I went back and even if I wanted to cry I smiled for the things that matter

Back from Sweden. Got home at 2 last night and fell asleep at 3. Tired today. Tired and emotional. It was lovely being home but also hard, it hit me when i was back – that im truly on my own now. I had to explain to everyone why and how and I felt old, lonely and like ive made the biggest mistake ever.

Im not sure why that was so much harder being home but its probably strongly connected to my sense of having failed, that thought ive always had of ending up alone and this feeling like a confirmation of that. Here in London ive rebuilt myself to not feel that as strongly and i see myself as less of a fail and more like someone who is doing something for myself but at home that doesn’t work. I spent most of the weekend wondering how i ended up here and wishing that this wasnt my life, that something would happen to set it all right.

I did have a good time though and had a lovely evening with mum and dads friends on Friday, went up to my awesome sister on Saturday and met Hanna and Jossan on Sunday. But you can do both, find it amazing seeing people you love and feeling lost and hollow at the same time.

 We went through old paintings and was pottering around the house on Friday. Mum and Dad were getting the house ready for their guests and I mostly read.

Dad was trying to convince me this painting was big art. ‘Accident on the E4’ he called it. Not so sure that is something I want staring at me from my walls every day.

 Dad spent hours setting the table. Its very important it looks right. I wont mention the time he was swearing over the napkins. It looked lovely though and Dad could be proud.

 It was grey outside so the day was nicely spent inside. I sat on the balcony under a blanket for some time and got some sun on my winter pale cheeks.

 My cooked an amazing dinner of beetroot mousse, salmon with safron sauce and rhubarb crumble.

 The guests loved it and everyone had a second helping. I felt like a kid again talking about my life in London. Do you ever grow up until you have a family of your own?

 Dad kept serving booze and the grown ups were up until 3. I gave up around 1. I know were my genes come from though.

After a day in Nykoping with me buying books and clothes (and maybe some candy) we went up to sister and had the perfect dinner of tacos and playing with the kids. Sister and me made plans and talked about our upcoming Prague trip. Yes people, in a couple of months time we will be sipping (cheap) cocktails and make plans that will change the world the way you do with your sisters.

 The kids are so grown up now and it was lovely to see them. Sometimes i feel like I miss it all from here.

 I love my sisters and Mickes house, it make me dream of something Im very far away from having, the family in the suburb with nature outside your door and the kids playing in the street in the evenings. Im sure that if i had it I would dream of late nights in London but at the moment it feels like somewhere you could rest your weary head.

 Love these people. No matter how much it messed with my mind being home they make it worth it, every time.

The kids playing with mum.

Even more snow

Just when you though ‘no more pictures of snow’ I give you more pictures of snow. (when you only get to see it once a year its a big deal ok)

Done! That was my Christmas. Now on to NYE. Tonight having a crab based dinner at home and then on to party. Cant wait for some sparkles and party.

SNOW!

Did you think that was all the pictures from Christmas. Think again. Ive got at least 2 more posts of snow and relatives. That is what Christmas at the country house is all about. Pretty snow and pretty relatives.

This one is all about the snow.

 Relatives sporting some awesome outfits.

 The 2 little trolls walking the forest.

Better stay inside when its very cold outside

More snow, more sun and it started to get really cold. The kind of cold that nips your cheeks and make you squint toward the sun. But its worth it since its pretty as a picture.

We went out for at least one walk every day.Otherwise you just sit inside and eat and turn into a couch potato. There is enough time for that even if you to an hour walk a day.

Brother and me dressed up in our warmest (and ugliest clothes) and braved the cold.

We traced mini steps from some animal

and i took photos with hands hurting from the cold. Everything for the art.

Sister and Micke game down with the kids and we had another Christmas with even more gifts.

Nisse got loads of things

and Agnes was so excited she wanted to help everyone open their gifts.

Love grandpa extra much when he comes bearing gifts.

I gave my little god daughter a Frozen dress. She loved it and ran around like a little princess all evening.

Nisse got the jersey from his favourite team. Sometimes its good having your aunt in London being able to buy you the cool stuff.

Playing with uncle.

Its better when you can go straight on the dessert. Even if you dont like salmon a plate full of chocolate and ice cream makes everyone happy.

Grandpa falling asleep, its hard going taking care of two energetic kids all day.

It was Christmas Evening

On Christmas morning we woke up to a light dusting of the ground. Almost snow, I thought to myself and did a little jig (yes, there was lot of dancing this Christmas) and happily opened my ‘strumpa’.

(For all of the marzipan pig fans out there, it was in there this year too but I managed to eat the whole pig so there wont be no carcass to micro wave/put down someones pants/leave in the fridge for a year.)

Pretty huh?!

The ground was covered in what looked like cookie frosting and I kind of wanted to lick the whole thing. (kind of, im no crazy person)

Moody and kind of ugly. Just like Oliver loves it. When seeing this picture he instantly went ‘amazing’. Surprising.

