Shitty news

We got some bad news yesterday. After my little happy post about not waiting by the phone the nurse called.

Basically George viral blood test came back (we both had to do one within 3 months if ivf) and his blood fat is too high. This means he has to do a new one when we are back plus check his cholesterol. If its not better when back from holiday im not sure if it will stop us from doing the treatment.

So we are both on health lock down. Minimum alcohol plus veggies and fruit all the way. We’ll eat avocado until it squirts out our ears. Not easy when in Sydney but it is what it is. There is no alternatives at the moment. I think the hardest bit is going to be for George to not eat 5 times a day of his mums food. Last time in Sydney he gained 7kg. This time he basically needs to lose weight.

Honestly, i would struggle if that was me coming back to Sweden. Maybe Gina and me can create a cookbook together of her recipes and ill cook it all for him after this is done. As a treat. Because he wont be able to eat like last time.

This was me feeling all happy yesterday walking around on my ‘teenage clothes’ as a colleague called it.

This is me after the call. I started crying. I dont know, i just finally felt like it was all done and we were getting the treatment and i could relax and now this. I know we are not back to square one but we have another uncertainty and we cant just relax on the holiday.

We were supposed to do the bookclub yesterday but i was not the only one not feeling great so we cancelled. I needed that. I read a book called Royals and emptied my mind of everything. Feel better today. We can do this. Only positive thoughts.

Loopely loops

I couldnt sleep last night. Mind churning. Its weird because im a lot calmer overall, realised that in the first time for 9 months im not staring at my phone hoping the doctors will call with answers and i have my medication and ready to start this.

But, sometimes its hard not to worry. Worst case scenarios run through your head. I also read up on tips to prime yourself. Its all about sleeping (easy when you worry), eating right and on time, will stop my fasting thing once i start since im not sure if it will interfere, and then all about massages and relaxing. Plus eating the folic acid and vitamin D. Plus it seems like there is no problem continuing on the anti depressants.

And of course stay away from the alcohol. No problems having a drink or two until the actual treatment but then you should basically treat your body like you are actually pregnant.

Telling my manager today, have a workshop tomorrow and then holiday mode. Im so happy we are doing this trip. Its worked out perfect with the treatment anyway and i feel like i need that break.

Another sunny day. Worked from home and walked W in the afternoon. Im hoping my manager will agree to unofficial flexible working hours for the treatment, otherwise i can request it to make sure i can stress less. That another thing they mention, pull down the tempo at work for this period.

George were having Harry and Liam over but due to late dinner (you know, like normal people) i ended up sorting myself out. With a GT marmelade sandwhich. Weirdly nice. Thanks Lollo.

Boys having dinner together. George treated them to a bulgarian special of Shopska, zucchini with garlic sauce and kofte. Harry kept saying it was all greek anyway.

Heh, love Liams face in this panorama. Glitching. Fun hanging out with the boys on their phones.

A post mostly about hair

We have that false pre spring in London right now. When its way too warm for the season but still 1 degree when i walk W in the morning. Its lovely. And yes, i know it might be because of global warming but its still lovely. Even if i keep to my 2 clothes a month, less plastic, less meat and all that. You can enjoy the sun on the face and worry for the state of the earth at the same time.

Im working from home today. About to take W out soon and planning for being away. I spoke to HR about the ivf, setting things up for the panel ill sit on in March and preparing the team for a manager less 3 weeks. Im sure they are really sad…

With my team growing with 3 people ill now look after 38 full time and 18 temps. Thats a big ass team. Yeah, i totally need a holiday.

I walked W late afternoon yesterday. The sun was setting and it was on the cusp of being too cold without a jacket. But still lovely.

This is buy 1 of March. A white jumper for the summer months. And then a dog jumped straight up on it with its paws.

This. Golden afternoon light on cherry blossoms.

Ha, and then while we were watching shows i decided to try all the hairdos with my little scarf. This George thought was school girl meets stewardess.

Here the classic side braid.

