Vote for humanity

We are having a bit of an indian summer here in England and there is another heat wave coming over the weekend. So ive decided to let the pool have one more weekend of glory before tucking it away.

Even if its been paaaaaainful waiting for our holiday im now NOT sorry about going on holiday when everyone else is coming back. And then im off to NYC for a couple of days in October for work before Ibiza for Danis wedding. The NYC trip is a conference/summit and the company running it are treating me to the full VIP – paying for the trip and hotel. Im staying at the Moxy in Times square.

And yes, it totally makes me feel VIP. People actually pay me to go to NYC. 22 year old me could totally not see this coming. To be fair, 22 year old me didnt see herself being boss woman over 40 people and actually having to take real decisions either.

London is starting to look like autumn. Its cold in the mornings and evenings now. Loving it.

Woolly came to work with me. Contributing as always.

Standard evening in the Munstev/Krunte household. George on his switch and me reading.

And yeah, Woolly cuddled up as close as he can get. We’ve decided to not turn on the heating until we are back from Bulgaria so im struggling with needing blankets and all the human/dog heat i can get at the moment. Im so weak.

Got to light my candles. This kind of looks like an altar to Han Solo. I mean, why not. SW is still the reason we met so maybe we need an altar to the god of Star Wars.

Told you im totally ready for autumn now.

Off to vote this afternoon and do my human duty. I say human because its one of those elections. The ones that create history. Or in the words of Joel Kinnaman.

#KlivIntePå pic.twitter.com/dloMWxAkwI

— Joel Kinnaman (@joelkinnaman) August 25, 2018

I agree, dont start down that route. We KNOW where it ends. Between the hate and division this creates there is less room for the things that makes a society blossom. And it scares me that a party that wants to limit women and LGBTQ rights are set to maybe become the second biggest party in Sweden. I also stand behind helping refugees and accepting immigration but its harder for me to talk about since i havent been in Sweden for the last 8 years and cant tell the impact of the last couple of years. But i know for sure that going backwards on human rights is never the right things to do.

As ive told you before, my vote this election goes to the party i think has the biggest chance to work against the right wing party in Sweden.

Behind the mask

Behind all these posts about scans and tests and results is a deep to the bone stress. When people told me to try and not stress during this process i see where they are coming from. Because once you start its there. And you cant stop thinking about it. There are babies and pregnant women everywhere. Everywhere. Even in your dreams.

But how do you not stress about something that you are going to doctors appointments for? Something that affects all decisions of your life. Something you have dreamt of for a long time? And that you dont have any answers for?

That takes a stronger mind than mine. I do stress. And worry. And lay awake at night thinking about it. It affects George as well. Of course it does. Im in a bad place and his life is filled up with all of this too. At the clinic yesterday i saw that they do counselling focused on this and once back from holiday i will look into it. Because this is too hard.

There is where my mind ends up laying awake in the middle of the night. That this is just too hard. That i want to flee my own life. That if i walk out and dont look back i dont have to face reality. No, that is not an option and i dont WANT that but i cant help but dream of easier times.

My life is not harder than anyone elses, life is a shit storm sometimes and i know a lot of people fighting harder things. But right now this is my reality and its bringing me down.

Yesterday i had a business meeting at Salesforce. They have taken over pretty much all of Heron Tower except for the restaurants at top. Awesome view even if i was sure some security guards was about to tackle me at all times.

Wore birds.

Ate lentil salad. Wish i could say i was thinking about Bulgaria and beach life in a couple of weeks but no. My stomach is so bloated and have been for the last couple of months so im just giving in to it.

Like this dude. No cares in the world. I wish that life was that easy some times.

The first scan

Went to my first scan yesterday. This was the investigation scan where they look at the shape of your uterus and ovaries as well as making sure there are no visible endomitriosis.

Apparently all looked good..

The doctor wouldnt say more and i think there will be more information and discussion once we get back to our main doctor. George was a hero and went with me. Its kind of nerve wrecking having your insides on display like that. You kind of wait for them to take this deep breath and go ‘What is this shit??’. But no, even if my left ovary was a bit hard to see all was well.

Phew! One down, one to go.

Im also looking into getting an Ava bracelet. One of my problems with detecting ovulation is that i dont get the 3 hours solid sleep thats needed before taking your temperature every morning. Between Georges snoring and Woollys waking up in the middle of the night at least 50% isnt 3h solid sleep. Not sure how much of an impact that has but given how hard its been for me to track i think a wearable could be an option.

Pricey though so need to do my research.

Me when i came back from the scan. Stress crashed a bit so made W snuggle me. Easier to just roll with it Wools.

In the evening it was Leannes bday dinner. Her parents were in town so we all went to the Princess of Shoredith for food.

Including this lil pro begger.

Happy bday cheers.

Always a George to make sure he is in the picture.

Woolly was the star of the show. He is such a spoilt doggo. Bodes somewhat ill for the future and our kids.

