Its spring in London. It smells like what i imagine laughter would smell like. Outside my living room window cotton candy cherry blossom paint the world white and I walk for hours every day because there is so much alive in me.
I struggle with me. That in me that wants to push you away. I hear myself not be very nice to you and my jokes are sometimes on the wrong side of mean. You ask me if I want to come with you to Berlin, I think you are about to break up with me. I flirt with your friend and I don’t even know why but when you are asleep I whisper in your ear that I only want to be with you. I find thousand reasons why I shouldn’t be with you but one keep me coming back. I really like you.
You are kind. More than anything else that is what I like in you. You are the kind of person that do anything for your friends. Travel half way around the world to hold someone when they cry – anything. I see it in your friend’s eyes, they trust you.
You are also funny and silly and smart and sometimes you make me roll my eyes (most of the time) and you’ve got the best hands and I really like your eyes and I know you’ll always have pickles at home for me.
I want to put your head in my lap and hold you because I see that with your kindness comes someone who takes care of others. Always. I little spoon you at night and it’s like you collapse into me. I don’t want to be mean, I want to be the one to take care of you. Because I know you would always do that for me.
I try to find the words to tell you how I feel but I’m so very bad at talking. So I try to show you in other ways. And when you sleep I stroke your brow with my finger and you smile. Every time.
I’m learning your quirks. I know you are grumpy in the mornings, you hate if I try and wake you if you sleep but always move to hug me. You love your breakfasts, always want to watch movies in bed, remembers quotes, tell stories, talk too much, love having people around you, burn in both ends until you crash. I know that you will take my hand and introduce me to your friends and they will already know about me. You call me your long legged swede and when we meet out you say hi to everyone and then you look at me, really look at me, say ‘hi you’ and kiss me.
You are who I’m supposed to be with. I knew it from the first time we kissed. Maybe even when I saw you for the first time at the star wars party smile from ear to ear.
You might be my perfect match.