Unicorn onsies

Was supposed to meet Ben and Ed (the bromance twins) yesterday but Ben had to cancel so had an unexpected day off socialising. Tried to make Jean see comedy with me to battle January but he was busy. So i gave up. I think i was meant to stay on the sofa. And lo and behold, the landlord came by to check some things so practical things – check. Im not always useless around the house (even if heating still baffles me)

Spent the evening chatting away. So. Much, Time. Spent. On. Phone with this app thing. I keep getting little SOS messages from Ben saying ‘getting lost in this app jungle’ and i hear him.

Anyway, kept talking to british/south american guy and he might have the best potential bday gift for me EVER (this is a bit like courting in the 17th century. All you have is writing and some grainy photos of the person. Unlike the olden days you dont have to get married the first time you meet though which is a win)

Things then got a bit shaky when we thouched upon the subject of tea. You should probably meet before discussing tea. We all know how that can go. We did fly over that hurdle though when realising that the guy drinks fruit teas as well.

(im kind of secretly hoping to never meet, then we dont have to realise how utterly wrong we are for each other but keep having fun on whatsapp instead. Virtual friends FTW)

This little dude is leaving me Saturday morning for a Rye joy ride. Will miss him but with parties all weekend he’ll have better time running around in the sea.

Surviving the cold

Didnt do much during my 2 days in bed other than sleep and pitifully hide under the covers for warmth.

Had my little ragamuffin next to me in bed for most of it though. Such a smug little face on this one.

Told you. Cold. Other than watching netflix ive been catching up texting with most of my people. Plus bought tickets for the mini stockholm burn in march. And had a little mini crisis on being single for 3 weddings of really good friends this summer. The whole idea of hiring a good looking dude doesnt work when its your best friends.

With that in mind did a little tindering (and because the stories, if i am to write that ‘100 dates on tinder’ book i need to get going. Have about 96 more to go)

Talked to a guy that got so excited about my chatting skills he offered to spend my birthday with me. No, we havent met. Im not sure if I should see this as my irresistable personality or single people’s dread for being alone on Valentines.

Anyway, this week NO dates. I need a break. Hang out with people i actually know and more importantly, know i like. Tomorrow drinks with Unibet crew, Friday Elins bday and Saturday Stans bday. Big up to all parents making sure their kids are born in Jan to light up the boring winter.

The Sweden weekend

Got taken out with a cold as soon as I landed from Sweden. My weakened, anglicised body couldnt handle the swedish cold and ive spent two days in bed freezing my ass off because dont know how to turn up the heating (need a boyfriend) and watching making a murderer.

But, lets talk about the weekend instead.

Landed on Friday and headed straight for Bolsts where Filippa and me ate popcorn and talked until 2 where we decided that even former party princessed need sleep. In the morning got an Ingrid delivery and chilled with this little angel all morning.

Until it was time to head out in the freezing cold with my main ladies – the brides and the bridesmaids. Stockholm was stunning. Do love this place and especially my Djurgården walk ive grown up with.

My squad. Best squad ever. We might be less of a squad and more of a grown up woman circle of friends nowadays but in my eyes these girls will never stop being my ride or die squad – even when we are 80.

After 2 FREEZING hours it was time to go home and glam up. I was going for drop dead sexy with as little clothes as i could manage without developing icicles in my arm pits.

After making food, pre drinking GT and getting out game faces on the girls showed up. In addition to maggie and Sanna, Sussie, Julia, Katta and Bella came as well. My extended squad is equally genius.

We were all over the top excited about this night and lets just say we did it. Whatever it was we were hoping for we definitely did it.

Went to Publico for dinner. Bella has an in with the barman and there was some issues with service so it became a very cheap night. And not for lack of trying ti kill our wallets by drinking about 500 shots each.

Dinner was the best. Catching up with some of my bestest people. Sus and me talked pole dancing memories from the sexa and traveling in South America. The shit we’ve done.

Eventually dinner was over and after before mentioned shots fiesta we own the dance floor, picked up a 20 something youngester whom we brought to Rose, decided to own both the bat and dancefloor at Rose as well and then crash at F and E at 6 in the morning having a bowl of Bolognese.

Sunday was surprisingly fresh (thank you me for no wine) and had a wedding planning brunch. This will be some brilliant stuff.

Then home, crashed in bed and woke up sick. Oh well.

A good day for nerdy friends

The short ass blew me off last night! Totally karma for all the times i just skipped showing up for dates when younger. Well, to be honest i was happily sat at Pimp Shuei drinking coktails when we were supposed to have dinner but anyway. Damn you short ass.

But, only like half blowing me off. Still doing a little ‘heeeey’. So, I called him out on it. Because dont be an heightist man.

Then i had a moment thinking i was hilarious when i wrote this message and also that he totally dont deserve my awesomeness. But, im seeing short ass, prejudiced against tall people, doctor friend in the future. Dont have any doctors, could come in handy with my accident proned life.

