Hi and bye

We are off to Dublin today after some amazing days at the country house and Sthlm. Too much to tell and too shitty internet to try and upload it all now so I’m giving you all lil happy picture from me and my man enjoying a glass of engagement champagne from my baby bro.

We had the best time though and I feel like I’ve gotten George one smaller step closer to actually enjoy sthlm. I mean, today he is stupid hangover so I’m sure he’s happy to leave but pretty winter wonderland country house definitely helped.

If I don’t write before – Happy New Years. Missed to say Merry Christmas so will throw one of them in there as well.

And to my sthlm people. I love you!!

Hello Stockholm

We are here. In Sweden. And it’s snowy. So amazing. Love my winter wonderland Sweden.

After a somewhat hectic flight out of London landed and got met by my hot man at the airport. Thank you baby. We went straight to Alex to pick up his keys (thank you awesome person) and then to Balzac for some food and a drink with Sanna

Hello there cutie. So happy to get a couple of hours catch up.

Ready for Sweden babes.

After some food we headed to the flat. It has the best view. All snowy and pretty and damn do I love this city. Still all snotty and a bit sicky so went straight to bed. Need to gather those juices for Christmas.

Today off on a classic sthlm round. Seeing Asrin’s parents in Kungsängen, then back to see Sanna for some wedding plans, then dinner with the girls and then maybe drinks with PP. Giddy up pony.

But, I’m missing jules because I totally missed that George had booked lunch with Asrin’s parents and I feel bad. Well, that goes with every sthlm trip.

In other news, we just booked our flights to Sydney for Bens wedding in March and then straight back into ivf. Means we get a holiday and then start the journey.

George really wanted to go and I think it’ll be good to get away and then we’ll be back mid March and can start as soon as we are ready.

All I want for Christmas

We just got told from the doctors that we are eligible to start ivf from February.

Best. Christmas. Gift. Ever.

I promise I’ll never hate on my bday being valentines if it means a little maybe baby.

At the airport eating Wagamama after the quickest security check ever. Flights like 20 min late but can live with that. Life is goooood today. Sweden, I’ll see you soon.

Jetting off

Leaving for Sweden today. Cross your fingers that no one decides to fly drones over Heathrow as well!! There has been a couple of years when it’s been a near miss if I’ll get home so let’s not make 2018 the year I didn’t make it…

I’m so fucking ready for some chrimbo celebrations. Just need to beat this cold first.

Heading to Sthlm for a couple of days. Meeting my girls. Julia and Agnes tomorrow and then Sanna and Maggie tomorrow night. Feel like I need some hugs and love.

Had a little freak out the other day. Because I’m scared. I mean, I’m super happy we can get ivf but I also worry about that journey.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so fucking happy we have the health system we do and that we get this kind of help and that hopefully it will all turn out freaking amazing. That’s like 98% of what I feel.

But there is 2% scared ‘oh shit medication and hospitals and surgery and all that jazz’ and maybe like a smidgen of ‘but what if it doesn’t work, it’ll break our hearts’. So yeah, all I want for Christmas is for this to have a happy ending.

But first, all the Christmas partying.

Btw, here are the boys at the danish Christmas party. Gave Søren matching underwear to George. Sexy.

Love Ian’s and Åsas outfit. Skills to pay the bills.

There was a lot of games and quizzes. This is Kaspar getting loose and ready to win for our team in the lip sync battle. Yasss queen.

Playing with the gift game gifts.

Things escalated from there… Blame the kongsgaard hot apple toddy. Yummy.

What an absolute excellent night. Thanks crew for having us. We will be back…

Happy mini Christmas

Slowly getting better. Still in bed but at least fever is gone ish and I’m feeling like I’m somewhat alive. Might even brave the outside today.

Yesterday we had our mini Christmas. Kats also sick and George is the grinch so it was a somewhat subdued celebration.

Didn’t stop me from Santa hatting it in front of the tree. Here posing with our awesome new Sydney bauble. Thanks Krastev’s!

We watched Elf and ate Turkish in true Christmas style.

Gave George two pattern jumpers and a new bottle of his favourite perfume since it’s big and bulky to travel with to Sweden,

Kat (sorry angel for this picture) got jewellery from both me and George. What happens when you shine bright like a diamond.

Me, I got this amazing book lamp that is actually a book from George. Love it.

I also got this super pretty dress all the way from Sydney. It’s absolutely perfect and I love it. Will wear it once I crawl out of this bed.

Plus the best zombie unicorn set from Kat. Will be the coolest kid on the block this summer. I mean, zombie unicorns…

After all that excitement we all got back into bed trying to kill our different ailments. Fun crew this. Today is packing day. George is off tonight and I leave tomorrow. See you soon Sweden.

Two half’s make a whole

Still so sick. Long time since I was this bad. Day 4 and still rocking a fever and a very sexy chesty cough.

Add to this that George went out and brought back people to stay over and the cleaner is here this morning and I feel like I live in a frat house. 22 or 36?

But, I still have a couple of more days to recover before Sweden so hoping to be fit for fight to see everyone on Friday. And pack. And travel.

