Lil belly pop

Went to the midwife today. It was a first appointment so mostly just information but they did take a urine sample (no diabetes, wooohoo), a blood test (waiting for the results) and a carbon menoxide breathalyser test. Had 2, anything below 6 is good. Haha London, you cant get me down!! Also, hands up to me who stopped smoking a year ago.

When we are back from holiday its time for the 12w scan and we are in the system!! I also discussed a ceasarion and its something we will look at. Im feeling really strongly about it and hoping i can get it.

Starting to feel pretty real.

We took a walk along the river yesterday. It was lovely out and W is always happy when its cooled down a bit.

Well, belly tends to pop out evenings but now its kind of always there. 10 weeks and showing, ha, this will end well. However, i havent really gained any weight, maybe 500g so even if i feel huge i guess its just the feeling of clothes not fitting and boobs being mahoossive.

On our way home i suddenly wanted McD. Stopped myself but George was like ‘finally, cravings’ and made us go back to get some. I mean, i was not entirely unhappy with my cheeseburger and fries.

Off to Sweden in a couple of hours, cant wait for some Swede food, family and friends. See you soon Sweden!

A good girl!

Holiday tomorrow!! Cant wait. But first midwife and working a full day. But then, glorious, glorious holiday.

Ive been feeling tired over the last couple of days. Not just physically but mentally. Work is a mess and not really mine to clean up but being a good girl i try anyway. And ive been alone a lot over the last couple of months. George have been away about 50% for the last two months and ive been too tired to do anything. So its been me taking care of Woolly and trying to plan everything.

I dont know. Im worried. Worried about having a baby in UK. Worried that Georges job will take him out of the city as much as hes been away these last couple of month. I cant work full time and take the baby, dog and house full time for 50%. Im going to need help but there is no one here to get help from. And in addition to that there is going to be a lot of pressure on the traveling my end as well. And to be honest, since i earn more i cant go down to like 80%, we wont make it then.

Are we just really stupid trying to do it here? Its going to cost us a minimum of £1200/month for a baby. And i love George but he is not a planner. Im the one working on budgets, setting up savings account, googling ways of doing this. He is just pretty much not around.

Yes, im feeling VERY lonely in this as you can hear. Lonely and overwhelmed. Its like 6 months left before i wont be able to do anything and there is so much to be organised. Ive given myself a project a day outside work. This week its been weeding the garden, throwing away old clothes to make room for the baby, set a baby budget and decide on the pram and book our holidays.

I dont think George knows or particularly cares what the budgets or plans are, he just assume it will be sorted. And it will be because good girl til’ i die.

Sorry, this became a bit of a vent and a rant but where better than on my own space on the internet, better out that in right.

W keeping a protective arm over Jellybean. You got my back W!

No more tail and big as a fortune cookie. And apparently you can see my little baby bump now my colleague told me. Bring it on!

Life. You and me W. And our sofa. I could write a love song about the three of us.

Happy midsummer

Sorry for the radio silence over the last couple of days. I have zero excuses. Maybe that ive been tired? Or that it feels like a mission writing about Midsummer. Well, im back and yes, i will write about the amazing holiday that is Midsummer and that Katta and me turned it around to an amazing evening once again.

Well, mostly Katta because she is hostess extra ordinaire. But i did most of the flower wreaths. Which by the way is so not me. I was never the one who could do things like that but now im binding flowers like a pro.

This years flower garland. Loving all the colours.

And yes, you need some gold stars to spice things up a little extra.

Lollo also made it last minute. She was supposed to be at a ball (Midsummer heathen) but ended up joining us with Lily and Mark. I made her flower crown as well. Pink for Lollo.

Bettina and Soren was invited as well. We wanted to show the danish a true swedish midsummer. Here her and Lily trying their hands at this malarkey that is flower binding (not easy with the stiff store bought flowers in UK)

George making drinks for everone. And mocktails for me.

Ha, us making fun of Bettinas flower skills.

The look of summer.

I think i ended up making 4 flower garlands in the end. Look at me rocking summer.

Katta presented a beautiful table. I had gone to scandi kitchen and bought all the necessary swede things and the rest we could find in the normal store.

Proper midsummer princesses.

Posing like the pros we are.

Ha, i love how everyone looks covered in flowers. And George felt very fly in my kimono.

Finally, the Katta and me midsummer selfie.

Wearing green. If you look close you can definitely see a little baby bloat. Plus my boobs are huge.

Ha, the best picture that could be found of the two of us

The danes took to midsummer like a fish to water.

I had printed songs and we did a lot of ish singing. Not that easy to get the non swedes going with the swedish songs.

