Insta friend – how to survive out there

Had dinner with Oliver last night. Crab. It was nice. It was supposed to be a chilli dinner from the chillis I gave him but he forgot to actually pick them. Fail.

Have told Jacke I will start dating in 3 weeks (we tend to promise eachother things we feel we should be doing but are avoiding like the plague). Because if it was up to me I would hide away from men for more or less the rest of my life. And even if that sounds like an awesome idea to me I know I need to start giving guys a chance again.

Its just so…I dont know…complicated. The whole online dating thing is weird. I find communicating with my friends tricky enough. Guys i dont know. Please. I have this app on my phone and I get messages from time to time from guys and I havent answered a single one. Because what to say? I dont really want to meet with them and like…gaaaah.

And guys i meet… Tom told me I do this thing where i turn on insta friend. He was like ‘you are a gorgeous, smart girl and still guys see you as nothing as friend. And if they later do they dont want to fuck it up because you are like the only girl they actually are worried of losing as a friend’ (eeeh, thanks. I think).

Ive heard this before but im not sure what to do about it. Or thats not 100% true, right now im so in insta friend mode. Because even if im kind of lonely and miss someone I actually dont want to meet anyone yet. Hence – awesome friend. But then I dont know how to reverse it. So I hook all my friends up with girlfriends and then im the one left wondering what the fuck just happened.

Amyways, for your amusement, some of the messages ive got from guys (and nope, not answered)

True. This would almost have earned an asnwer if it wasnt for the fact that well, he is a man i dont know and that is like weird as shit.

Effort for trying. He almost tricked me. I was like ‘OMG, ive been reading this book about werewolves and dragons’ and then i was like ‘wait a second, you are just trying to make me write you you strange man’

This guy… Paris, London, the world. I like his use of flowers to punctuate his message and the very direct approach of making me a romantic dinner (we ALL know what that mean) and the ‘lets meet tomorrow’ before I have even said hi.

Wise words my friend. If you were an actually singer and wrote me a song you would have been home safe (and also kind of weird) but I like the effort.

Yeah, its a jungle out there. I think its safer to sit back at the sofa for the 3 weeks I have left before I need to live up to my promise. And work the magic of insta friend.

Vision II

Summer is truly over now and with that the feeling of endless possibilty and being allowed to do whatever you want. At the moment im comtemplating going to the gym and doing generally grown up things. Im also worried this will mean hopelessness but with pretty much every weekend booked until Christmas (87 days btw) im sure ill keep myself entertained.

Picked up mini squid from Ol yesterday and being a dog and pretty much always happy he kept bringing me toys in the hope one of them would work for me to play with him. Run over, drop it, pick it up and run off hoping ill chase.

But mummy too tired. And cooking. The closest to a house wife ill ever get.

Being a dog there are so much else you can do. Like sleep. Upside down ass up. Life goals.

Love having W but sometimes wish i was a bit freer on my weekday nights. Its probably very good for me but tip from the coach, dont get a dog if you work full time in a super busy city if you are planning to break up.

Fashion and ping pong

Monday – hard to miss this most hated day of the week. Mine started bleary eyed and tired after a night of weird dreams and tossing and turning. Walked in and everything felt a bit better in the sunny autumn weather.

On Friday I went on my blind friend date (as in a blind date, not a date with a blind friend). It was Miles friends girl friend Hannah who had tickets to this fashion thing at Saatchis. We saw a fashion show and wished we could buy all the clothes. I realised id been destroyed after my years with Oliver when i got REALLY upset about having to pay for my own champagne. WTF.

I then went to see lollo, had another drink and came home to admire my new coat I picked up at the event (if picked up is the same as bought).From Maison Scotch. Since this is a shit pic here it is in all its glory.

I got it big so it looks kind of punky. But baby blue. With a star studded leather belt. You hear…

On Saturday morning took W for a walk and saw the squirrels of Ravenscourt cover in fear writing their wills when W were bombing around.

Yup, this regal looking bad boy thinks he is the king of the park. At least there are no picnics for him to chase any longer. They dont run.

After leaving W I headed up East for drinks and Shoreditch House with the Tomlins. Deja vu. But always awesome. Espresso martinis FTW.

Squad selfie in the elevator.

We had more espresso martinis and strawberry daquiris. Played some ping pong ( I suck) and took photo booth pics. Tom tried to get us to jump in the pool to get thrown out but it was cold man. So we left. At midnight. Crazy kids these days.

I was so up from all the coffee so when Tom went to bed at 1 I made Jason text with me on the phone for another hour. Win for him. Drunken ramblings and then I had to cancel our hang out because hanging like a troll.

Wortn it though after awesome hang out. Spent the day walking brick lane and then home to doggie, sofa, chips and sweeties.

