The tiredness

Sorry but there wont be a throwback this week. Im too lazy. I have energy for 1-2 things a day these days and today is getting the last couple of things for the baby on Black Friday as well as bookclub tonight. And thats me done.

Im always a pretty chill person who loves the sofa but this is ridicilous. I have zero energy. Yesterday it took all i had to walk W and organise the last couple of Christmas gifts and my weekend is booked out. Lunch tomorrow and packing hospital bag and Sunday its all about the christmas decorations.

I think its the combo of lack of sleep, extra weight and general pains and aches that just makes everything so much harder. It doesnt help that George’s job (and social life) means his out of the house a lot in the evenings and im so dead by then. Poor W hates me because there is just no more playing.

I remember thinking that the people that go on mat leave a month in advance is crazy but the be honest, i kind of see why. I would be bored to death but probably get everything that needs doing perfectly in time with 1 thing a day.

Anyways, tonight its all about snazzing up and going out. I need that.

W and the massive belly. He just doesnt get why i dont want to run after him all the time. Sorry lil buddy.

Au revoir Paris

My last trip to Paris is done and dusted. It was a struggle at the end, didnt realise just how tiring it would be with two back to back trips like that. Lesson learned.

But, now im home on the sofa with my hound and everything feels fine. We ended yesterday with rushing to our first antenatal class with NTC. It was very interesting. They are very focused on the holistic, the less medicine the better, approach but it was a lot of cool things i hadnt heard before. Plus, the main thing is to meet people in your area having kids around the same time.

We were 8 couples at one time playing with dolls. A bit surreal but overall good. We have another 5 sessions until we are ready to do this shit. Must admit im dreading the pretending to give birth and pushing part…

What im definitely NOT dreading is buying our christmas tree sunday.

Me, Ingrid and my little god daughter Vilma in the back. Cant wait for them to meet Lukas.

Yeah, im a pro painter at 8 in the morning!

Last Paris trip ever (or at least for now)

Last trip to Paris. I’m almost loving the city when it’s the last time. Feeling a bit nostalgic for my 3 years here. Plus it’s pretty and all christmassy.

Bringing the whole family on this trip. George is meeting friends and Lukas is hanging out in the belly causing mayhem.

We also found an amazing pho place so nice, non French food. Feel like I’m aceing this trip.

Today it’s all conference and I’m going to sneak home early. Someone (George…) snored all night so I slept like 5h. Good thing that you can always catch up on sleep. He’s out tonight so my plan is to get a solid 2h in before he comes back.

When we kidnapped Sanna

Back from my trip to Sweden and getting ready for my trip to Paris. Yes, im feeling it being 8 months pregnant so no more travel after this. Im done being super woman.

Sweden was lovely though. We surprised Sanna with a very belated wedding gift taking her for a spa weekend us girls. She started crying when she saw me. So happy we could do this for her, Its not easy getting peoples schedules together these days.

Was dead coming home yesterday and had a very unstrong independent woman moment hoping George was coming to meet me at the airport or at least hammersmith to help with the bag. But no, he was playing video games at home so i was quite unimpressed and headed straight for bed. Being tired does not help with the general mood…

But, in the beginning i was all excited when belly and me boarded the plane ready for some food.

After the worlds best saffron bun at Filippas and sneaking around so Sanna wouldnt spot me i headed to baby bros and Sandras new place. Mum and dad came up as well and they got to pet the belly and experess the happiness about us moving back.

Ordering pizzas because fancy family.

Dad and his disgusting curry banana one. Really, i come from that??

Family!! Cant wait to see them more.

On saturday morning we had a painting sess with Ingrid and Vilma. The kids were ace

Me and F has some work to do. We painted the weekend. Pretty accurate.

And then it was finally time. Picked Sanna up and kidnapped her

Into a muddy forest. We had booked spa and walking and we didnt realise just how muddy and tricky the walk would be.

But, we never give up so started a 3h hike that ended with us giving up half way (and that was after 3h) and almost dying in the mud.