After a lovely dinner with an awesome crew it was time to tube it back. Leanne has her actual bday party tonight but i might give that one a miss.

Now im off to an external meeting. See me rollin.

Election times

Swedish election is coming up. And even if i have lived here for the last 8 years of course ill be voting.

I normally have a hard time knowing who to vote for and have been supporting different parties over the last 10 years. But this time i feel like i know what i need to do. There are two things that have fallen into place for me.

The first one is making sure that there is a strong opponent to SD. SD is our far right party and aside from trying to stop immigration they are also looking at making it harder to get an abortion, remove the parental leave and generally decrease women rights. Its also putting the heterosexual family at its core and is generally against differences. Everything that goes against my beliefs. This means that i need one of the bigger parties to be able to stand against them. Also one that wont bend and work too closely with them.

The second thing is that living and working here in London ive come to appreciate a lot of things in Sweden. Free education, cheap child care, equality, shared parental leave, low levels of pollution in the air, 30 days holiday leave, a good pension system and a generally good health care system.

Given all of these its become quite easy to see which parties stand for the things i really find worth fighting for. I know if might have felt differently if i didnt have capitalistic London as my counter part but for the moment i will vote for our swedish welfare system who results in a very equal society across the board. Most of the things i struggle with living here are working in Sweden due to that.

These are my results when doing the online test. Its quite clear that my opinions lean toward the left. I used to be quite purple but i guess London have made me red at heart.

Never too old for anything

It’s bank holiday in England today. And Notting hill carnival. We are not there. We are not even drinking. Just chilling at home watching series and walking Woolly. Living the high life.

Sometimes (as in not very often) it hits me that I’m 36. A tad too old (well, depends on who you ask) to live the party life I live. Or, let’s rephrase that. I don’t think you get ‘too old’ for anything. I think you should do what makes you happy and just enjoy life. My problem is that young at heart doesn’t always mean young in body and my body gets hangover like a bitch.

So, this weekend of chill out has been seriously good for my old bones. Feel refreshed.

We did go for a havelock dinner on Saturday. Had one drink. And delicious food. Perfect night according to my hangover. And my liver. They are in cahoots.

Then it mostly rained. Woolly turned into a gremlin and refused to go out.

Looking snazzy in his somewhat too big coat.

Today our life looks like this. Me freezing under a blanket and George shwetting in his boxers.

Standard in casa Munstev

Sometimes you need the facts

Ok, this is going to be a post just about all the fertility stuff so for those of you who finds this beyond boring I promise a baby making free one next time. (And might be a bit too detailed for you dad)

One thing that strikes me about all of this though is how little you know about this as a woman. In school we pretty much get told we’ll get pregnant as soon as someone sneezes on us but no one talks about the other side of the story, when it doesn’t work.

There is a whole lot of tests since there is a WHOLE lot of things that can be wrong.

I’ve already done the blood test, looking at general issues like thyroid gland or anything else weird showing up. It also seems like im ovulating (I have my period every month even if it’s very irregular) so the two tests I have still to do is an investigation scan looking at the general health and shape of my uterus to see if there are any endometriosis issues or wrong with the shape of my uterus (yeah, that’s a thing) and the mother of all tests – the HSG.

The HSG (hysterosalpingogram) is when they put some liquid into your Fallopian tubes to see if there are any blockings. Apparently this is the big, scary one. If your tubes are badly blocked it’s either surgery or no can do.

Depending on the results you then look at next steps. Medication, surgery or ivf.

If you end up down the ivf route I had no idea that there is only about 23% chance per try if you are my age and when you hit 40 about 9% meaning that NHS won’t fund it since the odds are too low.

So yeah, you live and learn. I just wish I’d known some of this earlier. That people spoke about it. That I didn’t feel like such a failure for being broken until I realised how many actually have issues. Also, since people start trying for babies later in life it would be good to know how long this stuff take. You need 6 months of hormones and suppressing your period before you can even start an ivf treatment. With 23% chance…

Also, massive shout out to NHS for being awesome in this. For referring me, getting me all the tests and helping me free of charge. All of these tests etc are not cheap if you are going private.

So next Tuesday if I’m off to the scan and the Thursday after is the HSG and then George and me are off for holiday only thinking about beaches and sun and cocktails. My brain will need that break from all of this.

Cool as a cucumber

Got my period today. Makes my soul feel like

Enough about that. Now i can book all my scans and stuff and hopefully get some answers. Silver linining the shit out of life.

Or more like this. Keeping the worry going strong.

At least my garden is loving the colder weather. Hello little mini sunflower. So pretty. I only planted this last minute hoping that it could take the heat but ill definitely be having more of these baby ones next summer.

And look at this bad boy. I turned my head and nestles in the leaves was almost a fully grown cucumber. My hope is to get enough to make my own pickles that can then be drunk at our wedding as pickle backs. Probably only be enough for George and me 🙂

A finedrinking experience

George and me decided we needed people and drinks and food last night so what better than heading up to Resident on Paradise Row to finally try Liam’s new drink menu.

