A weekend of success

So, i survived Friday. Without falling, getting too drunk or making a fool of myself. That is some serious winning. After freaking a bit about how to really say hi to your ex’s girlfriend without making it awkward and hoping she doesnt think i hate her (and asking all my friends getting different answers from everyone – whats up with that) I opted for my version of everything – giving her a jägerbomb.

Since being true to yourself seem to be that universal guru pro tip it worked. She is a very sweet and cool girl (not really surprised) and we ended dancing together at the after party.

G on the other hand was doing what he does best which is making friends and just generally running around the room being everywhere at the same time. This is us trying to convince Dan he really wants to go to a warehouse party in seven sisters.

Also trying to entice him with G’s friend Maria (who are in the new SW movie btw. How fucking cool is that!?). And drinking GT. Because that it what we do.

Around 2.30 we decided it was time to leave and go back to G’s place. Felt a bit bad because were leaving both Jean and Jesse behind but also knowingt those boys can take care of themselves (and Jean went to 3pm the day after so kind of glad I skipped that).

Still trying to entice Dan to join us.

Eventually he did show up and we ended up sitting in G’s kitchen to 8 in the morning talking nerd. Dont mind if i do (but OMG i was tired by the end).

The day after was spent in bed ALL DAY. And i mean that. It went dark out before we crawled out. I had a dinner down central to meet with Dani’s new man properly.

Yup, that went well. He is wonderfully weird and we all know how I love those people. Ill so come visit them in SF. We had a lovely dinner and then went to a BM crew bday. Had quite a lot of drinks before sneaking off at 1 when the other started talking about a rave, I know myself and know i would have gone big so saving myself from myself.

Instead i spent my sunday on the sofa and then opened my gift from Improv Dave. That turned out to be the most epic gift of all time. He’s made a puzzle of the fat filter picture we use to joke aboit Chubby Dave (Jason). I seriously laughed my ass off when i realised what it was.

Now got the hardest bit left – Jason’s face. But ill enjoy every moment of it.

Tequila gunning

Friday. Im like extra excited today after last weekend at home Me not made for sitting alone at home. High heels and cool outfit on (me and lollo had a discussion on this – the difference between sexy and cool outfit. One is the one guys want to do, the other who girls wants to be. Im so going for cool outfit today).

Tonight heading up to Benjies bday drinks Dalston way. Got him an epic gift – a tequila gun.

Yes! I want one of these bad boys (sometimes I wish i gave myself gifts until i realise that i do that ALL the time. Shopping issues).

Ol and new (ish, i mean, they have been together for like 10 months now) girlfriend are coming tonight, my plan is to be drunk enough to be able to wing that one in a cool, relaxed way. Because if sober im about the uncoolest ever and not winging anything. Im actually totally cool with it now, just want to avoid awkward which is not easy best of times.

Between the lines we can read the story of me getting drunk tonight. Swish. Wont disappoint.

I feel cocooned in the safety of this unknown boy

He lays me down on the beach, hold his hand behind my head for my hair not to get messed up by the sand and kisses me like it’s the only thing that matters to him.

We’ve been dancing on the beach for the last 2 hours and before that we’ve had dinner and drunk endless amounts of mojitos. It feels like half a lifetime since this cute, bearded Spanish guy danced up to me in the little beach bar and tried to salsa me into flirting back with him.

The salsa didn’t work but that never ending laughter and sweet smile did.

‘It’s cold’ he says and shivers in his t-shirt. It is but I can’t tell because he covering me to keep me warm and I smile under his beard and pull my arms out to warm him up.

We lay there in the cold sand, me literally cradled in his arm from him trying to keep me from the sand and sheltering me from the cold and I feel cocooned in the safety of this unknown boy.

Later I wake up with a start. I see the sun go up over the horizon and know I need to run back to Sanna since we are leaving for the airport. I wake the boy still holding me with a kiss on the nose and we leave the beach blinking the sleep out of our eyes.

Alvaro stops a cab and after a kiss jump in and I walk off. Suddenly I see him come running down the street.

‘Your number’ he yells and I see that the number I’ve written on his arm earlier have been washed off. He stops in front of me with a sheepish grin and gives me the pen and I write with big numbers all over his arm.

He laughs his infectious laugh, picks me up and twirls me around.

‘I see you around sueca guapa’ he says before he jumps in the cab again and are off.

I walk home in the sunrise thinking that this is what it’s all about. The stories.

Unexplained stains

Went to see Jason do his comedy sketches last night. Impressed! It had me howling with laughter, especially the gigantic inflated penis part (hard to mess that up).

The call themselves ‘unexplained stains’ and here is one part of the duo with his unexplained stain (its tooth paste btw, I got to see behind the scenes).