I mean, we were pretty happy.

And thank god for head torches.

After that drama we got treated with a 3 course dinner. Lovely food and even lovelier company.

Lukas had a grand old time in my belly.

The day after was all spa, spa, spa. Much needed for tired November.

Such quality to go away for a weekend with your favourite girls. Despite tired today im so happy we did this. I can sleep in an another lifetime.

Growing away

Its funny doing these end of decade wrap ups and remember all the crazy times that has been had, especially looking at life right now. Nightclubs and Burning Man feels like the furthest thing on my mind right now.

I know im going a bit moany here at the end of the pregnancy but it is absolutely lovely sitting together on the sofa feeling baby kick. Even the 4 am raves makes me smile because they are so George and me. Yesterday W was laying on my stomach and got a kick to the head, he was not happy but to me it was just too cute. And plenty more where that came from.

We went to the midwife yesterday and all is good in the hood. Baby is growing away and im all healthy. Fundal height is 31cm, pretty much bang on, and all my test results are ace. With my 10kg up im pretty bang on that curve too. Almost too normal.

He is a little bit above the absolute average but still very much within the normal range.

And, happily enough my back is a lot better now. My hips dont lie and have widened to accomodate for mini man. Cheers. Loving that right now.

End of decade – 2014

We’ve made it all the way 2014. Ive been in London for 4 years, live with Oliver in the first flat of my own, own a sofa and a full set of wine glasses plus manage a team of 5 people in my new position. The growing up is catching up with me…

2014 is when we get Woolly. We are not alone, Lola, Roxy and Teddy the Chunk is added to the dog pack this year. Its all about the dogs and the babies start sneaking in when Kix and Robin get pregnant. Less nightclubs, more dinners at home. I guess thats 32 for you.

Im not 100% there yet and go to Burning Man for the first time. Dance in the desert like there is no tomorrow. Things between Oliver and me are starting to fall apart toward the end of the year and i dream of security and moving back to Sweden.

The year started with New Years in a pub in west. Swede crew on form. The dinner was awful and hilarious. The staff was high and the food horrible. But who  cares when you are surrounded by the best people?

At the end of January we picked this little monster up. I was not so sure to start with, wanted a small puppy, not a teenage rescue with a thieving problem but quickly fell in love with this cuddly , weird and absolutely lovely little doggo.

How not to fall in love with him?

We quickly became the best of friends and he loved the nook. And thats where he stayed since. Rescued from the pond he adored his new life.

And thrived. Gained weight, lost the rash on his ears and became the happiest doggo ever.

With puppy Lola and Ziggy the same age he had his own little family.

We started FICCO. Dinner parties hosted by one couple, food brough by another and secret guest by a third. How to make your life less about them couples.

All about the dogs though

And the booze. Classic.

And half of the nights ended in the dog beds. As i said, less night clubs, more dogs.

Went to Sweden for my birthday and the girls came down to join me. All cold and wintery in the swedish forest.

Best birthday ever after years of crazy parties (dont worry, that would come back….)

My sister came to visit andto meet the newest member of the family.

We wore matching furs

And drank cocktails in various bars (god, i miss cocktails… and my sister)

Lots of fashion parties. Me, i was not very fashion so hid outside smoking. Best deal.

For Easter we went to visit Filippa in Toronto.

We took some truly remarkable tourist photos. Dont really care for Sannas face anyway.

Saw the attractions

And dressed up to wow all those canadians. Aced it of course.

Elin and Tom hosted Eurovision

And i was the polish entry. Yes, that just a shit loads of fabric wrapped around a skirt.

I gave Oliver a walking holiday in Wales for Christmas

It was breathtaking and we hiked the mountains for 3 days. Almost lost Woolly when he got running after all the sheeps but lucky for us (and the sheep) he eventually got tired.

But man, all about them dogs. Keep telling you, nothing else matter than furry angels.

Come summer. Lots of traveling as always. Sweden, NYC, Sweden again, Vegas and Burning Man.