We watched something about gang wars and i styled myself accordingly.

The russian braid crown.

And last but not least the peasant double braid.

Yeah, how to keep yourself entertained on a Monday night. Now i need to walk W before he kicks my ass.

Lovely days

What a weekend we’ve had. 17 degrees and sun. The smell of flowers and the sound of the birds waking up after a long winter. Warm enought to lay in the park in a t-shirt smelling the new grass. Premiering the garden and being very in love with my little family.

George laughed at me when i said that i love the winter. ‘You hate the cold. You are miserable all through January and February’. True. And i love the sun and the warmth.

I feel like a spent most of it outside. Thats a good thing. W was all conked out after a long day in the park and slept through the night. I feel like we all needed this.

The daffodils are blooming this year too. Interesting to see what has survived the winter.

Reunited with my little hound. I went to a business meeting on Friday and had some interesting talks. Will do another panel in London in March. Building my brand as they say, growing by doing things that are scary as i say.

More time in the park. Wand me running around like little kids.

No need for a jacket.

And in the garden it gets hot enough for a top. W is as excited as i am.

Cuddle with my main man. Perfect with a warm dog body to take away that slight chill of the february sun.

Ice cream in the garden. Yes, i went all in on the summer feeling this weekend. Getting prepared for Sydney.

Its blooming.

We took artsy pictures behind the flowers. Thats the kind of cool people we are.

Yes, i might have been walking around all weekend talking about how pretty it all is. George could not care less. Im like ‘look, a pretty flower’, hes like ‘yeah, whatevs’. Thats pretty much all we said this weekend.

On Saturday night Katta came over and we watched Dirty Dancing. George had never seen it before and Katta and me quoted all the lines and sighed over Patrick Swayze. I stand by that its the bestest romantic girl movie.

On Sunday i wore a kid outfit. Curduroy, wide trousers, sneakers and a backback. Havent worn one of those since i was 13. I even had a hair clip. 7 or 37?

Family selfies. The rest dont care much but someone has a blog to create content for…

Yes, this is how warm it was. A little bit of sun on my nose. Didnt get any colour on my vampire skin of course but who cares. SUN!!

These guys. I was so silly in love with my family. Had this feeling that everything will work out.

Kid life.

Went to Queens Head. They were all happy to see us again after last weekend and came straight with dog biscuits for Woolly. Bribing the doggos, they know how to work it. Had a roast and a cider. Its mandatory in this weather.

Hello there.

Needed this. I feel a lot calmer today. Leaving on Friday and then back into everything when we are back. Told my HR person at work today and just need to speak to my manager as well. She thought the easiest way is to just do a bit flexible working hours during April. So hopefully my manager agrees and i can balance it without issues.

A beautiful night in Paris

What a beautiful evening in Paris last night. It was 15 degrees and one of those first spring evenings that feels like magic.

So I decided to bring my left over from the day before and walk up toward Sacre Coeur to have my dinner with a view.

I was not the only one to have that idea and the steps of the church were filled with people. There was music floating on the air and for once I understood why people fall in love with Paris.

I sat down on the steps and made myself a very French dinner of baguette, cheese and ham.

The sun was slowly going down and the view was absolutely spectacular. Next to me some Italian girls took photos and behind me a Dutch couple shared a bottle of wine.

I texted with the girls back home in Sweden and missed them. These moments should be shared. But in a way I did. With them and all the people around me talking, singing and enjoying that first taste of spring.

It got darker and I decided to walk home. The streets of Paris aren’t easy at night when you are a lonely woman.

It was a beautiful walk and once back at the hotel I read my book, texted George and felt happy with a life well lived.

Paris through selfies

Whenever i go to Paris im so shit at hanging out with anyone. I do have friends here, i just cant be bothered. This time around me and Lollo were both in Paris, and ended up staying in our respective hotels eating supermarket food.

Happy im not the only one not really living the high life in Paris.

