Its almost Easter. And there is a touch of spring in the air. Sun through the window today.
Things are upside down and inside out. I wake in the mornings and feel disoriented. The flat feels lonely. I make dinners for 1 and have food left over to bring into lunch. Im still not sure how I ended up here.
I talked to Oliver last night. Practical stuff. My heart ache for making him happy. More than anything its what i think when i speak to him, I just want to make him happy. I know its not my place but I wish i could do things for him. I wish it more than when we were actually together at the end because I was so frustrated with the situation that I didnt want to do anything.
Its funny. Im very sad but im also filled with a feeling that i can do anything. By taking action and changing an unmanageable situation I feel strong. Like it will all work out. By doing this for me I must be set up for life to work out. Or, thats at least what i hope.
Today is a good day.
(Moomin is my new house god, clever little troll)
Letters to my family 