But, as mentioned before, when all of this drama unfurled i was sat happily drinking cocktails at Pimp Shuei – the bar where im having my bday party. It was Chuck, one of the owners, bday so the bar was rocking with booze drinking people, the way i love it. After fleshing out the details for my party i ran into George.

You remember fork guy right? ‘May the fork be with you’. He moved to Prague just after we realised we love ALL the same books. A sad day for nerdy friends. However, a couple of weeks later he sent me the first draft for his fantasy book and yesterday i got invited to the inner circle on FB. In that were also George. I met him at the same SW party as fork guy and then at another party at the bar. Didnt think much about it. But, him being in the inner circle gave me hope. Could it be another nerd friend?

We started talking yesterday and fuck yes to all things holy, he is almost better than fork guy. We drank jägers and discussed Rothfuss, Sanderson, Eddings, Jordan, Star Wars, nerd theories and Denmark. He told me he have even more nerd friends so we will meet up next week with his friend and Discuss. Fantasy. Books. As in ‘lets both read the new Weeks book at the SAME TIME so we can discuss it afterwards’. #lovelondon

So, in the tally me vs life (being blown off by short ass vs meeting awesome new nerd friend) its like a 100 to 0. 

Came home to flat and cleaner had made a little installation of Woollys toys. As soon as W saw it he pulled his elephant down, gave me a ‘wtf mummy, my toys do not belong on tables’ and started licking his non existing balls.

Today off to Sweden. Cant wait to see you. Except for the cold. The girls have made fun of me for my lack of practical clothing. Cant help that im a combination between totaly useless and practical clothing handicapped. I have a woolly hat at least.

Star wars vs Geordie Shore

Headed up East (North? Not sure, anything the other way of Picadilly is one big ‘kind of east way’ for me) yesterday to finally introduce Dave to Star Wars. Before he said he had ‘kind of seen the movies’. I think that was a white lie to not show how utterly not a geek he is (he has a friend who named his daugher Vader though, that is kind of awesome in itself (but poor girl)) but it turned out the only thing he knew about SW is that ‘there is Death Star and Darth Vader talk through a mask’. You hear – help needed.

On my walking there i passed this brilliant kebab shop. In another life this would be my job. Own a sunshine kebab shop.

Once there we went about seeing the first movie. Dave put in number 5 *crying* and after we had dinner (that was a faff in itself with the wrong food being delivered. But we took a beer as payment. Bad ass) he had to go work for a bit.

Yes, he put me in front of whales again (what up with that guy and whales) but then he changed to some  bristish show about guys planning the wedding for their brides. It was horrifying. And oddly amazing. English guys…*crying again, this time with head in hands*.

Finally watching the movie. Dave liked it. Win. Then we watched some more genius british series including Geordie Shore. Dave had watched them all before (…) and eventually had to stop the TV looking at my slightly disgusted face at the state of british people. Think he felt there was no winning showing me more of that.

Today seeing the doctor (date, not appointment – that i did yesterday and arm is winning. Not even any rehab) unless I decide to cancel (need a night at home). My mum just warned me that ‘there was this doctor who just kidnapped and raped this girl in a shed so be careful.’ Ok mum, ill try and not be kidnapped.

Judged by a book

So, well, previous post aside I still have a couple of sweet boys to meet this week. Because boys are awesome and I like them all and cuddles and laughs and just boys (and its mostly all innocent with at most some kisses and cuddles. Im not THAT bad).

Seeing Dave tonight for a long over due SW marathon. He offered to cook. I said take away because a lot of SW movies to get through and last time he cooked me breakfast he didnt let me in the kitchen so i spent an hour watching a show about whales. Breakfast was delicious. But whales…

Tomorrow seeing a doctor who has the Best. Chat. Ever. Like in ‘i never want us to stop texting because you make me smile ALL THE TIME.’ Downside is that he is kind of scared of my height. Heightist.

But, he doesnt own a bike. And love drinking. (I have learnt my lesson and double checks these things before dates.) Height not a problem, sober bikers definitely so. He might be after Woolly though but Woolly being a grumpy old man will give him a run for his money on that one.

I said goodbye to Peruvian yesterday. I ran to the store during lunch to buy him the last copy of A little life for his trip. Then I realised he didnt deserve the last copy of the best book ever. Because that is not given away lightly. So now I have that sitting at home waiting for the right person (as good a judge as any other. Want to give him your favourite book – hell yeah. Dont think he is worth it – uhoh)

On this whole dating thing

My life feels like a never ending string of boys at the moment. I think i need to detox. Glad to be going back to Sweden and chill with my girls over the weekend. Talk about boys rather than with them. Easier.

I also need some time to myself. Sit on the sofa, be bored, think. Or, maybe not think. I do that too much anyway. Just enjoy my own company. And hang with my friends. Its weird spending time with people that dont know you. They see different things in you. Project what they want to see. Funny, geeky, smart, sexy, introvert, extrovert, quiet, too talky, weird. Exhausting.

