Best of me (and you)

I know i promised you it was the last post but i have nothing to do and are bored so i thought id put up some of my best, and weirdest, convos with guys over the last couple of weeks. The best thing with tinder is that I get an out for my love of writing. And my love for being me…crazy and all.

And yeah, i realise why i might be single (dad, dont despair. Ill meet a normal guy one day but until then…too much fun)

This guy. Lets just say it broke the ice and then we never spoke again. But A for effort in not being like everyone else.

Amazing Jean. We had a late night convo when i was smashed and magic happened and we decided to be friends forever (until life and having too many plans for any new friends – we’ll find our ways back to each other one day ❤ )

You have to love a french guy for well, everything about them. They are so…french…

One of the biggest problems with going from tinder to whatsapp is that you have all of these guys with only their first name in your phone book. Chaos. Given that im speaking with 3 different Alessandros im going to have to come up with a new system for this.

Look at this – the first one. However – given that I dodged his date and didnt get back to him until he texted 2 days later I might have to exchange him for another one soon. Spring cleaning.

My latest french guy. You see my sneaky way of double checking the whole ‘are you drinking’ thing. Not falling for that again. Ever.

Next stop Lyon. 

Im seeing Jose on the 29th. At least this guy drinks (he calls jägers jaggers though which is both brilliant and kind of annoying. But we can work on that) and he sent me a pic of him licking a glass dragon. Love a guy who love a drgaon.

This one for good measure when having all of these convos with guys 😉

Merry Christmas and all that jazz

Leaving you with one last post before jumping on that jetplane and leaving for the motherland. Counting down the hours, only 5 more to go.

Ol gave me a Xmas gift yesterday. A light bulb. Mine is broken and have been since the arm (things break in 3 – arms, light bulbs, kitchen drawers). He started by saying ‘there is another gift so dont take the piss of me on the blog’ (sorry, but HAVE to) and continued with ‘I couldnt stand you not having light in your room, now you just have to screw it in’.

I wonder who i can find to do that for me?

I then stumbled into ANOTHER of these biking photographers. Couldnt even ask if he drinks. I know the answer (and swiped no before even checking).

(It might sound like i minded Ol not drinking, I didnt. (I did however recent the biking) but there is no need to go for exactly the same guy twice. They would only be a pale version anyway. Like when Rachel meets Russ in friends after breaking up with Ross)

Kix decided to help me on the way by suggesting some questions for me to ask before even agreeing to a date. I obviously need all the help i can get (and yeah – anyone who is looking for a book club for hiking books can get out of here)

Finally – Santa C3PO saying Merry Christmas and see you on the other side of embarassing amounts of christmas ham and saffron buns.

When Christmas is around the corner go kung fu on life

Jason and me went to the Xmas bash at Pimp Shuei yesterday. Because everyone need a kung fu themed dive bar where you get a high five and your favourite drink when you walk in. And lift you up into the air Christmas hugs when you leave. And weird convos about sparkly cum inbetween.

Jason and me had our last night out before Xmas. I gave him a truly epic SW Monopoly (self gifting  – hope to get to play soon. We cant drink before we are seeing the movie on the 2nd (so long left to go, i might cry) so this will be the perfect past time to get in the mood.)

and he gave me home made banana bread. It was moist. I think i won. But i do have a christmas gift problem. Normal people dont spring gifts on people like that. (Sis still havent recovered from last Xmas.)

Me and Chuck trying to figure things out. Looking equally smart. I blame the never ending spiced up GTs.

Beacuse yes. Was trying to convince Jason that im cool as a brother. But, since it was racist Monday he just made me look white. Thanks for that. One day he wont look at me with those prejudiced eyes against my streetness.

Had to pick up the woolmaster on the way home so left at 9. Probably for the best. I dont trust J for a second when it comes to stopping me from the last monday before xmas drinking.

This morning absolute epicness in the SW calendar. R2D2. With reindeer horns. That is how you get in the mood for Xmas people.

Hell yeah dragons

I went on another tinder date yesterday. With a guy calling himself Angel Raw. With dragons around his name.

Dragons…

I had high hopes he was either a stripper or just somewhat wonderfully weird. (I know mum and dad would have LOVED if he was a stripper)

We met in Clapham, he took me to a cool bar and he is this super cute italian guy. Who is also a sober photographer who loves biking

WTF! How can there possible be two out there in the world and HOW the fuck to I manage to meet both of them? When he asked me if I liked biking with the comment ‘you only have to try’ to my negative answer i wanted to cry.

On the plus side is that he is planning to buy himself a serval cat – a cat the size of Woolly looking like a mini leopard. That is some serious good weirdness there. 

But still, sober, so much for cute italian boys with dragons around their names.

The rest of the weekend was pretty slow going. On Friday i had a couple of drinks with work for my boss leaving drinks but headed home early because body just said no. I could literally hear my liver begging for mercy.

So i went home and forced cuddled my dog.