I was the song master. A lot easier when you are not getting drunk yourself.

Happy Midsummer!!

From London!

And then the drinking commenced. Snaps, wine and Georges gorgeous cocktails.

Ha, Lollo looks very happy in the background…

After hours on the balcony the crew went out to laylow and i fell asleep on kattas bed. How the times have changed. George picked me up at 4.30 and i woke up feeling hang over. I think its contagious.

But, love my Midsummers and even if i miss them in Sweden the london version is pretty banging too.

Glad Midsommar!

Happy Midsummer y’all. For the first time in history im working on Midsummer. Only half day but still. Feels weird. Dont worry, we will celebrate tonight. For the longest time it looked like there might not be anything but Katta and me were not going to give up on Midsummer so we have collected a happy crew and will do dinner, flower garland binding and singing at Kattas tonight.

I have just put together the songs, been to scandi kitchen and will buy some flowers after lunch. Then we are ready to go!

Below are some pics from our two latest midsummers in London. Its all about them flowers as you can see.

Its so funny that everyone in London thinks katta and me look like sisters. Ive never heard it in Sweden but here its like the first thing people say. I guess its something swedish in our looks.

Anyways, sill and nubbe for the world tonight.

Flower queen

I have zero pictures to share from my life over the last couple of days. I felt nauseous in Paris, tired in London and hungry at work today. Me and Katta are also planning for Midsummer tomorrow, another set of amazing flower crowns coming your way.

Apparently week 10 (which im in) and 11 are the worst for feeling sick and tired. Then it changes and you get that pregnancy glow. All ready for that. Mostly gloomy, tired and bloated at the moment. But dont worry, ill be a flower queen tomorrow.

Heres another picture of me being a flower queen from Spain like 4 years ago. Maggie sent some through and yes, would love to be on a beach right now.

And drink mojitos. Looks refreshing. Tan and a beer, dreamy.

Soon. Or at least ill see the girls again when im in Sthlm next weekend. Cant wait.

Good thing you can brag about all the fun things you did years ago. Ill totally be that mum, the one who was ‘cool’ back in the days.

The smell of Paris

I realise the weirdest things with my new sense of smell. That our room sometimes smells like sleeping in a grave from the soil outside, that cigarette smoke is an absolute killer, that the smell of jalapeno pretzels in a full bar will get my mouth to water and that Paris stinks!

Yep, you hear me. The city absolutely stinks. The people (soap anyone?), the streets, dog poo, fumes form the cars and no trees to break it all up with. Sure, there is the occasional newly baked baguette but mostly its horrible.

Ive never thought about it before though so pregnant women, avoid Paris 🙂

Feeling extremly nauseus today. Have been spared the worst of that but today is a  killer. However, i finally got my midwife appointment and we are going the friday we are leaving for Sweden. 28th. So hopefully all will look ok and we can start telling the world about jellybean.

Spoke to Dani yesterday, she is also pregnant. 22 weeks and a boy. Its lovely to share this journey with friends. As hard as it is to see everyone get pregnant when you cant as lovely it is to share it. But, im very aware that a lot of people are struggling and i would never just assume that people want to hear about it. Nothing is as hard or boring as other peoples pregnancies when you either cant get pregnant or dont want to.

Other than that, here’s a picture of W trying his hardest to get a very tired mummy to play with him. With G being away a lot and me being so tired the poor guy dont have anyone to play with him.

But no giving up. Maybe the ball will work.

But eventually resolving to sad eyes which gets me every time so then i chased him around a bit. Good practive for when you have kids and never get to chill.

Everything else is good in my world. I delivered on the biggest project at work and have a couple of other ones in the pipeline and i cant wait for Sweden next week.

Budget woes

New week. This one is all about budgets. If we are to have a baby and get married next year there is a lot of saving to be done. So thats what im currently looking at. Need to put aside at least £1000/month for maternity leave and wedding as well as work out a long term budget follwing that for the £12-1500/month child care will cost.

All the fun stuff. Im planning for £1500 baby stuff before baby. £8000 maternity leave (4 months a £2000 each after i no longer have the full salary cover) and around £5000 my end for the wedding (should really be more but i honestly dont think its doable) .

£14500 in a year. Thats doable huh? So if you dont see me its because im home hoarding money in the mattress. Especially since 4 months of those will be without salary living on my saved money. Im sure the student diet of pasta and ketchup and rice and sweet and sour sauce is ideal as baby diet.

(dont worry Gina, im not stressing, just planning)

However, yesterday we met Ella and Giles for lunch at Riding House cafe. Unfortuntely took zero photos but it was a lovely lunch and so nice seeing them. Ella positively glowed. She is such a sweetheart. Got to tell them the good news, she knows how we have struggle.