The other act was book based improv. Fun but kind of weird. Didnt exactly want to make me do improv because SCARY. Dave came down (his name is improv dave after all) and brought me a very sweet gift – a puzzle with no picture to go after. I know what im doing tonight (need to solve my first one, its just sitting on the dining table taking up space)

Otherwise life. Me and W will cozy up on the sofa tonight and get ourselves ready for the weekend.

When your friends go on a date (and you get to go with them)

Had no plans for yesterday and had resigned to my fate of sitting at home browsing netflix hoping to find something fun to watch keeping an eye on my naughty dog.

Exciting times. In the middle of tidying my flat (nothing fun on netflix whatsoever) my phone pinged…

…and this one happened. Katta was out on a friend date (jury is still out on that one – she is not a master befriender like me) with my BM friend Armin she met at my party and when they walked into the bar he had chosen for the night the bartender is…George.

Ha, poor Katta, trying to go inkognito in East and having my friends popping up everywhere. Too bad for her but awesome for me because it meant I had double live streaming from the night.

Made myself some popcorn and sat back enjoying myself. Also looped in Lollo being at home with her new man to share this awesome story with someone.

I told G to make sure Katta didnt get too drunk to not fail on the whole befriending thing (its a lot harder to dodge kisses when you are too drunk to stand, you kind of fall into them), Katta told me G made them drink whiskey shots (wtf). Eventually Dan showed up but Katta left before she could enjoy the nerd sandwich (might be thats just enjoyable to me – hearing two boys wet their pants over Star wars might not be everyones cup of tea).

Felt like a friendly spirit over Katta’s night. Apparently they went to some ping pong place and then Calloh Callay. Seems the befriending went okay-ish. No definite ‘lets be bffs and you wing man me next time i want to pick up girls’ (my goal after a successful befriending) but also no ‘here’s my heart and my undying love and the keys to my flat and lets take my last name when we get married’. I would say Katta did well. She is very hot so the odds are not in her favour.

Before that Katta sent me a master spy picture. Yes. My insides and my liver did a little dance at seeing hot guy serving drinks. I want my men tasting like drinks and late night debauchery.

This is how a night on the sofa should be. If you are on an unwilling detox week due to dogling at least have friends living it up with each other. Thank you Katta for making my night.

Tonight im off to see Jason doing some comedy. I have promised to laugh. And take pictures. What bffs are for.

Hi 15 year old crazy girl *waving hand*

Me and Ol went to the vet with Woolly yesterday and the little monster is healing up fine, just another week of no walkies (OMG, he’ll be a nightmare by the end of this week – Ol will have him on Friday thank god. I need a break from being good dog mummy)

We had dinner, a tinder date convo (#exgoals) and hung out. When Ol left I admired my new glasses  I bought with the Asos gift card i got from my colleagues (love bdays) and took a selfie where ‘you dont even look hung over’ according to people. Thank you people. Guess you get something after a weekend at home.

Also new shoes. With same gift card.

Other than that contemplated my freak out on the whole ‘why dont you text me fucktard’ yesterday and realised that yes, me bat shit crazy and he doesnt actually deserve it. At all. (more on this later when i’ve embraced my crazy and are willing to share). Lets just say I need this. Exactly this. I also need to learn how to reign in my inner 15 year old. And how to dress for sucess (only kidding, know that shit by heart)

One day when im old and grey (er) ill high five this 34 year old me refusing to grow up. Right now i ply her with vodka and beg her to stop. And use this space to let her out.

Dont you dare rain on my boss bitch parade

So, men…they are hopeless human beings arent they. At least when they are a) just not that interested b) completely contrary to what you want them to be and c) dont get you in even the slightest.

And when they are all of that.


Must admit to sitting at home on the sofa all weekend didnt help in the slightest BUT when George cancelled on me thursday due to working (totally cool (Yeah, fine, might have had a total crazy bitch moment and been anything but cool but we all know what i did with my thursday so out boss bitched the mental bitch)) but then kind of went radio silence on the weekend (totally NOT cool – waiting by the phone awakens my inner ice queen. He is only saved by previous sweetness and SC ticket in the future) I was so unhappy with him.

Dont rain on my boss bitch parade.

He did however text on Sunday (by then I had gone white walker on my icy queeniness. Totally wanted to kidnap female babies making them into men hating mini me’s), we chatted a bit and then i asked if he wanted to meet up this week.

No answer.

Really!? Karma is a bitchier bitch than me because that is what ive done to every boy since meeting G. Radio silence. Do not like to be on the receiving end of that shit.

Anyway, this morning he texted the above. So not out of the woods. Where is my mental fist bump? That future SC ticket is hanging very loose. If i didnt like him, he was such an awesome nerd (and had a heart shaped cheese in my fridge to stare at me every time i open the door) he would be out.