Midsummer at Eriks like every year (until we were banned)

Julia and me went to NYC. Me for work, she becasue she could.

We did all the New York things including eating massive amounts of food.

Sister brought the family for Agnes birthday.

Bonding with the best kids in the world. Cant wait to see them for Christmas.

I hosted another crayfish party at the country house.

Klamydia was there of course. No party without her.

Kix was starting to show and it was all about the baby belly.

You can trust this crew to make sure it becomes the best of parties.

And then finally time for Burning Man. Filippa and me went to Vegas first because…why not.

3 days of free booze, pool parties, glam and people claiming to be semi famous and we were ready to head into the desert.

It was the best experience ever and most of you have heard me go on at length on how much i loved it there.

The dream for a dress up junkie like me.

Its one of the experiences that has shaped me as a human and im so happy i ended up going.

After that summer of fun we calmed down a bit and went to Rye with Woolly. He loved it there.

We celebrated Olivers 29th and mostly run around on the beach and ate scones. Life.

Mum and dad came to visist again and to meet their hairy grandson. Not 100% love at first sight but we eventually got there.

We threw an epic Halloween  party and i finally got to be a dark elf. Life goal!

Kix baby belly made for a great pumpkin and Ben and Candice rocked as Addams family.

We went ice skating

Drinking mulled wine at Winter Wonderland

Lucia in the swede church

With one happy girl on the way back filled with saffron buns and gingerbread.

Chrisrmas baking at Troxes, somewhat better than last years glitter catastrophy.

Then Sweden seeing my girls and ending with Christmas at the country house because best place in the world.

And that was 2014.  A good year and a year that would bring on a lot of change. I was not the same at the beginning as in the end and this would lead to alot of change in 2015. But for now, a year of dogs, travel and growing up.

Heres some bonus pics for whoever can be bothered (as in me and dad)

Week 31

Im coming up to the last two months now. I can feel it. Everywhere. Im still manageable and can reach my toes (barely but still) but everything feels so heavy. And im so, so tired all the time. Maybe partly because of the low iron but also because carrying around that 40cm, 1.5kg parasite in my body.

I have bad days now. When the heartburn sets in or im so full i feel ill or i cant sleep despite being exhausted or when i just miss my old body and enjoying a walk outside. Im mostly fine but my god those days make me into a moany goat. Like for real. I sit there, belly out, rocking back and forth and moan.

Have i told you im all kinds of awesome at the moment 🙂

But, as George and me say when im extra bad ‘remember, pregnancy is magical’. Ha, the other day i saw the dreaded cankles. Sock marks for the win.

Extra happy preggers face.

hehe, this is the true face of an almost 8 months preggers woman.

But all is not bad of course. Hes a cute little hiccupper and i cant wait to meet him. He has his personality already. Full speed mornings, evenings and 4am. Kicking with all his body in every direction at the same time. Passed out as soon as i eat and gently rolling around in his sleep.

I hope he gets George curly hair and skin colour and my light eyes. And both of our hands. But mostly i just hope he comes out happy and healthy.

Woolly has started the full around the belly snooze. Protecting from all angles. One more boy in my family soon.

In the park

I have struggled with feeling big and uncomfortable all weekend. Ill write more about it tomorrow when i hit 31 weeks but its all one big belly now.

We did have an awesome weekend though. George was out Friday (i just have to control my jealousy of his still fun life) and i was home with the dog. Thank god for Woolly keeping me company.

On Saturday we were invited to Alex and Lucy. Alex is Jeans friend and dad to Aaron, one of the boys in JW Paris. Ive known him for like 5 years now, hes the craziest, funniest, best guys ever. Lucy is his gf and the manager of West Ham park. Plus like the sweetest hostess with the mostest ever.  Which is awesome because she lives in one of those cottages in the park so i got treated like a princess in a dream cottage all weekend. Dream life. Plus they rock together.

