week 31

75% done, im rolling into the final stretch now. I still fell pretty good. I have gained 10kg and luckily (touch wood) not retained water so no bloated ancles. Im sure that can still come but im counting my blessings. The main issue through all of this is still my back. Plus feeling very breathless at the moment with the baby pushing on the lungs. And, need to remember to slow down when i walk, otherwise my pelvic is killing me.

Its all manageable though and im getting very excited to meet the little man. Meeting the birth consultant on thursday to discuss the c-section. Still really hoping to have an elective c-section so thats what im hoping to get an ok for.

George is back from his party week in Dublin today. I normally miss him when he is away but i feel it even stronger now. I also need help in my every day plus feel safer when he is here. Its starting to feel real that something can happen.

Its really weird to feel that i need someone this much. Im so used to being able to do everything myself. And now im just big and tired πŸ™‚

Woolly always close to the belly and to mummy these days.

However, when i have less energy to play i get the ass. Sorry monster, your dad needs to come back so he can play with you.

Little guy had the hiccups last night. Too cute.

Hell yeah thats a belly. Hes about 40cm and 1.5kg now so its getting tight in there. Which is pretty annoying for both of us…especially when he does his special, a jerk like motion that kicks both arms and legs at the same time. Alien much.

Hes definitely Goerges son with all that energy…

Dressing up like a chalet girl today, its nice to wear some normal clothes.

Bought new boots from Other stories. Love them plus they are wide enough to just jump into for a pregnant woman.

Pink on white. Bring on the non existing snow.

Meeting an old colleague from Maria times for lunch here in London today. Havent seen her for like 11 years. Will be lovely.

Weekend with my Julia

Monday. Going into week 31 tomorrow. My little raver keeps me up for at least an hour every night but i guess thats good practice for when he comes. Generally life is pretty banging.

Julia was here over the weekend and it was absolutely lovely. She needed a break from kids and dogs and life so she spent a lot of it just hanging around by herself. Love those kind of friendships with no exptectations. We did have time for food and candy and musical and all the important updates though. Plus talking to little Agnes of course, important. She was very determined that she needed to talk to ‘Izzy’. Always little angel.

With George away i also took the opportunity to put his advent calendar together. Still working on my project to get him to love Christmas. Just shower him with love.

It was supposed to be 24 little bags but some it was too big. Good thing i had matching wrapping paper though… not exactly influencer worthy but very me.

The bags is not homemade by me (sorry) but the best thing is that they can be used again. I think this might be the last one for George but baby might have some calendars in his future.

Very cute little bags and cleverly done with hanging pins. im quite proud and mostly because i could sneak some Christmas in early. With my hyacinths and pine candle it smells of Christmas already and now it looks al pretty too.

My decorating table. And yes, the red L on the table is for Lukas. It lights up. It will see me through the last weeks of pregnancy before i get to meet the little monster.

Flowers a week in. Still looking strong.

In the evening Julia and me went for dinner in Notting Hill. I took zero photos because i suck. Or well, i took a pic of my belly cause i spilled all over it. Definitely becoming a middle aged man with a beer gut.

Saturday morning. Breakfast, candles and Christmas movie. My dream morning. Im all in on the romantic, sappy movies at the moment. Want my life cocooned in snow and romance and pretty colours.

Met with Julia in town and we had a very rushed, but delicious dinner, at Dishoom. She gave me and baby a gift. Nailed it! Super cute outfit from mini rodini for him, all the lollipops for me.

Since we had to rush from the dinner and had to wait for 1.5h before a table the restaurant felt very bad they gave us a treat to go. Ice cream :). I mean, what do you dream of when you have to run to a show in a pouring London. Ice cream….

I smuggled it into the theatre then threw it away. Criminal.

Two very happy girls about to see wicked. I do love that musical, has some pretty epic belters plus fantasy and amazing costumes.

On Sunday it was all sunny and lovely. I met with Moley, Tom and their two boys. We had cake in Ravenscourt and talked about Sweden. They are also getting tired of London and thinking about where to go. Even the londoners are fleeing the city. Such a shame.

London love

Julia is in town! We are eating pasta, going to a musical and eating all the candy. Living life the best way we know.

I went to the GP yesterday. All clear. I had some stomach virus and that would have affected my other results as well. But all looked good in the hood.

Its cold in London today. Cold and crisp. I realise im going to miss this town. Looking back on the decade i relive all the fun ive had, all the amazing people ive met and the great opportunities ive been given. I mean, i have a career… But, its time to leave now. Brexit, life changes, work. It all comes together telling me my time in London is over. For now.

