Free falling

The worst about this is the sense of free falling. That no one will catch you. To not be safe.

Oliver was my safe. From the first time he hugged me on the steps and made me feel at home in a hug with a stranger he has made me feel safe. He took care of me when I burnt my leg, held my hand through my depression, he gave me a home and a family in a new country and he believed in me and that made me feel utterly and completely at home. I explained us to people by saying that he was my string and anchor to my bobbing helium balloon. He let me soar but kept me safely connected to the ground.

I dont anymore. Im not safely connected to anything. I know that’s all up to me. Be my own person and all that and im not really scared of being on my own, I know I can do it. Its the worry that i will just float without anyone to give me a home that scares me. I dont trust myself. I tend to turn flipper ball when no one is there to catch me. And no one is any longer.

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