Beautiful sthlm night yesterday. Oliver and me took our bags and moved over to Lisa in söder.
Walking through the city we saw a magical sunset. And some swedish rappers. Had dinner at the new hor(n)huset, drank beers and saw a man get a fit in the bathroom.
Good night.
until i land in Sweden
(paus for Sweden song)
Bags are packed, song book printed, crayfishes ordered and a great team gathered. A bit like a Bellman story – a couple of swedes, a dane, a kiwi, a fin and 2 englishmen.
Best way of leaving a job is making memories with your colleagues that mean you never want to meet each others eyes again. Im planning on creating loads of them.
Also going to celebrate Tommy, meet Chrisse and Malte’s little orch, hang with my sister and the kids, go to a wedding, dance with my friends, eat ridiculous amounts of pick and mix, be drunk at Stureplan at late hours and update myself on everything since last time.
Mother f**ing Sweden!
Went to Ikea yesterday. Second time this month. Even I got my fill of Swedish named furniture… But never of swedish food. Bought chocolate balls and hard bread. And tonight Im eating in Sweden. Win.
We did pick up a couple of more things. No candles though. That is almost sacrilege.
Went to dinner with Kirsten last night. Met her by the new Granary Square at Kings Cross. Thhey are making it look nice now. We went to a great restaurant called Grain Store. Very organic, and very, very good. Well worth a visit. And the toilets were nice. Important that.
I think its time. Oliver keep saying he cant function when I’m away, that he sits at home without eating or seeing anyone, just working.
I wouldn’t say that’s the case with me when he is gone. Always remember to eat. Socialized most of the days. Not that much working (if any).
Somehow I cant really function either though. I sleep bad (lonely in bed) and I feel restless. I also eat weird food (peas with lemon pepper for dinner anyone?) and walk like a mental person. I must have walked over 20 hours in the 9 days he’s been gone. No joke.
So, about time he comes home now.
Kix and me talked about our first boyfriends the other day. The very first ones. Not the first love but those boys who got the first kiss and were our first experience of being together with someone.
Kix was together with the towns bad boy. He lived in a home for problem juveniles. Everyone knew who he was. As she said:
– He wanted me. HE wanted ME. I was no one. Who was I to say no. So we dated. I hated kissing him and I thought ‘if this is it whats all the fuss about’. Finally I called him and broke up with him. He cried all day.
Me, I met Johan at confirmation camp. He was a sweet boy with a rubber tube in his neck. He serenaded me below my bedroom window and kissed like a washing machine. He also told me he would die if we ever broke up.
He would look at me with sad eyes when I walked off to call my parents.
– Don’t leave me, he would say. Don’t leave me here alone.
He was so angry at me every time he felt I didn’t care enough.
I didn’t understand more than that we definitely didn’t feel this the same way. He was sweet but I wouldn’t die if we broke up. I probably wouldn’t even care that much. I was 15 and we’d been together for 10 days.
Interesting is that today, 16 years later, I can see how those first relationships formed both Kix and me and how we see guys and our role toward them. Kix wants to save the lost ones. Until she met Robin she thought that was her role (and still does toward a lot of people in her life).
Me, I thought I could never feel as much as the other person. I never thought I would die if anyone broke up with me. I always knew my independence (yes, I want to call my parents alone) would disappoint the other. It haunted me and made me unable to see the truth. That I probably felt as much if not more than Johan, I just showed it differently.
Oh sweet world! Back online with a working phone. No more sad sweating on the sofa and endless walks around London not knowing what do with myself cut off from the world.
How did we do it before the phones? Addicted to social media.
Planning for my mini crayfish party next week. Made a song book. Starting to look forward, just need to clean my liver a bit.
Last years crayfish fiesta.
Friday at Raffles were crazy. As always. We got out 3 bottles of booze, danced on the pole, met loads of new people (that was probably just me), hugged a lot (people hadnt understood that im actually working for another month) and had a really good time.
I got Tom to dance on the pole. Mission accomplished.
By 2.30 I was so tired Kix put me on the bus (fancy) and we went home. I think that might have saved me.
Me on the pole. Thinking Im owning again. I so was.
The monster and the Trollstedts. Winning!
My phone have finally died. I have been unreachable since Friday. Almost nice since Ive been laying on the sofa nursing my hung over from Raffles.
It was a major one.
Took a walk this morning. A bit grey but nice to get out of the house after a weekend on the sofa
Missing Ol so Im taking Oliver photos. Grey and depressing.
Letters to my family 