Im going to miss the friendly people, the golden light from the pubs, the kindness of strangers, all the new people coming into your life, cherry blossoms and magnolia, the dogs running free in all the parks, big, ice cold pints of cider, the dry english humor, the first Mr Whippy of the season, Richmond and Petersham and of course all my friends. All my amazing, lovely, big hearted friends.

Im not going to miss what Brexit is doing to this city.

Im going to miss this little guy the most but we still cant think about that.

Its me and W for the weekend.

Katta left for Sweden yesterday. I dont know what to do without her here. Really. Im super happy for her, sad for me

She left a bag of things form her flat, one of them was my favourite voluspa candle. So i lit that yesterday and missed my friend. Good thing well all be in Stockholm soon.

Life is weird. It changes so quickly. But i think both George and me are ready to start this new chapter in our lives. Baby and Sweden. Back to where i started. Its not all uncomplicated but it will be good.

Preggers favourites

2.5 months to go and it feels like ive been pregnant forever. One thing that has become increasingly annoying is just the simple action of getting dressed. Tops dont cover the bump, jeans ride down, bras dont fint.

So, heres my life savers to keep me through the day and get me out of my sweatpants

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HM Mama straight ankle jeans. Comfy stomach band, not too tight and DO NOT ride down. Lifesavers.

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HM nursing tops. I have like 6 of these. They cover the bump and can be worn under anything. And will work through nursery. Love them.

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Seraphine faux leather panel leggings. I get so many compliments for these and feel like i actually look like a normal person. The only issue is the low bump cover so you need long tops for this one.

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Seraphine nursing sweater. I think i have worn this one at least 3 times a week since i got pregnant. It covers the bump and neon details make it look a bit more fun.

Other than that I love my massive preggers pillow. Its a lifesaver for me and my long back. Plus gingerbread dough. I love that too πŸ™‚

End of the decade – 2012

2012. Lots and lot of pictures (honestly, shit loads of pictures. Most likely only interesting to me, but hey, my blog). Oliver with his camera and me with my phone. Being all artistic.

I felt lonely this year. But looking at the photos i was surrounded by friends. In London and in Sweden. Filippa, Maggie, Bella, Sanna, Julia and my sister. All came to visit me that year. My friends are the best. Im just sad i couldnt see it clearly then. But i do now.

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The year started with New Years in Sweden. Fancy dinner with fancy people. Us and a whole lot of influencers πŸ™‚

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Oliver was in Stockholm with me and Elin and Tom were my wing men.

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All around party as always. We went to an after party after this until early morning. As you should when it NYE!

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Early february me, Kix and Laxen went to Paris for a rumspringa (when the amish have their one year of freedom). It was hedonistic and crazy and awesome.

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We met a plastic surgeon and partied in his house with russian models and middle aged men (classic). We crashed a wedding and almost got tricked into a swingers party.

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We hung around in the jacuzzi in his bedroom, of course with a mirror ceiling. However, decided to leave when they had an actual jacuzzi party in there. Or at least i did…

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I found a machete and we climbed the buddha statues in his garden. We politly declined his offer of botox at 5am in the morning.

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Looking at the day after picture maybe it was needed…

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Ben had a dress up part for his birthday in February.

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Sunny days with Kirsten, Dani and Elin in Notting Hill. Love the sun shining in the middle of the cold.

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We went to a wedding and i got told i looked like a princess. Like Kate Middleton. This is where the whole thing started. Me and my princess look.

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Then Zigster came into our lives!! Ziggy. Spreading so much joy.

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My birthday came around. I turned 30. Elin sent me the best balloons ever – Fuck Valentines, its Cissis birthday. Hell yeah!

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Bella was in town and her and Elin threw me a surprise birthday party. Everyone came around to this pub and it took me forever to realise it was for me and not just all my friends randomly being at the same place. Im very smart.

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What really got me then but even more now is that everyone put the issues we had as a group aside to come and celebrate me. Thats one of those things i will always remember.

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In march we went skiing with Dani and Eric. That was not a match made in heavenΒ  a week in a small cabin with Oliver and Eric πŸ™‚ Thank god for after ski…

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I hung out with Ziggy (and yes, Kix as well πŸ™‚ as much as i could because who doesnt love dogs?

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And in april me and Oliver moved in together with Ed as out third musketeer.

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We introduced Ben and Ed and they became the best of friends. I mean, they are basically the same guy.

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Spring came. The cherry blossoms where everywhere this year.

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Filippa came to visit and we dressed a tiny bit too lightly in the hope of summer.

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But the weather was lovely so we perservered.

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Thats some pro posing right there

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We had one last afterparty in our old flat before i moved in with Oliver and Ed.

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I really rocked the princess look that year.

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And my skinny frame modeled on Olivers mums website.

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Maggie came to visit

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And my sister and Micke. We took them to a greek restaurant with 7 courses for Β£20. Food coma.