Took a long walk in the forest and let my poor fingers get cold to document all of the pretty for my boyfriend. Im on a campaign to get him to celebrate Christmas with me (aint working very well) and im hoping to convince him by showing him how pretty it is.

Look babe, this is really depressing if you want it to.

Since Anders girls were celebrating by themselves this year (traitors) me and Kattis dressed the tree. Harder than it looks when its a big ass tree.

Anna lighting the candles. Love being up here since it only really happens at Christmas. Instant joy.

Kattis might be coming to London in spring and she is doing 3 months in Chamonix. Jealous? Yes!

Not so many kids this year, that meant more beers drunk. Its time we reclaim Christmas.

In the wait for Santa. And yes, we are eating Paradis and not Aladdin. We are rebels like that.

Cant wait to get my little cousin to London. Remember being 22 and thinking ‘wish Kattis would be old enough to go out when im still young enough to do it but that will never happen. When she is 20 im 33’. Oh.

Santa came this year too. For a second there he was about to skip our house but we convinced him we had been good enough.

Even the grown ups get all excited. Look at Mac, he looks like a happy little school kid.

Anna wasnt too happy about being stuck at the country house. The trials and tribulations of being 15.

Mickan played beautifully and looked like a little Christmas angel.

This is love! Having this many relatives to care about and love. To get cheesy for a second – I am truly blessed.

And yes, Santa lifted his mask and took a drink. I can tell where my roots are, somethings in the blood man.

Gifting time. My Christmas book to Anders were highly appreciated and I got a standing ovation. Thats probably the only time on my life that will happen to me.

The man himself left when everyone had left. The man, the myth, the legend. Big A.

When we left the house it had started snowing and you could see happy eyes all over. I felt truly happy, you know when it feels like your heart will burst.

Thomas Stenström – Blixtar och dunder

Dancing with the people that matters

After that intense weekend in the big city it was pretty awesome to come down to the calm of the country house. If you can call Christmas at the country house calm…

Mum and Dad chillin. This is the standard sight in our house. The TV is always on. And the radio. And my mum tries to talk about some long dead writer at the same time. Thats my reason for outstanding multi tasking.

Made saffron buns. They were pretty damn yummy if I get to say it myself.

Mum cooking. That face and the knife in her hand isnt especially reassuring.

Baby bro helping out. Not so baby any longer, past 30 (no, dont make me think about what that makes me)

We dressed the tree and like always it looks like Rave Santa has puked all over it and created this monstrosity.

We were happy with our creation but dad thought we were crazy…

‘More stuff’ he said and kept going at the tree putting every little broken thing on there. He loves his kitsch my dad.

Im not sure other almost 70 year old men are that into glitter and glam but I love him for it. I know where I have my love for everything extravaganza from.

Getting the house ready for the yearly glogg. My dad spiking it with extra linie aquvavit as always. Traditions.

We had a bit of a dance-a-thon on the kitchen and kicked the ass out of all of those Christmas songs. I felt like a fairy dancing around.

Baby bro came in to join in for bits. Mum thought i was crazy. Standard.

Dad and me putting the final touched to the glogg. Ready for take off.

Jossan and baby Alma. Alma made a great first appearance at the glogg and looked hungrily at the spiced drink. A true Bredberg.

She needed a bit of reassurance from all of those crazy people around her.

Henke held a baby for ‘like the first time ever’. I remember holding him when he was a baby. (gaaaah)

Kite – Dance Again

Those lovely days in Sthlm

Telling the story of my Christmas there will be a lot of pictures, people, memories and laughs. Because that is how it is when you return home and meet everyone you love.

On Friday I landed and went straight to the AW that Maggan and Fredde had put together. Love it when other people do the job for you – everyone was there. We started at Diplomat, went on to Ciao Ciao for pizza dinner, then Hotellet, Fou, Rose and me ending at an after party with all of my old colleagues drinking champagne until 7 in the morning. That made sense at the moment. Or, maybe not. Magnus and me looked around and talked about how surreal it all felt, like no time had gone since I left Sthlm.

And my bag was with me the entire way, Im grown up like that making sure im not losing my bag.

Fredde and Karin at Fou.

Me and the girls. Sanna and me kept looking at each other saying ‘we have to maxa when Im only here for a weekend’. And we did. Maxade all the way through the roof.

Maggie looked too pretty in the previous picture (as she always do that Maggie) so we had to take another one.

Fredde, Peter and Karin looking serious. Its no game this whole drinking all the night thing.

Karin posing with the hog that just hangs out at the terrace at Fou.

On Saturday I met up with Jules and went with her to her boyfriend Masken for a drink with his friends before I went to meet the girls at Kommendoren.