Foxy Malin

Tired. Was up at 6 this morning. Why you might ask!? Well, at least there was bubbly to make it worth it. Me and Lollo was out for dinner at Soho House yesterday drinking one too many cocktails for this too feel all that kosher.

We started Malins hen do this morning with showing up at hers surprising her with bubbles and breakfast.

Mini pink bottles of rose. Poor me cant drink that but at least I had a mimosa. So, not poor me at all to be honest. On the other hand, bubbles at 7 in the morning…not even I.

Joint breakfast. I was responsible for bread, easier said than done to find fresh bread before 7 in the morning. All hail tesco metro. We tried to buy some from soho house yesterday but they were all out.

The theme was pink. Shocker. I wore black and red. Im a rebel like that.

Malin coming home and finding us after running around town trying to find booze dressed up in hen do sash and ears. Nothing to brighten your morning like a little humiliation.

Looking pretty perky after all.

Fun being on your hen do nowadays since no one has the time to talk to you, its all about the photos of you. Lets say that is why im not getting married (it has nothing to do with lacking that significant other)

She is so cute i kind of want to eat her.

Three very perfect looking blondies. Again, good thing you cant see me looking angry in black being less than perfect for this London version of Solsidan life.

Malin finding out she is heading to Stockholm for the weekend. Wish I could be there. Oh well, we have the wedding wich i have bought an absolutely gorgeous dress for. Might show that one later.

Treat night – me, myself and I

Last night i was supposed to go for drinks with Dimitra but she cancelled. I agree with you, what a bitch. Instead I had to head home and look after the doggie. Short changed.

To give my non exciting night a little bit more ooomph i decided to treat myself to a nice dinner. Crab, fennel sallad, cheese sandwich and cider. Yes please.

Crab is extra luxurious to me since i think about being alone with mum as a kid and she treating us to crab just the two of us. This time it was just me. Oh well, if you are single you have to do things on your own.

Like taking awkward selfies when you want to show social media your treat night.

And because i was drinking i could take a sneaky wednesday smoke. (its like the chicken and egg – am i smoking because im drinking or am i drinking to be able to smoke…)

My little dog man this morning, I wish i could also just hide my face from the world and it would be gone.

Tonight dinner with Lollo at the new soho house. Hope she doesnt cancel, maybe then i have to treat myself to lobster and bubbles. If there is a will there is a way

To my future kids

I know, I know, more BM pictures. Seriously…

Well, im thinking that one day when ive lost my mind and let my future kids read this blog (or just feel bored of being 45 living in my suburbian house with 2.5 kids) I want to be rembered as well… awesome. And kind of cool.

Because im not. Cool I mean. Im a bit crazy, have a sense of adventure and more than anything, no sense of NO, and love to do weird things but im definitely not cool. Which is fine. Cool people have too much stuck up their asses anyway.

So, future kids, if you ever read this. Mum might not be cool but she wasnt always dressed in practical clothes nagging about homework. Once upon a time she jumped around in a desert dressed as a mental patient having one or two drinks. Tops.

Good plan me to have bikini briefs on when dress flies up when you jump (tip from the coach – dont do a Paris Hilton (she is someone from when mum was young) and go commando).

This is day 6. You can see that in my unwillingness to keep my eyes open. Hence glitter.

I feel very dressed in this picture. It was cold. And i woke up with the fever from hell the day after (and well, told you, not cool)

Bromancing. After 6 days of partying the only way to get a thrill is to try and climb into the amplifier (dont do this future kids… it wont lead to anything good).

Yeah future kids, mums got nothing to say when it comes to try and stop your partying.

If you want some awesome Robot Heart music here are some of my favourite DJs https://soundcloud.com/user-774988892/sets/burning-man

Looking surprisingly fresh after all that partying. Sunglasses FTW.

Baby boom

So, a year or so ago it was all about meeting the new dogs in the London dog massive, now its all about the babies. Good thing I love babies. Bad thing i kind of want to steal them and run very, very far, change my name and maybe even dye my hair.

But. Im. Fighting. That. Impulse

Met Laura and Sebs little angel girl Marina yesterday. 2 weeks and the most amazing hair ever. Jealous (of the hair. (ok, maybe a little bit of the baby too)).

Then i came home to my flat I share with my cuz and realised the plummer killed our hot water.

Me vs adult life 0-1

My app on my phone informs me its 93 days to Christmas. Count down has begun. Everyone knows the only reason to live through rainy fall in London is Christmas, and maybe that awesome weekend that is Halloween. Thinking about Christmas had me thinking about NYE…which led me to…WHO THE FUCK am i going to celebrate NYE with (hyperventilating until realising that im a hippie and thinks it will all work out).

Yeah, anyway. Happy sunny wednesday to you all. I have filled my qouta of babies for the week so hopefully a drink tonight.

