When i truly felt it

– Being 15, laying on your sofa that you’ve made into a bed watching Bonnie and Clyde hearing your voice say ‘this could be us’ and all im really feeling is ‘take me out of here’.

– Sitting on those stairs with the morning sun slowly warming my bones feeling like nothing ever is going to be ok again. Suddenly you come out, wrap your arms around me and I feel like home.

– Seeing in an old friends eyes how much i’ve changed in my want to become someone new, someone happy. Not to the better her eyes tells me and then I don’t see her for another 10 years.

– Being 13, the tallest girl in school and insecure about everything. ‘You have to stand in the back because you are so much taller than everyone else’ the teacher says and I try to hide myself.

– Seeing you hanging out the window in my parents’ bedroom. When I meet your eyes they scream ‘Im going to jump, I can’t go back there’. I can hug you back into the room but I can’t save you from going back to where you don’t want to go.

– When your letters stopped coming.

– The phone calls telling everyone I care about of my self hurt and destruction. My heart fluttering like a scared bird and i cant breathe.

– The second time we broke up. You looking at me saying ‘I don’t think we can ever fix this, its all too broken’.

– Crying in a theatre in New York after my friends told me that ‘you have to end this, you are not happy any longer’.

– Feeling your arms around me squeezing our dog between us. You still feel like home.

1 thought on “When i truly felt it

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