Filippa had joined us from Canada and we went late again. After dinner and then drinks at Sturehof we ended up at East and then McDonalds.

Sanna made a new friend in the queue with what looked like wee stains on his trousers. He sat next to me at Donken. Being past 30 as well as tired I just couldnt bring myself to care for talking with this new friend and blanked him. He kept saying how he loved cynical, angry people cause he was one himself. He would have married me if he could. Love at McD at 4 in the morning. Win.

Sunday morning (?) and met the girls for a brunch at Sturehof before heading home to Jules for TV in the sofa with her and Masken. Booja for Sundays. I had meatballs, pretty good hang over food.

Jules showed everyone pictures of her new house. Yes, you heard me. House. That is what grown up people do, they buy houses. (sometimes I feel extra much like a kid). She promised me I would get to stay there when im in Sthlm this summer. Love it. It looked gorgeous
.

Monday and I went to see Indah and her lovely daughter Ida. So nice to see both of them and I was pretty fresh after all. Ida liked me, apparently I have a rubber face.

Then, straight down to the country house for CHRISTMAS!

The New Pornographers – Champions Of Red Wine

Birthday boy in Rye

We went to Rye over the weekend to celebrate Olivers bday. Best decision ever. The weather was lovely and we stuffed our faces with amazing food as well as walking our legs leaden. Here comes a sh*t load of pictures to give you a glimpse (or a pretty full on view given its about 40 pics) of what we were up to.

On the train. A not super happy Wool. Little did he know that he would be running around like a crazy for 3 days.

I had taken the day off on Friday so when we got there we picked up a little (well) doggie from the local rescue center to take with us for the walk. This i Daisy.

Straight down to the beach and hours of walking.

Ol, being the youngster, had to do all the run around. Me, I walked behind at a leisurely speed taking pictures and soaking up the salty beach air. Perfect for us 30+

The family. It was great weather as you can see and people and dogs alike were loving it. Especially me in my trendy London clothes. You can take the girl out of London but never London out of the girl.

The obligatory picture taking. Daisy bore it stoically (even if that might be a ‘help me’ plead in her eyes, we have all done it when Ol bring out the camera)

Look at this. How can this not be meditation? I walked around in my own little world just loving it.

After beach time for scones. Of course. I had my favourite cinnamon one with blueberry and apple jam. Yes, it was amazing, yes, I wish I could have this every day and it was about as healthy as carrots.

We were staying in the cottage at the new house that have now been renovated and moved in too. Its absolutely lovely and will be great when they start renting it out. Woolly, being a naughty trying to eat the cat had to stay on the lead. He was not happy.

Miranda and me made an apple and plum tarte. It was delicious and Miranda’s magic fingers made it happen. I just peeled apples and ate as much as my stomach could bear.

Saturday morning and Ol’s birthday. We started the day with going for a walk with Woolly.

He chased some squirrels, almost attacked some swans and got caught just in time to not chase some sheep. Amazing morning in other words.

We got back to the house. This is the main house being under construction/renovation. It will look absolutely gorgeous when done. Cant wait to spend more weekends here.

Gift time! Fancy Rye wrapping paper. He got a puffa jacket, new jam box, camera lense, books and more. Not too bad.

From me he got 2 comics and dinner at the Ledbury. We are going in November. He also got very fancily wrapped gifts as Ive shown you before.

Miranda’s birthday card for Ol. That little minchkin making it into art. She has also promised us a woolly print. Win.

‘Dont mind me, Im just CAT WATCHING…
‘

The cottage done up. The wood will go a silvery, grey colour. I can see myself in a summer dress keeping one eye on my book and the other on my dog making sure he doesnt eat the cat.

❤

Beach again walking day 2’s dog. Miranda has a thing for the rescues and we went to pick up a new every day. This is Nessa. She was adorable. I almost packed her into my bag and run. But, she got reserved on Sunday so she’ll go to a good home.

More beach, more sun, more walking, more crazy Woolly barking every time we cuddled the other dogs. Jealous much?

Since the weather was perfect there was windsurfers all over the beach. Oliver have now decided that is our next thing. Knowing that have to say to about 1 in every 10 I have decided that is the least bad so ill go with it. Windsurfing classes here we come.

A lonely kite on the beach (yes, im trying to be arty. How is it going?)

Once I can manage to get up on one this do look absolutely awesome and scary at the same time. The best kind.

Birthday kisses (this is completely not set up at all. We were just caught in this natural pose kissing. As you do)

‘Hey, hey, you. Pay attention to me. PAY ATTENTION. look at me running around. Im so awesomeballs.’ Im sure that is what his barking really said.

A birthday cupcake in the sand. I wish i was turning 29. Look how these youngsters can jump around.

We tried some jumping as well. This is supposed to be a high five over the cake jump. I might have to work a bit on my jumping style. It looks more like Oliver is beating me up. Oh well, you cant win them all.

