had and ziggy, kissing my face when it’s the only thing I need.

Ben, my frog. Anyone who’s ever sat up at 5 in the morning listening to the frog song och realizing this is the stuff friends are made off know what i talk about. That somewhere in this big city is someone who can always, no matter what, make you feel better.

Elin and Tom. The sweetest couple there is. The friends that live in my heart even if I dont see them. The two people who held me when i cried and whispered that everything would be ok. Elin, who sent me little gifts to showed me that I was loved and who made me a home I could relax in when life was too hard out there. Tom – my window smoker friend who danced with me liked there was no tomorrow and always made me feel that the world is good.

Dani, welcomed me to London, took me under her wings, invited me into her life and showed me that even if you come from different countries you can soul mates in the true sense of the world. Every time i see her I think that we are meant the be friends, it’s part of who i am supposed to be. This beautiful girl with the love for vodka and late night partying as well as long talks in the ski slopes before throwing her self out in the snow with joy is part of me.

Lat but not least, the man across the seas. Laxen. A colleague who became a friend. The guy who loves a party more than anything but also will see when you are sad and offer to watch girly movies with you all weekend if that makes you happy. The one you’ll dance the night away with in Paris chasing the decadence and that will also take you out for lunch on your birthday and make you feel like a princess. Shame he is living in Aussie – a win for them but a loss for me.

With all of these people in my life I am blessed and then I havent even mentioned my family. People that are so close that I can barely think about them without tearing up because they are not where I am.

(Told you it would be long, how can it not when Im talking about the most important thing in life)