Tusen bitar

The Captain of Her Heart

6 months today. This is the date I said to myself I was going to stop counting the months and put it behind me. So i will. I’ve said it before but i’ve worked in time lines this time around and weirdly enough, it has worked for this hippie hearted, no rules girl (i guess woman att 33).

I gave myself 2 weeks to stop crying every night and after those first weeks of nightly tears I stopped and only cried when it really hurt. I mean, I cried as late as last week but at least i didnt do it in that kind of hopeless, I have given up, way. More in a ‘fuck you life’ way. As you do.

I said 2 month to stop laying in bed watching anime and start getting out and hang out with my friends and by the beginning of June I grabbed my colleagues and started life again. Spectacularly. It was like a kick in the balls of being sad.

3 months marked ‘you have to give another guy a chance, at least touch someone’. Lets just say i did.

5 months meant mid vacation and FUN. More than anything I told myself I was going to focus on having fun with my friends, living day to day and do whatever felt good. And survive being toastmaster for Tomlins. I did all of that, I really did. Had a great time in Spain, danced in Sthlm and lived like there was truly no tomorrow at BM (and well, that meant coming home with a raging fever but WTF).

So, 6 months. Half a year of us not being a couple any longer. Clichee but i AM stronger. I know better what i want and im so grateful to myself for letting me be sad over this because i do feel ready to 100% let go and meet someone awesome. You cant half do it, at least not I. I dont want to start something new still dealing with the old. Im way too sentimental for that.

The coming months i am kind of thinking ill date someone for a bit, look at changing jobs, have a lot of fun and then – around Christmas, ill be ready to meet him. Not sure I will but at least my heart will be healed enough for someone to storm in there with a smile on his face. Welcome, we will have shit loads of fun you and I. 

Babies and dogs – a night at Kixs

Decided to make my Monday a little less Monday by going to see Kix, baby Alex, Ziggy and Robin.  Great decision.

Baby Alex was so cute my heart melted a bit. He can almost sit up withouth help now, a proper little mini person.

Him and Ziggy are almost friends now, I see a lot of chances for Ziggy to do hos favourite thing and play the martyr in the future.

Ziggy was over the moon seeing me yesterday minus W and kept following me around everywhere. Mostly by sitting on my foot or…

…on my face. Owning. Whenever i tried to move he kept coming for me. ‘You are finally mine hooman’ his little brain said. That dog is one needy little things – the opposite of my Woolly.

Kix sent me a cute pic of me and baby Alex last time we met. He looks a healthy suspicious, I would too if I met me.

Tonight meeting baby Marina, cant wait.

Hanging with the OAPs

The reason W felt the need to steal my phone and send a SOS signal to his daddy was me being out and getting drunk again on Saturday. After realising it was Tommy bday Saturday my quiet weekend turned…less quiet.

Friday i was home with Woolla but on Sat i took a long walk in the morning and then parked my ass in the pub with Jason for a scrabble re run. I lost. Again.

Went to havelock and got myself a cider in anticipation for all that scarbble that was about to go down.

Jason was just back from Brazil and entertained me with stories about having his card not working and selling his body and the liver on the black market. I think that is what distracted me. He also gave me such a sweet gift in form of a hippie note book to write my future book in.

One day…

After losing I brought Jason to meet with Tommy, Danny and Jon. I bet he regretted that. Danny was on good form and kept telling poo stories (!!), Jon was almost passing out from being too drunk and Tom was, well, Tom. 

I bought a couple of jagerbombs to get them going and almost had my number bartered to the barman for free drinks before i could stop Danny.

Then i treated Tommy to an awesome bday dinner – a subway sitting on the pavement in an alley. True Cissi and Tommy style. We do have a habit of eating night food on the street. Who cares Tommy is turning 35 and should know better.

We were racing Danny hhim taking the tube instead of uber like us. Even if we had dinner, couldnt get a cab, were faffing around we won. Danny got stuck on the way, tried to nick a sandwich, got caught and then decided to ‘borrow’ a road sign because ‘i just needed to steal something’.

One happy lad proving he is NOT an OAP (old age pensioner)

Tommy just wanted to go to bed and I just wanted to have an after party. I won.

Danny and me danced to power ballads to 4 in the morning while Tommy laid on the sofa looking simultaneously pained and like it was the best thing ever. Happy bday Tommy – what better way to celebrate than watching your brother and friend make fools of themselves.

On Sunday morning I felt like shit but took a somewhat happy selfie and sent to sister before getting my ass together and heading to Hyde Park for a walk with Dan. After talking boys, boys, boys we went for a lunch in a pub and got joined by Alex visiting from Sweden.

Around 7 I could finally slump down on the sofa and consider this day done with. W and me had some serious candy and crisp time before closing the chapter on this weekend.