Then we went to a cafe to what was to be the Best Meal Ever. Dressed crab straight from the sea with tartar sauce and home made bread. I mean really. Who needs fancy ever when you can have fresh crab. So good I wanted to weep a little bit into my food. I dont think i said a word for the 20 minutes it took me to nail this.

Coming home it was time for Olivers birthday cake. Chocolate heaven (yes, I was constantly full on this trip).

Then, dinner.I had monkfish and purple potatoes. Not too shabby that either. I love the country side.

Last day and another sunny one. Tis time we picked up George. I proper lad that was very strong and kept trying to run off the lead. He was a stray picked up from the streets in Ireland but a sweetheart.

The sea was like a mirror and there were some serious running aorund and photo taking happening. This is the classic ‘Oliver on the beach’ crouch. Woolly was not so impressed. @play with me’ he kept grumping away.

More artistic, fancy pictures. Hope you are duly impressed.

Mini squid running like a hell hound. Which he sometimes is.

After a great lunch we met a dog that could have been Woolly’s sister. She is clipped here but when she is shaggy she looks just like our Wool. Crazy shit like that happen in the country side folks.

And with that our weekend was over. We trained home and fell straight to sleep all 3 of us in a heap in the bed.

Vegas baby

Before Burning Man we decided to do Vegas. Glad that we did it before, not sure my heart could have handled Vegas over consumerism after the burn but as it was F and me were very excited when we landed and went straight to our hotel – Cosmopolitan.

As with everything Vegas it was BIG with 3 pools, numerous floors, restaurants and a big casino.

We started by the pool and took a pic for the girls back home to make them jealous 🙂

We stayed by the pool most of the day. Both were pretty tired and needed the pause.

We dressed up for the evening and went down to the casino. You have to when you are in Vegas. We ended up spending $20 on the 2 of us so not too bad. One waitress got so angry at us not tipping that she ‘dropped’ 2 drinks on us. Oh well, part of the Vegas experience i guess.

After that interesting experience we went for dinner

and then out on the Strip to get a feel for the Vegas night.

It was loads of people and after looking at the queue to one of the nightclubs we decided to go home. Good choice.

On the Sunday we popped by the pool party in out hotel. After about 100 drinks, loads of new friends and dancing in the pool for hours we found love for Vegas.

Every time the DJ dropped the beat everyone started smashing their hands in the water making it splash all around. I was happy like a kid by behaving like a kid. A killer combination.

The DJ was english. Had to pose with the english flag. I got mistaken for english by most people. Not sure how i feel about that.

After this full blown party the plan was to go out. We fell asleep instead. Here me and my beef jerky.

We decided to order room service and have a romantic moment instead

with beef sandwiches and chips. Pretty awesome.

On Monday night the girls were coming in so we hung at the pool all day and then dressed up to go to Hakkasan. They had a deal saying that if you bough  the menu for $50 you would get a voucher for $50. Said and done, we ate our dinner, paid, got our voucher, went to the bathroom, went to the bar and drank cocktails for our voucher. Tricked the system, hell yeah!

This is how happy you get when you get free drinks like that.

Pretty happy and drunk by now we went to XS at Encore where we were on the list and go more free drinks. The girls went home and we kept going. My night ended speeding down the strip in a convertible standing on my knees shouting ‘Vegas baby’ over and over again while listening to Tom Jones. Why not. 

Burning Man – never close your heart. The world is here to be seen and experienced and if you smile doing it, it will show you beauty

By now we were all caught up in this dream. We had found different way’s of doing it and seen things in our own private way. You dream might not be mine but here everyone can have theirs realised.That is the best about this place.

I found somewhere to own. For 4 hours I stood on top of the world and owned looking out over a sea of people. Without drinking. That was part of my dream.

We didn’t really make new friends this day because what we wanted was stand next to each other, in our own little worlds, and enjoy this last day in Wonderland.

With this view you do really feel like you are on top of everything.

Erik, with his playa name Lillorat, got his tiny little ear painted green and the rest of us drank bubbles.

The sun started setting and we knew we only had a couple of more hours before we had to leave. Sad feeling but still so much to see and do. Every second counts in this place.

Walking out toward the man to watch the burn. Bitter sweet. We knew we were leaving after this and just soaked in the feelings of everyone around us.

Around the man was art cars in a big circle with blazing lights and music and then people were all sitting around the man to watch it burn.

Even if some people had left it must have been at least 50 000 people here.

Beautiful fire art before it all started.

The man himself waiting for his big performance.

Started of with some gentle fireworks.

then the whole thing exploded.

It was so quiet around us, everyone had their own moment looking at this.

We left seeing the man slowly burn behind us. Back to reality and the real world away from all the dreams. I hope that I will be able to keep this feeling in my heart. The realisation that people are good and that if you love them and yourself the world is a beautiful place.