On Saturday morning we took a walk in the park with Woolly. One of the things that are lovely with London is that autumn last for quite a while. Less lovely is the mud but hey, look on the bright side.

Ma boys playing. When mama cant run any longer you convince whoever you can to play with you.

And then we went to Alex and Lucys. JW Paris was played on the radio and we just had to take a shot to celebrate.

Lucy made an amazing dinner with tapas, duck in plum sauce and turkish mocha pots. Plus look at that room. Such a great place to live.

Then crazy started. Whiskey sours, the dress up box and a wine tsunami.

Plus George spilling cat food all over the kitchen and then taking advantage of Alex when he was cleaning it up. As you do.

Best evening in a long time. I had the energy to stay up to 2 when i was not in a busy bar and you know how i feel about a dress up box…

Butterfly princess pictures.

In the morning i got a friend when the others was sleeping. Could live like this.

Jean, Natalia and Sophie came by since it was leaf piling day in the park. The local community collect all the leaves and then the kids jump in the piles. Too cute.

6 grown ups and one kid. Poor Sophie had to do all the jumping.

Then we headed home to sofa and our hound. I felt a bit so so and headed to bed around 9. Im struggling with feeling so utterly exhausted all the time.

Birth options

I had a very interesting meeting yesterday. I met with a birth consultant after expressing worry about a vaginal birth. That worry has been building since the ivf.

Its a mix betwen not trusting my own body and general fear. I think all the negative results leading up to the ivf made me feel that my body cant be trusted to do whats ‘natural’. The second thing is this fear since my childhood that has resurfaced. My little brother was born with the umbilical cord around his neck. It wasnt really dangerous but somehow almost 3 year old me have taken with me this fear that he and mum would die.

I know both of these fears are irrational. But thats the problem with fear, it doesnt make sense.

So, i had decided to do an elective caesarian. It made me feel safe and that fear that something would go horribly wrong felt manageable. So yesterday i met the birth consultant to discuss this and basically talk about my options. She works at the birth centre at Queen Charlotte Hospital.

However, talking to her im now more confused than ever. She said that since there is no medical reason or any issues with my health there is no reasons to think that i wont be able to do it. She offered me to move over to their midwife team which means i would have the same midwife at the actual birth. She will also give me a therapist to work on the fear and classes to understand what happens during birth.

She made me feel very safe. And the rooms at the birth centre were lovely. So now ive gone from the most medical of procedures – caesarian, to contemplate a birth centre that is all about as natural a birth as possible. However, if anything goes wrong the labour ward is in the same building.

I dont know what to believe. My fear is still there but there is another part of me that imagines the birth in one of those rooms with George and midwife close and some musicals playing in the background.

Luckily i have some time to think about it and im happy to be with this new midwife team since with my current one i have seen different ones every time which doesnt help when you feel unsafe. But, my dreams was a jumble of fears last night. I had decided on a caesarian almost before i got pregnant so i havent thought much about a natural birth and now its all crashing down.

This is the room at St Marys. The ones at Queen Charlottes were even nicer. A big bathtub, candles, pilates balls and a big extra bed for George plus crib and changing table for lil baby. You stay over night and then go home if all is good.

Me and my little man fighting over the gingerbread dough last night. He is his mums son.

Standard view every night. Ever growing belly and W watching over it.

End of the decade – 2013

And we’ve arrived at 2013. London was dipped in colours, both the people and the city and everything felt possible. A warm spring followed by a warm summer and we lived it to the fullest.

This is the year when things started to turn for me. Kix took my hand and made me go to the doctor to get help with my depression and i started the long journey of getting better. Oliver and i moved to a flat of our own and i changed job. Everyone was in a good place and it felt like London was exploding with possibilities.

Went to Sweden in the beginning of the year. Jonas had a Mad Men themed party. Julia and i was Betty and Don Draper. Nailed it.

I checkedout the boobs out of course.

And was a generally undecent man of the 50’s.

Plus posed as the iconic Helmut Newton photo.

Who need the original when you have me?