He’s basically basing his cocktails on food so the drinks menu is built up like a dinner menu starting with oysters and champagne and ending with carrot cake and espresso martini.

Yes, they were all delicious.

First one I had was a lovely apple and pea

And George did the oysters and champagne. Yes I had a sip and I’ve never wanted to be able to drink champagne that bad.

This hot guy serving me an Eton Mess. Just keep them coming.

The carrot cake might have been my favourite. Or one of my favourites. Honestly, loved them all.

Needed this night out with my man. Too much stress over the last couple of days.

Ending with a coffee. Tasted like melted coffee ice cream.

Liam, you and your menu is all kinds of awesome.

Then we headed to home for some verditas and late night sing along with the crew.

Totally the night we both needed. Never forget to have fun and laugh with the people that matter the most. Fact.

Today ‘working’ from home. Good thing it’s still dead at work….

Like a broken phone

So, im still waiting for my appointment with my GP to get my prozac prescription re issued. Not sure what happened but ive been without for about a month now.

For any of you who have ever needed anti depressants you know what that means. How unstable your mind feels when you dont have something to stabilize it. How your skin feels thin like paper and you blood rushes. How the fear of spiraling makes you…spiral.

With that said im actually ok. As in, im not at all at the bottom. See it as a phone battery slowly draining of life. Im still half full but need a charge soon. But, im also a bit like one of those iffy phones that start acting up when your battery is only half full.

Started crying to my chinese high school series yesterday. Because love and feels and all that. That turned into an ugly cry on the sofa because life is not as easy as high school drama. Poor W hid in another room. When i was done he put a little snout in my lap. Dogs for life.

Ha, this is me mentioning to George that ive written something on my blog and his mum calling at the same time. He totally thought she called to ask about it :). But she just wanted to speak to her awesome son.

Made chocolate balls yesterday. Half and half. Still pearl sugar in my heart though. Coconut just doesnt taste of my childhood the same way.

Also did a face mask. Working on that glow. I have quite a lot of friends starting to do botox. Getting rid of the wrinkles and looking younger. I know thats the sign of the times. Its kind of the mark of money and class these days to pay not to age. Not talking the kardashian way but generally. Most successful women make sure the hide the signs of ageing in a graceful way.

But i cant help loving my wrinkles. The 5 year old girl in me that loved my dads wrinkly forehead because it made her laugh wants that. Plus i also just cant. I dont like the thought of taking the decisions to alter myself for vanity. But hey, that might change. Im definitely fighting a losing battle against my greying hair.

Bought a new jacket for W. Its a bit big on him. Hes such a little skinny one.

Perfect set up. Grilled bagel, chocolate balls and Meteor Garden. I had to write Julia and tell her NOT to watch it halfway through because its so culturally frustrating sometimes. Its all about not going against the family, they still have arranged marriages, girls being cute and weak and liking sweet things and boys being tough and mean.

To be able to watch it i have to remind myself its not my culture and to be open minded to how others do it.

A day in Richmond

One of the things I feel like me soul is literally screaming for this summer is nature. Since ive barely been on holiday ive been more or less been chilling out in the asphalt jungle for the last couple of months when everyone else have been posting pictures from beaches and sea.

So, it was time for the closest to nature you can get without leaving London – Richmond.

As soon as Katta and me entered the park we went straight for the blackberry bushes. They were ripe and filled with berries, a bit of a mission to pick the ones that hadnt been taken by other wanderers but no ones discourages a swede.

Happy blackberry face.

Katta is a pro. This girl is born to walk around in nature. We decided to go on a hiking trip this fall. Ill leave W and G at home and enter the wild with this one.

Richmond looked like some beautiful savanna like landscape. Ive never seen it this yellow and green at the same time.

I love getting lost here. Could walk around for days.

Woolly was in heaven as well. He just ran around like a crazy. If dogs could smile he would be. Ive never seen him channeling a labrador as much.

For lunch we met with Linnea and Lollo at Petersham. I know keep raving about it but this place is just so calm and beautiful. Plus the food is delicious.

More walking because definitely not ready to go back into town.

Lollo is looking at doing an exercise and mindfulness retreat later this year. Sign me up. Need some more of that in my life. This autumn is going to be all about the things i love like nature and books and friends.

We decided to start a bookclub. Meet once an month and discuss books. Take turns recommending or choosing something. Love this.

Woolly feels like a king when he get to hang with the ladies.

I think i killed him though. He slept for like two days after our 4h walk.

So yeah, Bookclub Babes are now a thing. Its me, Katta, Lollo, Linnea and Lily. We have two open spots for any readers out there.

But because books is not all i spent my weekend binge watching this chinese high school drama. Its all anime esqu and super cheesy but i cant stop watching. cant really recommend it to people that dont do anime because its kind of weird for people that are used to american TV. Like Bollywood. But i love it.