On Saturday i wriggled out of 3 different dates. When talking to dad he was like ‘3. But, you cant be seeing 3 guys at the same time. Is it like that speed dating’. Nope, its just the modern way of more is more.

And to be honest, not my thing, hence avoiding them.

All in all a good last weekend before shooting home for Christmas. Yes, ill have to live down the whole ‘oh, you are single’ and ‘when are you coming back to Sweden’ but at least ill have some energy for that shit this time around.

At the end of time

Can’t wait for holiday. Sweden. Family. Home. I’m tired. It’s been a long year. My world have been turned upside down and I’ve just gone for the ride. The arm still has 6 weeks before it’s actually healed which I, well, kind of decide to not think about.

I do what I always do when I’m single – never stop dancing. Find the loneliness hard. Surround myself with beautiful people. Make new friends, kiss sweet boys. Party girl. The boys that care about me ask when I will stop. They look at me with worried eyes and want to save me. They always have. But I smile back and don’t let them close. They can’t do anything, it’s all me.

I’m the only one who can decide to stop hiding behind the ones that are not right for me. To stop closing my heart down on countless dance floors.

 I know myself well by now. What I need to do to move forward. When Ol and me ended I knew it would take me at least a year. I knew I would cry and crush on boys, feel like the queen of the world and endless loneliness. That I would question why this restlessness made me leave when most stays. That I would know it was the right thing and wish I didn’t.

I need time to get there. I need dancing, crashing head first into a wall, euphoria and a bone deep weariness. I need sweet boys showing me who I am and where im supposed to go. I need the rollercoaster to wake up one day and be done with it.

But right now I need my childhood home, my parents, sleep and food.

Being todays bitch

So, yesterday happened. I wish it didnt. Or today. Or, maybe I wish today could just go back to bed and give up. Or that i could. Either way today is making me its bitch.

We had secret Santa at work. Having come out as a nerd with my SW calendar my gift was a given. And highly addictive. Find the wookie. Better than that Wally.

We then went for Xmas lunch with the team. I wore a hat. This is where things went wrong. Never wear a hat if you are planning not to go big (i mean, i was planning on going big. Just a pro tip).

After xmas lunch I met up w Jason and his new gf for predrinks before hip hop karaoke. Or pre jagers. Sexy body bags were discussed. And sex with chickens (Tommy, ill be in your debt forever for that story). Once in the line for hippedihopp karaoke we realised we would never get in. So we waited for an hour because Jason is very stubborn. VERY. I was strictly forbidden to discuss my racist ears or my country house in the line. Then Dave showed up, waited for about 10 min and then put an end to the waiting around. Thank you.

We could have gone home. We didnt. Instead we went to Roxy and Dave played catch up. He failed since i matched him shot for shot. Im nice like that. We danced and scream sang to Xmas songs. I smoked and Dave told me about his plans of bying a flat in Bangkok and tour Asia. I smoked some more and took another shot. Because traveling vs tubing in London.

Today very weak. Like a broken doll. Damn you red bull aka liquid cocaine.

Unicorn tears

Went to the doctors yesterday. My man Mr Dr and I discussed the fact that im healing nicely (woohoo), have about 4-6 weeks before im all there (less woohoo but still) and that im pretty bad ass for being able to almost straighten the elbow and put my hand over the head (double woohoo).

Take that ‘you are shit at healing’ body of mine, im rocking again.

W has got a new snazzy coat. Looking all suave for the dog ladies. Last night he put his head on the other pillow, but his little paw on my cheek and fell asleep like that. I thought. Every time i looked at him he just stared at me. Those eyes, never leaving me. Creep. Then he barked half the night at the foxes outside. W you little weirdo.

Spending the day at home yesterday because of doctor and other things i decided to wrap the gifts that are staying here in London. Love wrapping. I also went to the garden cafe with Oliver and bought myself a new mini cactus. Because cactuses are trendy and im way cool.

Then i got sent a link to the Best. Thing. Ever. This is an actual thing. Unicorn tears and gin – my 2 favourite things. If anyone want to give me a gift I wouldnt say no to this awesomeness. It even have silver in it. Dreamy.

Speaking of awesome things. Sister sent me these pictures today and reminded me that we see each other in about a week. A WEEK. Thats like no time at all (if you dont think about the star wars movie because i wont see that until the 2nd of Jan and that is KILLING me)

I leave you with this image of summer and sun and smiles. Me, im getting ready to bust some moves at hip hop karaoke tonight with Jason and Dave. They wont sing, I feel like i have to represent with my racist ears. See me rollin’

cigarette love

Still tired as f…. Was supposed to go to bed early yesterday but Ol came over with Woolly and we ended up talking for 2 hours. He’d just been to a meditation retreat and tried to convince me about the benefits of meditating. Still not convinced. I go along the ‘head through the damn wall instead’. Any way to silence the chaos that is my mind.

Here are some more nice pictures from Friday to remind of less tired times.