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Damn i love this woman.

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Love all around.

Summer came around and it was all about the traveling.

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Sweden in early spring. Midsummer and long days in the sun.

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And babies. Chrisse and Alexandras little girl and Agnes.

Then we went to Ibiza for a crazy trip of all fun and dance

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Mixing my London and Sweden. The best thing about friends in new countries is when they love your old friends.

Then one last trip to Sweden before the summer was over.

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All about them crayfish parties. With the girls in Sthlm.

And bringing the work crew to Sweden to show them a real party. I had them all puking before midnight. Win!

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After all that fun autumn came.

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We went to Rye for Erics birthday.

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I modeled for more of Fionas jewellry.

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And i decided i was now a hat lady.

In October it was Maggies 30th and me and the girls went to New York to celebrate her.

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As you do.

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We played the dice game, sang karaoke in a hair saloon, flew helicopter over Manhattan, went to an all day boozy brunch and spent the best 30th of anyone anywhere.

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We also met up with Jonathan for the first time since they stayed with us. This is important since he is the one that finally convinced me i needed to go to Burning Man. Took a couple of years but i got there.

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Julia came for Halloween and we slayed the vampire game.

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The 70’s rocker vampire with her little baby vampire.

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It snowed (ish) in London

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And we went to the swedish Christmas market to fill up on the important things in life. Gingerbread dough and glogg.

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Christmas party with work and dressing up to the nines. It was all tight black dresses and high heels in 2012. Thank god sneakers would become fashion in a couple of years.

And year ended with baking at Kix and Robins.

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Kix and i are nothing if not baking pros. Look at this splendid gingerbread house.

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We modeled jewellry again and took selfies while doing it.

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She just really ace that baking.

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Me, my (up until Woolly) favourite doggo and a gorgeous necklace that was unfortunately way too expensive for me.

As i said, i felt lonely and depressed in 2012 but my year is one of friends, love and an amazing support network. Im so happy that im able to appreciate that now. I know its a crazy amount if pics in this post but i needed to remind myself of all the amazing times.

House of the sick

We are two broken beings at home today. Yesterday started with George texting me that his cyst had broken.

Basically he has a pillar cyst (not dangerous and forms in your hairline) and it gone totally bananas and he woke up to it oozing.

He headed to the ER to have it looked at.

Me, I felt a bit ropey in the morning but around lunch time it kicked off and I puked at work.

Headed home to a man with an infected cyst and me feeling very, very sick.

At least two were healthy in our house. It’s a very weird feeling having someone kick around when your stomach is upset.

And kick he did. It was probably like an amusement park in there.

We are better today but both still home. I just can’t be bothered to compromise on my health for work right now.

Autumn vibes

Monday. George is off to Dublin from thursday and on Friday Julia comes to London!! You lose one you win one… we are watching wicked and eating italian. Cant get better than that.

A little update from the midwife. I went to see her Friday and everything looks good with baby. I got to listen to the heartbeat and she measured him. He seems to be pretty bang on my curve. Since both George and me are tall it looks like hes on track to be a 4kg healthy boy.

However, i have high protein and low hemaglobin. The iron is very normal for preggers ladies but i need to check up the protein. Hopefully i can get a GP appointment this week. Feeling quite ratty today but thats most likely a normal cold.

Well, its 40 working days until maternity leave, 50 days until Christmas and 78 days until EDD for the baby. I can do this.

Its so much autumn out now. Im loving it. Cant walk as long any longer but i try for the 10k steps a day.

If you look at the right side at like 0:04 you can see a little kick. I mean, you have to look close but its there.

Its smells gorgeous in our flat from all the hyacinths. I sneak these small christmas signs in before the big shebang first of advent.

Happy Halloween

As you all know by now I love me a dress up party. And I love black. And vampires so Halloween is kind of my shit.

So despite belly and tiredness I decided to go all in this year for Bella’s bday party at found.

Katta came over and it was all about finding an outfit in my vast dress up box (es).

Belly was not cooperating and nothing really fit of my somewhat skimpy costumes.

But I’m not a quitter.

So eventually I became a disco ball. With insides made of glitter and sparkles. Fitting.

The face make up is actually very simple but got tons of compliments. Still got it!

George dressed up as Christmas because my dream but his nightmare.

And Bella a lovely black swan.

Ready to scare some people with our glitter and Christmas and black angels (Katta). My dream world in other words.

I say it again but couples who dress up together slay together.

Found Stu. He was a farmer and not sexy nurse as we hoped for.

George was somewhat nakey,

My bestest people. We found the booth because mama need to sit these days.

Posing.

And, of course an end of night toilet selfie. The zipper lost the glue so instead I turned into a disco Bowie.