Guess its because im mostly here mid week doing work stuff and at the moment trying to stay away from drinks and getting my sleep. Love that Ol was all sweet when i told him about ivf and that he needs to be available for Woolly in April and said that i need to get my sleep, he just read thats super important for fertility in a sleep book. So him.

Awesome having a good relationship with my ex. And that he is super happy to help in April, makes the whole in and out of hospital easier.

Anyways, in Paris and living the lonely life.

Yesterday had to wait at the station for quite some time due to cancelled and rebooked train and then having to be there an hour early.

Once i got on the train my seat was ‘out of order’ and the train completely full so jumped into an empry one hoping to not get kicked out.

I did but instead got two seats to myself and a drink voucher. Sometimes you win even when you lose.

Arrived in a Paris smelling of spring. Its 15 degrees and sunny out today. That perfect spring weather. This is the view from my hotel. Hello there little roof tops.

I went out to do the most french of things, buy a baguette to walk the streets with it under my arm. People still do that here.

Ha, then to a less romantic setting, supermarket food on my bed. A classic. Finished our bookclub book and then watched an episode of the umbrella academy. Good night. Slept like a baby too so ready for the french today.

Tonight i might even go out for dinner. We’ll see.

The last of the birthday festivities

Dont worry, i didnt forget about putting the pics up from my birthday party on the Saturday. After celebrating for two days already i was a bit tired around the edges but im not an old party girl for nothing. I put my face on, jumped into a skirt and was ready for round 3.

Started the morning in a sea of flowers. From mum and dad, jules and my subscription. Ive realised im just becoming older and older with how happy flowers make me. They are life.

Then we took the little mini hound out for a walk. Look at how light my hair is. Its gone a LOT lighter since i coloured it. And the grey hairs start peeking through. Will see how long i can be bothered with this colouring malarkey.

But, my vanity liked not being grey haired. Oh, the vanity…

Then pub times. I had booked a table for food and drinks in the Queens Head from 1pm. Food on me and drinks on the people. Plus 6h hang time. Perfect for what i was feeling up to.

George started by assembling my unicorn balloon.

Yeah, ready to rock and rumble.

Elin and Tom were the first to show up. Woohoo! They also gave me the sweetest gift. A set of unmatchy earrings with each one of them wearing one. So bff earrings with both of them. You can see the one Tom has in this picture. Love it.

Gin and Tonics. Lollo and Linnea gave me blue shimmer powder for my GTs. Look how pretty they are.

Boys and Lily.

The bookclub was there. Even if both Lily and Lollo has left the bookclub is all about awesome women.

And all of a sudden the trubadour i who was on for 7 decided to play me a little birthday tune. Too sweet.

Ha, Linnea making friends with his dog Py

The day kept going and friends came and went. Exactly what i was hoping for. Around 4 Eric showed up with girlfriend and puppy!!

The cutest little angel (the pup, not Eric…)

Ha, party crew.

As you can see things started to get a bit blurry. The problem with drinking for 12h is that even if you try and take it semi easy it turns into a lot of drinks.

My family <3. Poor Woolly hated us by the end of it but he was a trooper ar always and just stared hopelessly into the abyss that was never ending pub hang out.

More selfies with besties because why not.

haha, more photos of the boys. George went home and did a clothes change in the middle of it. Channeling Ru Paul.

After many hours at the Queens head we went home to our for a couple of more drinks before i decided that the night was over by pulling Woolly into my lap and falling asleep.

Felt horrible the day after but so worth it seeing all my friends and having the best of days.

My life is pretty damn perfect.

As seen in this picture. Dinner goals.

And on top of everything my birthday week ended with that first wiff of spring.

Its getting better people, i promise.

Paris and ivf plans

Im off to Paris today. My Eurostar was cancelled last minute so i had to rebook and now come home Friday morning for a meeting in town with one of our providers CEO at 3pm. The glam life of travelling. At least its train which is so much easier than flying. And better for the environment.

But before going to the train today im helping George hand in some rings in Highbury and Islington. Running all over the city like a ninja.

