All the jabs

Went to the doctor this morning for whopping cough and flu jab. Double trouble. Both my arms feels like they got hit by a truck. But, im definitely not one of those anti vaccers and think its super important now that im pregnant. Going back this afternoon for a normal check up. Belly is sizeable these days and ive gained 7kg. I think thats pretty much smack mid normal. Most of my friends seem to have gained between 15-18kg.

Lil Loki is definitely on the more energetic side… Reading forums and stuff most mums say they feel their baby a couple of times a day and a kick here and there. I feel him ALL THE DAMN TIME. Kicking or wriggling or like swimming around. Its very nice when he doesnt wake me with one of this well placed rib kicks.

On Friday W and me went to Katta for dinner. She had bought special paw ham for her furry grandchild. He adores her.

And she made fish soup for us.

Dont leave me 😦

I know Sweden is the right thing all that jazz. But still. Done leave me…

On Saturday it was park walkies. Autumn feels and lots of kisses because why not.

Made a batch of chocolate balls in the evening and we smashed them. Because hell yes and sweetnes.

These guys makes life like 100% better.

On Sunday we had Frankie and Elena over for lunch. George made laksa. Yum!

Happy with his own cooking skills. Pasta a la thai that it ended up being called after it was more like a stewthan a soup. Delicious though.

And they brought treats. You can come any time. Plus a hand broidered baby bib by Frankie mum. So sweet. Loki is going to be the best dressed boy ever

(yes, im going with Loki. We havent decided on name yet and Jellybean feels to small so hes a little god of mischief)

Sunday night perfection. Hound and foot massage.

Hello there belly. Going to be hard to see anything over you soon.

Lullaby

Friday! Finally. This had been a long week. Prague, London and Paris in less than 5 days. I mean, its cool and all that but pretty draining. So bring on lazy times. Ill definitely aim for a job with less traveling as my next one. Love traveling for fun but not a massive fan of the job ones. Plus lil baby wont want mum to be away all the time.

I think he is happy in there. The kicks are getting stronger and last night he definitely woke me up with one. Looking at Georges mega thighs i dont want to think about was the end will be like. Hoping itll be so snug in there he wont have room for a proper roundhouse one.

W barking at me when i came home last night. Very angry i had to go to the bathroom rather than play with him.

Singing to lil baby this morning. Just trying the favourite name Lukas out. Its basically me singing i think he is sleeping. Because it was quiet for once in there.

Wearing actual normal clothes to work today. Finally a tad bit colder. The autumn clothes work better to just layer up and wear normal stuff.

Full outfit in all its glory. Feel almost hot.

Btw, a weird thing is guys that whistle or comment after you when you are clearly pregnat. I mean wtf. Arent you supposed to be sheltered at least then. Well, clearly not.

A day shy of 6 months

Ok, heres a bit of a rant but god dammit my back. This whole traveling and sleeping in shitty hotel rooms is not helping anything. Im in week 24 and ready to pop this lil one out. Lets just say i wont be one of those ladies loving to be preggers. I dont hate it but i dont particularly feel like some strong earth mother either.

Im in Paris at the moment and well, nothing more to say about that. Going home tonight and seeing Katta tomorrow. Caught another sale yesterday and now almost done with stuff for the baby except for the things im asking for xmas gifts (hey grandparents). The stuff i got now is the boring stuff i asked around and you need. Like changing mat (we dont have a table), sheets for the bed, footmuff for the cold weather etc. All the sexy stuff.

The almost 6 months belly. Tomorrow is the 6 months mark. This is first thing in the morning so belly is definitely there at all hours of the day now. No hiding that.

Ha, me and my sexy garter belt i use for the back. Feel like ive given in to the whole thing now.

And btw, second lil rant. I need to go to Paris end of November for a management meeting. 8 months at that time. And i told my manager i have a doctors appointment in the evening on the second night so need to leave a bit earlier and hes like ‘can you change it’?. Hell no. Thats so late i wouldnt be allowed to fly any longer. We are talking missing 1h of two long days.

Anyway, i need to remember to not hate too much on white men when my lil boy is here.

Prague days

Sorry for the radio silence. Prague all weekend and then off to Paris. The life of a jetsetter. Or a tired preggers lady with back problems.

Prague was awesome but, wouldnt necessary do another booze trip this far in. Trying to match peoples partying and hungovers is not easy and i ended up spending most of the time snoozing which i could have done at home.

Lovely time with the gang though and awesome seeing how happy Lucie was turning 30.

No one as happy as George when he finds a Burger King.

First night we just hung out at Lucies and Dans. They had a champagne tsunami and the boys got the whole bromancing out of the system.

People from London, Sweden and Barcelona. Sara has moved back to Stockholm with her english partner. Lot to talk about there.