Fuck. Not feeling ready for this at all. At least tonight George and Kat will be here and we’ll do mini Christmas. I’ll have help with the woolly walks and we’ll watch elf. Perfect night.

Downside with having a doggo when you sick is that they still need to go out…

The sister rings George made me and sis were ready last night.

Mine is the thinner and my sisters the one with the two textures. It’s made up of two Cs interlinking to make a whole. Cissi and Carro being better together. Sisters <3.

Love them and love how George can see what we are and make something beautiful out of it. Sisters being whole together.

New Years resolutions

I really hate being sick. I lay here in bed surrounded by tissue paper and medicines in the midst of fever dreams about us getting evil triplets (don’t ask) bathing in my own sweat.

Nice picture I painted there right!

Thinking about New Years resolutions. Last years was to get my economy in order and I have. Managed to save a happy little buffer with plum and got my proper savings started. Nothing much but no longer in credit card debt that I started the year with.

So what this year? I have stopped smoking since 6 months back, eat fairly healthy, walk a lot and generally manage physical and mental health. I’ve also gotten better at saying no and focus on my self.

Hm. Maybe I should get involved in a charity. Give of my time and commitment. But might be a bit tricky with all the things we start of next year with.

Nah, I think my resolution will be to give myself a break. Next year will bring enough challenges to not add to that. So Cissi, next year just live.

Btw, 100 readers last week. Hello new and old faces. Sorry for my somewhat self centred musings but that’s what this place is, my way of dealing with the lemons life throws you.

You are more than welcome to this little place.

The first hurdle down

Ok, here goes. We had our dreaded and long awaited doctors appointment yesterday. Dreaded because the last thing they said was that were a very big chance we could never have a baby. And then left us hanging for three months. And that’s why the answer was looooong awaited.

Clever move. Because when they told us yesterday that we need ivf we rejoiced. I mean, there is a chance for that little Bulgarian/Aussie/Swedish/Norwegian monster.

So yes, due to George having both a low percentage of correctly shaped sperm and slow swimmers and me having one follicle higher up there is a very low chance for natural conception. Those slow swimming buggers have an even longer way to swim to get to the goal.

So here we are. Waiting for the fun ride of ivf. Next step is seeing a consultant and plan the treatment. NHS gives you one fresh cycle and one frozen (thank you you awesome institution) and after that we can continue private at the same clinic if it doesn’t work.

Ivf means hormone treatment for me for about 4 weeks, two of them which is daily injections (fun) and then minor surgery to remove the eggs, mix them of with the Bulgarian champions and then hope for an embryo for implantation.

And if all goes well it’ll be a baby at the end. You know, barring miscarriage and normal issues. It’s about 20% chance to get pregnant in an ivf cycle.

So there is a long way to go still. But at least we know, we have a plan and can focus rather than spending all our time wondering. Focus on the goal guys, a little baby but the end of next year!

Kind of gave it away when our form at the doctors had like a million not so fun stickers that they expected us to be coming back a lot.

Today sick in bed. Guess I crashed from everything. My fever dreams last night was interesting to say the least.

Baby it’s cold outside

Early morning. I went to bed at 9 yesterday. So tired. I have lit all the candles in the living room and me and Woolly are in the soft glow from the Christmas tree. I’m reading an easy book with my cup of tea.

I do everything to not think about the fact that my period came today. Again. I dreamt that we had a baby and it hated me. To the point that it left to live with another family. Don’t even get me started on what that might mean.

In the darkness of a lonely morning with George still in bed I’m just sad. And a bit hopeless. There is no pretending for friends or colleagues or George. It’s just me and the fact that I’ve been hoping for a year and it feels so, so far away. I don’t even remember how to believe this is going to happen any longer.

I’ll just have to put my love on my little furry baby instead.

Christmas party galore

Im in a world of hungover pain today. We had our Christmas party and lets just say that there was a lot of booze and very little food and you can probably guess the rest.

Love my team though. Got a lot of love from everyone for them. People kept telling me that my team is amazing and and everyone kept chanting Uday throughout the night. And more than one person told me its because im a great manager. Got a little teary eyed. Plus i got compliments for my dress. An overall very good night. (100% more proud of the praise of my management than my dress. Boss lady.)

We started the day with Secret Santa. Natalia as a happy little elf.

Santa clearly knows me. Boozy candy. Yum.

I gave Martin a shirt with dancing brussel sprouts on. Feel like i nailed it.

Very happy Secret Santa team. Good work crew.

Went home and got my make up going. Red lips for the win.

Drinking Henry Westons in honour of Henry. Even if he left us. Bastard.

Team drinking.

Then i took zero photos, had a great night, danced like there was no tomorrow, forgot to eat and the best time with my colleagues. Until i realised i was hammered around midnight and went home.

Really glad i had a photographer to document the end of my night. And no, im not eating from Woollys bowl.

The world os not an easy place today.

But at least Uday is a f**king hero and got us all makkie breakfast.

Rocking Christmas jumper day today. Light it up guys.

Thank god for no plans tonight. Need sofa and no alcohol bad. Especially since we are doing another Christmas party tomorrow. Bless my liver.