We had our ivf appointment yesterday. I will start the supressor medication while im in Sydney (its to stop the natural cycle so that they can plan when everything will happen) and then once im back we will start the treatment in early April. They went through all the steps, injections (with a serious needle, George will handle that shit…), scans every three days, egg retrieval, then mixing the egg and sperm in the lab and if any of the embryos survive 3 days later do the implantation and hoping for the best.

Since i just turned 37 there is the question of implanting 1 vs 2 embryos. Lower chance of a baby with one but ‘risk’ of twins with two. Guess we need to have a talk about that.

So yeah, lots of information and things to think about. I also need to speak to work when im back from Paris since this means i need to be in and out of the hospital in April. Speaking of work. I just got promoted to Director of Customer Engagement. Feels awesome and weird at the same time since this takes up so much of my time. I barely know whats what at the moment.

Holiday badly needed.

Speaking of holiday. This is the suit George is wearing being the groomsman for Ben at his wedding. Looking hawt. But not cheap…

After shopping we went for dinner at Byron. I was craving a burger. And milkshake apparently. Hey there banana goodness.

And then it was time for a play we booked in December. True west with Kit Harrington and Johnny Flynn. Everyone knows Jon Snow and Johnny is from one of George absolute favourite shows Lovesick.

Overly excited since we’ve heard amazing things about the show. Its by Sam Shephard and tells the story about two brothers and their relationship while writing a screenplay for a movie.

We were on the third row…

Jon Snow was veeeeery close.

The theatre were full of very young girls clearly being there for Kit. Ha, poor girls seeing the absolute opposite of GoT. Especially since he played a deeby, nerdy guy in ugly clothes.

The aftermath.

I loved the play and so happy we went. Our promise to ourselves this year was to try anf keep our mind of things with fun outings like this and it worked. I forgot all about putting needles in my belly and was all giddy coming home.

Spring signs

Im going to show you all the epic photos from my bday lunch on the Saturday. Love my friends and all the amazing gifts and bday love i got.

But first an update on all the baby stuff. We are having our coordination meeting today and after signing and reading through all the consent forms yesterday its all becoming very real. I knew it was some real shit but its becoming very clear that April will be a heavy month. Its like 4 different medication and 2 different injections and surgery and recovery and epic side effects.

As George said yesterday ‘im sorry its so onesided’. So am i buddy. Even happier now about holiday first.

London gave me the first signs of spring yesterday. I was on my way to the massage George gave me for my bday and loved this little sign of things to come.

The massage was great but she said that im super tense, probably because im too tall for my desk at work. Which is true. My back, and my neck, have been acting up for the last couple of years and thats probably the reason. Damn being so tall.

A serious pile of papers. I think it was around 10 different forms that needed to be filled out.

I had a bit of spredable gin while going through all of that boring stuff. Suprisingly nice. Thank you Lollo ❤

Using a very sexy pen for our signing. Thank you Marketa, Dan and Lucie for this beauty.

Look! I love snowdrops. And they were everywhere in the park this morning.

Some epic cake goodness

What a weekend. Im feeling kind of ok today but i was struggling yesterday. Cant remember the last time i did 3 day in a row. Still life in this old gal.

More cake on Friday. Or maybe that was my first cake? Either way, cake!!

Ha, the team singing to Sita and me. I feel like we are pro cake blowers.

And also very cute when we cut the cake together. Even if she is half my size…

In the evening we had a work meet up. Havent seen Stevie in ages and i even missed that old geezer Henry.

It was Sitas bday drinks and since her friend is on a show called Extreme Cake Makers and had made Sita a bday cake the whole thing was filmed.

Team becoming famous.

Look at this cake!! Perfect for a make up and fried chicken loving queen lika Sita.

Boys enjoying them cookies.

After too many drinks (yes, the plan was to not stay longer than 9) we left around 11.

Took selfies of myself in the cab because thought i was pretty AF. Love drunken me. She has a lot of self love.