Ive seen all of these articles about how modern dating culture means no one choses, that everyone keep looking for the next one, the better one. Im not sure that is true, I get the feeling most people want to meet someone. I think the bigger problem is that its all speeded up. Because you might be talking to a lot of different people, or the other one is, its like you need to know NOW or youll miss the chance.

And because you are doing that first date based on a couple of pictures you’ve seen and some random convos its how are you supposed to know when you barely know them. Dating before this would be talking to someone all night before that first date, you kind of already knew important bits about the person. Ol and me spent 24 hours together before we even went on a date.

Now, you go for a drink with someone youve spoken to a couple of times in a chat and its kind of like an interview. And to be honest, most of the time you dont want the job. Its clear you are not supposed to get married becasue how many of everyone you meet would you really want to spend your life with? Even if they look cute in pictures.

The guys ive met are all smart, funny, normal guys. The’ve been interesting to talk to and ive had a nice time. But, if ive met them in the real world I would have known instantly and not gone on that date. I think thats why it feels like people are constantly looking for the next thrill, they are just looking for someone they really want to get to know.

Everyone is new in this world trying to make it work. What i like most are all these people i would have never spoken to otherwise, what i like the least is feeling jaded, i want people to matter to me. So i keep them around to not just be shadows that passed through my life. And because i learn about them and myself.

And I smile because i keep thinking of all the stories when im old and grey.

There should be a dating app for us book nerds where you started talking to someone based on their favourite books. That way you would know that at least the conversations on that first date would be epic.

A day in life

Sometimes writing this blog it feels like life is just a count down. The days keep passing but im not sure for what end. On the other hand, genius to be able to look back at all the fun ive had over the last 5 years. Depression, eating disorder, general mental shit storm aside its been fun. Im not sure what i want from my life but im positive it wont be boring. Ever. And never stop meeting new people, that is a must.

A picture from Saturday. My mind wasnt dirty enough to win. But who cares when dinner, cider and friends?

Me and mini squid tubing. Heading home for dinner and movie with Albin. Watched ‘Attack the Block’. Yes, London kids sounding like Ol when he is trying to be bad to the bone. Then i spent about 30 minutes in fits of laughter when thinking of an ‘art piece’ Albin have at home he told me about. Hilarious. He wasnt impressed. But i told him laughing is good for the soul and laughed some more.

Sweden this week. Wedding planning. Double bridesmaid and toastmaster. I think the saying goes ‘thrice bridesmaid never married’. Oooops. Guess i never wanted to get married anyway.

2016 – me vs the shit

So, it doesnt come as a surprise that ive got sliiiiight intimacy issues and a problem with commuicating my feelings. At least to no one that ever met me. Ive spent the last couple of years dealing with this in different ways, a highly sucessful way was the year of hugs. I had to hug everyone I met 2 seconds extra. That was weird. But worked. Cured some of my touching issues. Nowadays almost come across normal.

I asked for help during my depression. Big up me. I talked to Ol about some of my problems. Said no. Sometimes even told friends when i was unhappy with things they did. For me I was like an emotional beacon. Shit went real.

Problem is that now when dating guys I see the things that I havent dealt with. Like thinking instead of feeling. Or telling someone to back off when they are too much too quick. Or communicate in other ways than ironic jokes. Or believing in getting close to someone again. Or not believing my own ability to know what is right for me. Or simple just not act like a 15 year old emotional cripple. In every way possible.

So, this is the year of me vs the shit. Bring it on. Im going to date until i learn how tell all of these lovely boys what i want. Or give up. Or find a mind reader. That would be immensly scary and probably what i need.

Spaghetti and onions

Good morning you! How are we feeling today? Perky? I am. I saw Star Wars again yesterday. It was awesome. I then dreamt I was stuck in a grave trying to get out. That was less awesome. Woke up feeling dead. Graves you know. But, shower and a walk in with Ol gave me some ooomph back.

The weekend was good. Went to Kix and Robins new pimp flat on Friday and even if babies and dogs and stuff the qoute of the night was ‘I dont even have a vagina but ive sucked up so much spaghetti im ready to make a bolognese’ (Stan on Kix talking about the clenches you need to do after giving birth. Her doctor had said ‘imagine you are sucking up spaghetti with your rectum). And Seb was inappropriate as always. Babies dont equal life over.

On Saturday W was pretty sick so I stayed on the sofa with him (good excuse) and then had to cancel the drink i was going too but went to Lollo’s friend Holly for dinner. Home made pasta and burgers. Please invite me back. Woolly came with and had some bacon. Lucky dog. We played games and Lollo looked awesome with her tan and glow coming back from traveling. I looked like someone who had been drinking 4 days in a row.

Not fair.

Stayed over night with my mini squid when the girls went out for a dance and then took a lovely walk home from Barnes. Yesterday saw SW with Jose. He was duly impressed (or maybe he just said that because my face was lit up like a christmas tree). He did also say ‘you really are a proper geek’. Yes, and proud. See me like an onion where the core is a somewhat commitment phobic geek with a tendency toward depressions and an utterly manic streak when partying.