Seriously. Last day of January was shit. Yes, yesterday. What an ass of a day. For no other reason than me feeling generally shit about life. Which happens. So no biggie really.
But. It’s all based in the fact that I feel lonely. I barely see George and I spend a lot of time alone at home. When it’s dark and cold like shitty January it’s hard to bring W anywhere and since I have him 70% of the time and travel a lot I don’t have much time to go out and see friends and be spontaneous.
Hence loads of just me on my own. Which at the best of times I’m not great at and even less so when I’m in love and simply miss him.
Yesterday it all became Too Much To Handle so my plan was go to bed at 8 (the best thing when you can’t life) and wake up to a better day.
But then Katta came over and literally saved me.
Made us snacks and we talked about all the things that hurt. Because you need people and not be alone in your mind all the time.
When George came home he was not in the best place either and it shows how much this is taking its toll on both of us. And even if I’m struggling with it all I know G is carrying even more stress than I am. So I end up wanting to save him from my sadness.
And yes, I’ve been down this road before. I know i can’t save people and that I need to look after myself. But you can’t teach an old dog to sit right.
So let’s hope today is a better day. It can’t really be worse.
Letters to my family 