Ha, super sexy photo of all of them.

After champagne and booze these 20 somethings crashed and the preggers lady was last man standing.

I mean, who doesnt need a snooze in a beautiful womans lap?

Despite the sleeping they all woke up when we got to the flat and ended up going out for another round so on Saturday morning it was a hungover crew doing the last touches on Lucies bday gift.

Then we headed downtown for food and general Prague touristing. Goulash all the way for me.

Liam and his tiny, tiny ice cream.

Baby mama startef feeling a bit tired after a couple of hours walking around but still going strong.

In the evening we got ready and headed out for drinks. This might look like a picture of two happy ladies but you dont see the panic behind those eyes. We had just reliased we locked the key into the flat and had no idea how to get back in.

Byt everything ended well and this is the Lucie looking through her gift of memories from all of us.

Even baby mama scrubbed up and stayed out until 3.

It was all night drinks at a lovely bar called Le Fleur and all of Lucies friends and family was there. Such a great evening.

Crew!!

I drank alcohol free cocktails and took care of the rest of the group. When i finally gave up at 2.30 the others still stayed out until 7. Strong work. Jealous of the fun but veeery smug the day after.

Sunday and boys being boys together ordering all the deep fried food.

Then movie night before we all crashed.

You cant leave Prague without one of their massive sausages.

Right Dan?

All in all a great trip but must admit im looking forward to no traveling for a while now. My back is not really dealing well with this whole preggers thing and ive started to wear one of those belts to help hold the belly up. Sexy!

Covered in overalls

We are off to Prague tomorrow. Belly is still manageable so shouldnt be a problem. Im assuming ill be the designated sober person for this team of miscreants. Im also by far the oldest, i mean, its for Lucies 30th…

But itll be fun. And ill eat goulash. All i need really. I can be out early checking out Prague while the others are sleeping. Last time i was there it was all about them drinks so didnt see much but bars. But this time see me being an cultural expert.

Btw, my colleague asked me if a wanted to join for the climate strike tomorrow. I was like ‘im flying…’. Fail!

On Tuesday met this babe. Havent seen her since Midsummer so definitely time for a catch up. We went for ramen and then to soho house for dessert. Because thats the kind of awesome people we are.

On the way home i popped by Next and found these cute preggers overalls. Cant get more american, cute girl next door, pregnant than this. Now i just need to paint the nursery with paint all over my face and i am living the dream.

And because my friends are awesome Lollo gave me not 1, not 2 but 6 nail polishes in dark colours. Winter sorted.

Yesterday i worked from home and decided it was autumn despite 19 degrees out. Still waiting for the cold guys.

Messy eyebrows and overalls. You might think ive given up but im actually giving in to the look.

Got to spend the day with my favourite. Love this little monster.

Week 22

Life. Highs and lows. My emotions are definitely a bit more volatile at the moment. Still mine but damn, it can change quickly. Generally happy but get very sad all of a sudden. Like oh my god i need to cry sad.

Im 22 weeks today and everything is bang on plan. Growing away like a champ and lil Loki in there is making all the mischief. I need to go to the bathroom even more often during the night. Maybe ill just install a bed in the bathroom.

George felt a proper kick yesterday and those lega are definitely getting stronger. Bodes well for the coming 4 months..

Hey there baby belly. Almost 6 months now. Ive always thought i would be huge but its not too bad.

Btw, i need to brag a bit. We have a constant issues in proving to our french HQ that what we do here in London is good enough and as a result of that our CMO got an external (french) firm to analyse our work and come up with a next step plan to improve.

However, their report was really positive and basically said we are best in class and there is nothing to improve on. They said they dont recommend we hire them since there is nothing for them to do.

Im so happy with this. One of my main issues and failures as a manager here is to get HQ to believe in my teams and to see how good they really are and now we have it on paper.  I can leave happily on my maernity leave now knowing that the team will be all good.

Now i just need to do the same for my other team. Because they are awesome too.

Lets just walk, its not too far

Walked for almost 4 hours yesterday. That was maybe a tad much almost in month 6. I could feel it in my hips and knees at the end of the day. Lovely walk though but i think i need to start listening to my body a bit. Im no spring chicken and 4h is pushing it even on the best of days.

Ha, and then i had a total break down during the, not particularly good, netflix movie called Tall girl. It just hit home in some weird way. So preggers hormones went rampant and i cried on the bathroom floor for like 30 min. I mean, im not particularly sensitive about my heigth these days but clearly there was some unresolved shit in there from my younger days. I guess being a freak growing up is never easy.

On Friday i was in my PJs but then decided that ‘seriously, im not dead yet’ and changed outfit and went into town to meet up with a crew at first Murder Inc and then Mimis. I need people. If i feel boring at home i need to change that. Easy.