Me and the coven (my witch bitches of whatsapping friends) have decided to give him another couple of days and if nothing – BOOM. Call some cute guys and get self esteem back up to 100.

Good thing other sweet George’s are writing me little nightly messages to remind me im awesome. And that there are twinkled eyed, bearded, dancing, amazing guys out there for me to crush on if needs be.

Flytta på dej

Going crazy in my lonesome

Ok, so you know when you say you need a break. Or, at least you know when I say i need a break because that happens regularly like clock work. After thursday’s impromptu drinking fest my liver felt like twice its size and my insides like its been bathed in all sorts of alcohol. Not pretty.

So, needed a break. And man, did the gods listen. My little man, the sometimes bane of my existence, made sure to need an operation and then had me sitting on the sofa watching out for him licking his paw. All weekend. And to put a cherry on top he also had me waking up about 5 times a night to scream at him to STOP LICKING THAT PAW. Because fucktard dog that doesnt get simple things like dont lick your broken paw.

Why no cone you might wonder.

Well, Oliver forgot the cone at the vets and decided to make one instead.

All good in the hood since Ol is a ninja and he made Wool (in this picture SO FUCKING high he kept falling over. Like his mummy) a flashy pink cone out of some plastic binders.

Unfortunately the cone made him puke. And moan. And then puke some more. So i had to give up on flashy pink fashionista dog and ended sleeping with his paw in my hand. And waking up every time he moved. I think we hated eachother at some point there.

Saturday he felt VERY sorry for himself. Especially since i kept telling him off for licking that paw. Evil mummy. Since no cone I couldnt leave the house. Or shower. Flash backs from being swamp armed.

After another night of non sleep W and me awoke on Sunday with tired eyes and tired of being at home. Ol came by to fed us and gave me a break so I could go to sainsburys. For 10 min. Woohoo, freedom. Then he was off living the high life with his girlfriend and I grumped away on the sofa stuck with doggy angry at the world (apparently not sleeping or seeing the outside dont do much for your mental health.)

I did shower though. When you can smell yourself shower have to happen. When i came out W had licked that paw into a little wet slug. Damn you W. I put on ‘slouching around at home feeling sorry for myself hating on men (will tell you that story one day)’ outfit and decided to have a little head phone dance party to make myself happy.

It kind of worked. Sent a pic to Rocky of him and his bff Katta. Like a giant goddess blessing their friendship. Then i danced for an hour and watched some of the new netflix series Love. Its amazing. Also hits a bit close to home for me at the moment. Like a mirror you are not sure you want to have a look in.

Kind of happy going into work this morning. Hello outside.

Dont befriend your local bartender

Was supposed to meet George yesterday but he had to work (booo) so grabbed my favourite crazy french guy Jean and went up to try Dans new drinks menu at Callooh Callay. The nerd trio helped him write the Sherlock Holms back story for it (late night SOS messages from Dan of ‘DONT SLEEP – READ MY STORY’ to wake up to many mornings) and we went to the back bar JubJub to try it out.

That would have been a couple of drinks and then home if Jean and me hadnt decided to befriend this awesome girl called Charlie and then gone to her bar that was just around the corner to throw an afterparty in the closed bar until 4 in the morning.

Dont befriend bartenders…they are awesome people and give you booze cheap. Which isnt the best idea for me ever. Also, dont have amazing french friends that are your best and worst combo ever. Love Jean but he is even worse than i am. Think about that one.

So life continue to be fun but mental but fun.

Before that had a quick beer with Tommy, Elin and Roxy.

Tonight Rocky’s bday drink and tomorrow a leaving drink. But, might have to forcefully make myself stay on the sofa tomorrow because too much. Life. Just generally.

Feeling thursdayd

Had dinner with Ol last night. Our little hound was a miserable little monster after hurting his foot and massively milking it so we went to the vet and then he got carried home. For 20 min. He weighs 15kg. Lets just say Ol did 18 of those 20 minutes. I blame swamp arm for my poor performance but honestly, Im just really weak.

So nice having a catch up. Gods know its not always easy being friends with your ex but its worth it, love that tape worm weirdo.

Tonight seeing George and being dog free. Wohoo, feels like i need to rave it up to celebrate but honestly, still feeling the weekend. Just realised i forgot my change of clothes at home (dad avert your eyes) so guess Friday’s party will be spent in todays dressed down outfit. Oh well, you win some you lose some.

Outfit. Not actually what im wearing today but almost. Have a t-shirt on instead. With pink metallic lines. Like a cool 90’s kid on acid. Did I hear grown up? Didnt think so.

Peace out party people. Love is blind