Me explaining something to the girls. Love that i look like im casting some kind of spell. And that we are all wearing black. Like glamorous witches,

Bad assing around with the swedish crew. Im honorary member now. Only took me two years to be accepted (to be honest, thats all me, I just dont socialise at work)

Not really sure what going on with Chia’s face but i look like a bad ass ad for smoking. I kind of want to be me in this picture.

The Band. This is us rocking a band pose. I should so have been born to be a true rocker, I got that shit down. And also, im about a head taller than everyone else. WTF. I dont really see myself as that tall any longer until i see a pic like this.

Coolest squad on the block.

Some mood pictures from the party. Marilyn’s dancing. I might have been dancing on that little stage all night. Figured that if i fell i at least wouldnt break another arm.

Our former CEO and now chairman of the board. If i ever start a multi million company this is what my parties will look like as well. That is promise you.

In bed with John Lennon

Im still standing. Barely. My 5 day drinking week have taken its toll on me and im very happy for the various pots and creams with rejuvenating stuff ive gotten in my advent calendar. Desperate measures. One things with SATC is that you never really got to see their hung overs – just their fabulousness. Unfortnately there is also dead tired hung overs. Every time.

Oh well. Worth it. Im only at the tender age of 33 after all. Friday was Christmas Party. Me and scandi crew drank GT at work, snazzed ourselves up in the bathroom and headed off to rock the pop art themed party at House of Vans. My main goal for the night was to have dinner since i tend to forget that in the heat of the moment. And what do you know – no dinner. Glad i dont disappoint.

The party was cool, as always. There was Marilyn Monroes running around, a cinema (why?), popcorn (yes – but half salt half sweet – who do that?), face paint, a photo booth, free bar, food (for those who actually eat and isnt just fuelled on GT) and a bed where you could hang out with the man – John  Lennon.

Guess where you found me? Jumping on bed with JL of course and eating his pot with peas (guess I had some dinner after all). I was almost thrown out but Sam, the guy, defended me. Thank you unknown Lennon actor.

I also found my inner artist. My colleague Julian brought his polaroid and unwisely left it with me saying ‘make me proud’. My first project was ‘Inception’. I had people posing for a picture and then giving that picture to the next set of people photographing them holding the picture. Like a never ending inception of polaroids within a polaroid. Deep.

Too bad I was pretty drunk and couldnt wait for the polaroids to develop. And my photo aim was a bit wonky.

Then i made people stay in the bed with Lennon. ‘The make love not war’ series. Pretty pop art. Im sure julian was very happy to see all of his polaroids go on my artistic vision.

Thank God I went home when the party stopped. Or maybe thank me.

On Saturday i had to get up at 8 to get the dog. I went to bed at 4.30. It was a tired me dragging my body across town. Being stoooopid and having some kind of death wish i had promised to go to a black tie charity event in the afternoon. Picture above is me taking a power nap fully dressed in my gala dress and make up while waiting for Lollo to get ready.

Still stoopid, still death wish I continued on to a dinner with part of the burner crew after the event where there was only vodka and then to Danis for ‘one last drink’ before heading home to W. Somrwhere around there I was ready to go on all night and massively pouty about the going home thing.

Until i came home to this little dude. He is not impressed by his mums party life style but since his daddy didnt really think and got a flat where he cant have him over night this is what he have to deal with. Sorry W, you have two pretty crap owners.

Sunday. My advent calendar had this in it. Wish I could have just drank it and cleaned all the sins from my insides. Instead i had to face the demons. My day was spent watching every sweet movie i could think of to not have to deal with the gloom that comes after that many days of drinking.

This week only drinking plans on thursday. Dear me, let it stay that way.

An unexpected turn of events

(Captains log: Day 3 on my drinking week. Starting to feel it now. My body feels weak, eyes red and legs shaky. Im not sure how long i can hold out. Running out of fuel. Pieces of my mind is going.)

Me and Jacke went all to way out to o2 yesterday to enjoy us some Mumford and Sons last night  Great shout. It was an amazing show and they had even the white, middle class people the audience consisted of standing up and dancing.

We didnt really. I blame arm but it was just general tiredness. Not even too cool for school. Because we know by now that im anything but cool.

Your standard far away concert picture.

At the end of the show they walked out into the audience and then ended up on this little stage in the middle singing a capella. Goose bumps moment.

The night might have been over there, was supposed to head home and get my beauty sleep for the xmas party. However, not know for my ability to say no I got lured away by a french guy.

Jean, a guy ive been talking to on tinder sent me this message. At first I said not because, well, was at another show but then i decided to go meet him after. I mean, why not.

Met up with Jean in town and us and the band went to crobar, this great rock bar. Had the best time. We had shots, hung out with the guys who were these absolutely brilliant early 20s somethings. I wish i knew them when i was 20, I potentially would have married them all.

I instantly knew with J that him and me have the making of great friends. That what i do. Even on Tinder. Make friends that i then keep forever.