We were W free all weekend so on Saturday we headed to the Modern Museum to see the Kubrick exhibition. It was sold out so we took funky pictures in mirrors instead.

Hey there favourite people.

Then Havelock for lunch. George is going 100% carbs now that he can eat it for 2 weeks for this tests.

Fun people to hang out with…

So i took colour pop selfies instead.

After lunch we went home and i had a snooze when Katta and George watched a movie. Im such a weakling these days but i get so damn tired.

Then dinner and another movie. Perfect Saturday times.

Sunday morning feeling lil Jellybean kick in the belly together. Hey there mini baby.

Then we met up with Jean, Natalia and baby Sophie for a walk from Kings cross to little Venice.

We found a mini disco on the way. Popped in because why not.

Amazing day.

Pit stop at Camden market for lunch and sunny pictures.

Then more walking.

Bringing music we had a little rave when walking. Sophie is the dancing queen.

Hey awesome people. Wish all days were like this.

There is some serious pattern clash going on here.

Ha, after a day together they are somewhat better friends but still a long way to go.

Sad girl at the end of the day. Sorry Sophie but we were all walked out at this point.

What a perfect weekend. More of these. Next one we are in Prague so im expecting a lot of drunken pics of everyone else and sober me. Winning!

Actually leaving the house

Friday. We are Woolly free this weekend so the world is our oyster. Tomorrow hopefully going to the Stanley Kubrick exhibition and on Sunday seeing Jean, Natalia and baby Sophie.

Im trying to be better at seeing people. Its my own problem that i feel lonely, there are people for me to hang out with, im just lazy and tired. And next week im seeing Lollo and then Prague for the weekend.

I dont know, its a combo of being very tired and not having that many people around to meet up with. So i feel lonely. But then i struggle with guilt for asking G to be home with me. I mean, everyone who knows him knows he is happiest with all his friends around.

Yesterday i felt like a snake that swallowed a piglet. Feeling very filled up with baby.

Belly still low down for W to chill on. He loves putting his head on there. Until he got a little kick in his head and then he moved. Sorry.

Me and my massive preggers pillow. Hard work that one but awesome for my back. Going to take a bit of time to get used to and George keeps saying he and W have been replaced. They havent, they just cant fix my back right now.

Thought i went for pretty sky blue, it turned out to be horrible hospital gown colour.

But, the boys seems to be enjoying the pillow after all.

Being that person

I feel like im snowballing into old age today. First i went to the dentist and he decided i needed a mouth guard when i sleep. Yes, im now one of those people that get ready for bed by putting in a very sexy mounth guard…

Then i got to work and couldnt find my cup. I mean, its a swedish, mega cup but i spent 30 minutes looking for it. Involving half the office.

I might need help. Or a walking cane.

Other sexy, young peoples things ive been up to is buying a massive preggers pillow, eyeing up another set of loooouuuuunge wear, deciding on a ergonomic backpack and hiding all my high heeled shoes.

Life is wild kids.

At least i had a pretty walk to the dentist this morning.

Scars

One of the things that are hard to talk about now that im pregnant and everything worked and we are so happy waiting for our little boy is the backlash of the two last years.

For a very long time i lived under constant stress and worry. Doctors appointments, disappointments, endless waiting, laughing, because what else to do, at how i walked, ass hanging out, through the hospital corridors doubled over in pain after being turned upside down in machine and filled up with blue liquid. Weeks of constant injection and not to mention the three months we were told we were unlikely to ever have children.

Laying awake late at night and asking George ‘what do we do if we cant? Do we adopt, sperm donor, give up on family’. Questions too big too handle.

And that constant, underlying fear and worry of an unknown future.

Everything culminating in 2 months of a crazy rollercoaster for my body. The injections filling me up with hormones and eggs. Pain so bad i had to go to the hospital, nightmares every night and then two weeks of reading every sign of my body without wanting to hope too much but googling everything late at night.

Then happiness. Pregnancy and hormones and tiredness and back to traveling every week and not recognising my body but dreaming of my little baby in there.

But im starting to feel it now. The tiredness, the loneliness, the anger at the world and at George when he is not around. I think its my mind finally catching up with everything that happened. It went too quick from despair to elation, its only catching up now and dont even know what to feel. Add to that your normal pregnancy hormones.

I think i have to accept the war ive been through. What it did to my mind. That its probably going to take a bit of time for me to fully come to terms with this. How happiness and sadness can coexist without taking from the other.

Or as Elsa Billgren describes it on her blog

‘So many things we do just because we have to and then just go on’. And thats how it is, you do it because there is no other way but it doesnt mean there is no scars.