The Captain of Her Heart

6 months today. This is the date I said to myself I was going to stop counting the months and put it behind me. So i will. I’ve said it before but i’ve worked in time lines this time around and weirdly enough, it has worked for this hippie hearted, no rules girl (i guess woman att 33).

I gave myself 2 weeks to stop crying every night and after those first weeks of nightly tears I stopped and only cried when it really hurt. I mean, I cried as late as last week but at least i didnt do it in that kind of hopeless, I have given up, way. More in a ‘fuck you life’ way. As you do.

I said 2 month to stop laying in bed watching anime and start getting out and hang out with my friends and by the beginning of June I grabbed my colleagues and started life again. Spectacularly. It was like a kick in the balls of being sad.

3 months marked ‘you have to give another guy a chance, at least touch someone’. Lets just say i did.

5 months meant mid vacation and FUN. More than anything I told myself I was going to focus on having fun with my friends, living day to day and do whatever felt good. And survive being toastmaster for Tomlins. I did all of that, I really did. Had a great time in Spain, danced in Sthlm and lived like there was truly no tomorrow at BM (and well, that meant coming home with a raging fever but WTF).

So, 6 months. Half a year of us not being a couple any longer. Clichee but i AM stronger. I know better what i want and im so grateful to myself for letting me be sad over this because i do feel ready to 100% let go and meet someone awesome. You cant half do it, at least not I. I dont want to start something new still dealing with the old. Im way too sentimental for that.

The coming months i am kind of thinking ill date someone for a bit, look at changing jobs, have a lot of fun and then – around Christmas, ill be ready to meet him. Not sure I will but at least my heart will be healed enough for someone to storm in there with a smile on his face. Welcome, we will have shit loads of fun you and I. 

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