Lollo moved to London and Sanna came to visit. Double win.

We went up East for Bens bday party.

Elin and me reunited after not seeing each other from moving out of the flat pretty much. Matchy in black (look Katta, im getting more of my normal style here…)

Oliver and Kix threw me a unicorn suprise birthday party.

I had my one chance of being a unicorn and i ended up looking like the love child and David Bowie and Elton John. Total fail on that one.

But awesome party all around.

Have you ever seen a sexier unicorn huddle? I dont think so!

I mean, come on…

Robin turned 30. I did what i normally do. Being awesome!

And Malin had her birthday as well. It was all a party as you can see. What we did best in London 2013.

In spring Oliver and me went to Sri Lanka. It was a lovely two week trip traveling around the country.

We walked holy mountains

Huddled up in the cold

And met elephants.

This is probably when the two of us where at our best. I was getting better with more energy and we felt that we had everything great ahead of us.

Came back to London and went for dinners up East.

Good thing about dating a photographer are all the awesome photos from your every day life.

Summer came and with that lots of travels and in the middle of July Oliver and me moved into our new flat. How i loved that place, my first own place ever.

Office party with a pirate theme. On a boat. Fitting.

Kix birthday party. We looked smart.

Sunny boys.

And then of course ending the night in Raffles. That was life in 2013, late night at Raffles every weekend.

I went to the Canary Islands with work hosting a trip called Tjejplanet

Met some awesome people including Mans Zelmerlov (makes sense to the swedes). His guitarist was flirting with me but no can do, i had a boyfriend (even if he was very cute). Thats like my one claim to almost fame.

Midsummer in Gothenburg with my girls. Before babies and pregnancies when we ruled the party. But dont worry, we’ll be back.

My cousin got married at the county house and i took the photos.

Beauty.

We went to Somerset to hang out with Toms family in Maidenhead. True english countryside. Here we are smoking up the chimey with his mum singing Queen.

And to Sannas house in Spain

Yes, i was all in on the black and white photos this year.

We got the flat ready, it was all colours and light.

Maggie and Fredrik came to visit and they were the first guests in the new place. Feeling the love.

House parties are the best parties.

And of course, Sweden for some muhsroom picking.

Autumn came and we loved life in our new flat, i was getting used to my new job and we started thinking about getting a dog. But, it had to wait. We werent ready for Woolly yet.

Many dinners in our flat.

We went to Rye and Oliver painted my picture in the sand.

Took artsy pictures in the flat

And Sanna came to visit again.

Mum and dad came just before Christmas and i had my very own Cristmas tree for the first time.

It was all about bows, flared dresses and looking cute in 2013. I nailed that look.

Hello dad!

Went home to Sweden for Christmas of course.

2012 was all about the snow, this year was all grey. But who cares when you have family all around.

I handed out Christmas gifts.

And these two were bffs.

Paola turned 30 and had a birthday party. I got very hungover and had to catch a ride with my pregnant cousin Jossan to the airport. I threw up in their new car. Not my finest moment…

Came back to london and we went for an epic New Years party. Kix and me were 19th century prostitutes.

I mean, nailed it again!!

Then things went downhill… i kind of remember most of the night, including hugging the bouncer before Oliver at midnight. I mean, he was my new bff.

And that was 2013. The party continued but things had started to calm down and i was feeling better. It was all about life with Oliver, the swede crew in London and we really had all the fun.

Here are some bonus pictures for whoever hasnt had enough…

Drinks with the Tomlins. Because always up to no good.

Beautiful shot of my hand for Damson.

Another great house party. Rakfrossa at Malin and Hjalles.

Beautiful shot of Malin the bday girl and her pet fox.

Posing with Tumpen. Mad dogs.

Early morning waiting for the sun to go up in Sri Lanka.

Happily enjoying spring coming to London.

I think i suit the gender neutral look.

Ha, unicorns are a lot more refined these days…

And of course you end up taped to a chair on your birthday. Standard.