Then we went to scandi kitchen to shop for midsummer. Not even fatigue will stop me from Midsummer. And a sneaky cinnamon bun of course.

Plus swede candy. Ate all of that in one sitting. Jellybean loves candy as much as i do. And yeah, i know people say your baby will end up liking what you eat when you are preggers. Jellybean, you are in luck. You will appreciate the good in life just as much as i do.

Made Woolly snuggle with me. He was not that impressed but then gave up. What moma wants moma gets.

Liam came over for dinner, candy and video games. I headed to bed and the boys stayed up. Perfect.

Paris tomorrow. Already planning my eating, its hard to find the right stuff in Paris at the moment when im off the deli meat and cheese.

Hans Ola

Sometimes I’m extra brilliant. Like coming up with stupid names for things. That was the only thing I was really good at when I did copywriting.

And now it’s our baby’s time…

Hahaha. Hans Ola. George didn’t really get how utterly stupid that name is and kind of liked it. I’m dying.

We had some serious luck yesterday. People in our, pretty posh, neighbourhood put things out on the street they don’t want and you are free to take it. We’ve found a W toy and a desk chair that way.

But yesterday was the motherload I’d finds. A top of the line baby car seat worth £350.

Sweet. You need one to leave the hospital but since we actually don’t have a car we won’t actually use it. So saved ourselves like £200. In our 2020 budget of baby, maternity leave and wedding all money counts.

Last night went for dinner and drinks with these cool cats. Ramen at shoryo

And then drinks at found of course. Loved being out again, feel like I haven’t seen people for ages.

Stomach likes it so so though and felt like shit all night but totally worth it. You ain’t bringing me down jellybean!

Today seeing Ella and Giles for lunch and next week is Paris and then midsummer. No rest for the wicked. Also, cross fingers the hospital call back and I get to see a midwife.

Funny gal

I’ve realised that one of the reasons I’m so primed to gloomy days is that I have a hard time remembering the good ones when I’m in a slump. The here and now becomes everything I can see and understand.

Like now. I keep thinking that this is my life now. I’m a boring person with no friends sitting on the sofa. Even if on some level I know that’s not true, I even have a very valid reason to be exhausted, I still can’t believe I will be back to being out and having fun.

This has become my identity now and I even rewrite history thinking that wasn’t I always someone just sitting at home being boring.

You see, my own worst enemy.

But, at least I’m funny…poor Hans Ola 😂. Can’t imagine and uglier name than that. But all for the art.

I do however have both Lukas and Ella on my list. Ella is on of my absolute favourites.

He, napping in the bathroom at work. The 2 min toilet nap is a pregnancy classic.

So happy to be able to be home today. Badly needed. Next week Paris and launch of our big offer.

Plus midsummer. Just need to come up with a plan for what to do. I’m too tired to plan but I really want to do something. Was hoping for a plan to fall into my lap but seems unlikely.

Like a coke bottle

Went to the GP this morning, to get referred a midwife. He told me I could do that myself. At the same hospital i did the ivf at. Ha, wish they would have told me that at the hospital and i wouldnt have to wait 2 weeks and go to the GP for nothing. Oh well, nhs, you have treated us well but sometimes you are just a little bit shit.

Anyway, did the self referral and now im just hoping to get an appointment. Want to make sure everything is as it should with jellybean. And yes, might have freaked out and dont ANOTHER pregnancy test. Still pregnant…

Cold sores, tired, sore throat and nervous about the baby. Im a joy at the moment. I dont think ive been this boring since i was out in the depression like 5 years ago. And to be honest, back then i numbed it all with booze so was an absolute laugh.

Lil jellybean at the moment. Almost human like.

And already so much development done. Crazy, i had no idea so much was done so early in the proccess.

And the most important measurement. Big as a cola bottle. 2.5cm. Thats like an actual real thing. Ish.

Ate pizza. Had a meltdown when Deliveroo didnt work. It prompted George to kindly inform me that ‘dont worry you are not pregnant. You definitely are, you are NOT normal’. Ok, ill take that.

Picked some strawberries form the garden. Dont have the same energy to take care of it as last year but some things are still growing out there and the strawberries are going strong.

So sexy at the moment. Ive been told the immune system goes to shit when you are pregnant and definitely finding it hard to bounce back from this cold. Maybe because im pretty stressed at work. So will work from home tomorrow. Me and the sofa. Again! BFFS forever.

Really want to go to sweden now. Slow walks in the country house forest and naps in the afternoons. Life here feels way to hectic for this exhaustion.