Had an amazing night but my god I was tired by the end. Could barely speak. The parties have to wait a bit now.

End of the decade – 2011

I entered 2011 feeling at home in my new city, living with my girls, having a boyfriend i was really falling for and whole group of awesome friends. Top notch.

It was all about them parties. Dani and Eric was a solid couple at this time and one of many boozy nights at Santa Lucia before hitting the west London nightclub of coice.

Or house parties. Any night of the week is fine really if you get to dig into the dress up box.

Boys in dresses. Naturally.

Family!! Probably Raffles. Or Valmnont. The upside of your friends working as promoters is free flowing booze.

However, if there is one thing we know is that things change. 3 days before my birthday Walkey broke up with me. I was heartbroken. Not because he was the love of my life but because i had trusted someone for the first time after my time with Magnus and he kind of crushed that.

Elin, being a hero, took a couple of days off with me just after and we went to Bath to celebrate Valentines. Stupid choice if you are heartbroken…it was us and the happy couples.

However, no one cries for long in the mansions and we threw an epic birthday party 90’s style for my 29th.

We had a hotshot bathroom (of course)

And most of the night was spent in there.

Britney bitch of course when your heart is bruised.

More nightclubs

More epic after parties

Tom and Ben fell in love with the west london party scene (and Tom with Elin) and they came down pretty much every weekend for a good night out.

We went to a full moon party. Tompen worked as a model and got us in at all the crazy model parties. We were just about 10 years too old but who cares when you are mending a broken heart with booze and boys.

I was NOT happy. The break up had set something off in me and this is when i started developing my eating disorder. I got very skinny fast. Walked for at least 3h a day, barely ate and had started throwing up.

But you can hide most things behind make up and clothes.

The party continued and my family took care of me as best they could.

Spring came to London and it felt like it was never ending bank holidays that year

We hung out in East London with the boys

And in the park. All the time. Picnics and wine.

Sometimes even in the mornings crawling home from an after party.

Laxen threw a house party with Jersey Shore theme (yes, thats what you did in 2011) anf you can see how skinny i had got here.

I felt like i looked good but i wasnt happy. I just couldnt get on the right side of things and i was still hurting somewhere deep inside.

We took care of each other but there is only that much you can do when things are hurting.

I went to Sweden for the summer and saw my friends. I felt weirdly displaced being at home in both places and i couldnt really handle it. Felt like i was letting my friends back home down by not being as present.

I had met Oliver in June and over the summer we became serious. He was my lifeline and break from all of the madness my life had become. He caught me in solid arms and took care of me

I burnt my leg and i moved in with him for a couple of days. He cooked me food and made sure i was looked after. Different from the crazy life i had been living with the constant party.

My leg got better and we celebrated Toms birthday with a crayfish party.

Of course you get your own snaps songs when you its your birthday

And as always…more dress up! My work colleagues were the best. This is Disney, Im Bagheers. Duh.

Went to Sweden again. Partying with ma girls and Agnes got baptized. Love this picture of her and dad. Dancing with grandpa.

Oliver turned 26 (yes, im a cradle snatcher) and i spent a lot of time hiding away in his flat.

At our flat things had gone a bit messy and the group was breaking up. Misunderstandings and fighting.

Elin and i moved to a flat of our own and Kix and Robin moved in together. It was the end of an area and i was struggling with that on top of my general not so great wellbeing.

People came to visit. Tove, my mum, my sister. People filled with all the love i so badly needed.

At this point the bulimia had gotten bad and i was throwing up most days but hiding it very well from everyone. Fake it until you make it right.

For Christmas we built elaborate ginger bread houses and i hid everything in my love for Christmas.

However, i knew something was really wrong when i stood throwing up my dinner on Christmas eve crying in the bathroom at the country house. I knew something needed to change for 2012 and i remember being very happy to year was coming to an end.

Heres some bonus pictures just because. My blog after all.

The 2011 crew!

Me and Ben became bffs and party buddies when Tom and Elin fell in love and the west London crew broke around us. He helped me so much by just being there. Endless hugs and i could always sleep in his bed getting my spoon when i needed it. He single handedly kind of put my broken heart together, unfortunately my mind needed a lot more work.

Laxen was another one who was always there for me. He was my ‘lets watch silly rom coms whenever you need it’ buddy and carried me through so much.

And my london family of course. But when things breaks among the closest you sometimes need people one step away to have your back.

Just because awesome picture.

And ending with another dress up party because its the best thing ever.

That was 2011. A very sad year. Good in many ways and i made some life long friends but looking back i mostly remember the sadness. Even meeting Oliver didnt help that, i was so far in it by then. But he became the one to lift me and help me out of all of that.