Must admit I’m struggling with coming up with things to write about. I mean, I do nothing at the moment. Nothing! Today I polished my shoes…that’s desperation.

At least we found people to celebrate NYE with! Another couple from our NCT course in the same situation as us. Bring on board games and alcohol free booze.

I am working as well. Minimum but still. And maybe time for a nap now. #preggerslife

Death stare. The evenings are the worst. I’m so tired and full by then. Just want to go to bed but can’t sleep

Started my baby book Katta gave me. I remember reading the one mum made for me when I was little and loved it so the promise is to fill this in.

Happy end of the decade everyone. It’s had it’s up and downs for me but overall pretty fucking spectacular. I mean, 10 years in London, the love of my life, my little hound and soon our very own baby.

Bye bye Christmas

23 days to go. Like an advent calendar that gives you shitty sleep and achy joints. It’s a surprise every day.

I’m so ready to become a mum. To hold my little baby. To get to know him and see him grow. Life is just waiting at the moment, not my best quality.

We threw out Christmas yesterday. I was done. Yep, early for me but I feel so ready to for next steps right now.

Made a fairy light fire place instead. Very cute and perfect for the dark days we still have. Especially my early mornings by myself.

I mean, look at this belly. It’s ready. Or at least I am. Maybe not for what I means to actually have one but to start that part of my life.

Done with pregnancy 🙂

Today’s goal is Westfields and some more clearing. Have to do it all in small steps. Bored and tired at the same time is an interesting combo.

But having to walk W every day takes a lot of my energy. G is a trooper helping out of course but my body is definitely reaching the end for those long walks.

Couch potato

Slow days. I have a cold, I’m very pregnant and the sofa is my best friend #life.

Went to the midwife yesterday. Baby is 4/5 palpated (that means his engaged with head down my pelvis but still has a bit to go before ready). Everything else is looking good. Heartbeat strong, growing on the curve, my blood and urine looks great and no worries whatsoever.

So we wait. Im still hoping for him to be a week early but hey, he comes when he’s ready. It’s only 24 days to go now so I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

This is my life. Belly out, new PJs from the parents and a little shadow that follows me everywhere.

W feels strongly about protecting me and follows me absolutely everywhere. Poor guy since I go to the bathroom pretty much every other hour at the moment.

But hey, there are perks. Perfect ice cream stand.

Still hard to eat a lot and get a killer heartburn if I eat too much at night so my breakfasts are lush.

13.5kg and counting. But sis told me she gained 30 with eacb kid so hey, this is barely anything. Not sure my back agrees.

Working on it though. Whatevs to staying away from sugar, I’m sure both he and me will survive but I won’t survive without the sweet, sweet sugar.

Happy holidays from us. You’ll find us on the sofa.

Merry Christmas

Sitting awake again. This time with heart burn. The only thing that helps is sitting up in bed rocking from side to side. Fun times.

It was amazing having the family here over Christmas but I think my body is shutting down a bit after all the excitement. All of a sudden all the preggers symptoms have gone like a 100% times worse. Hip ache, heart burn, back ache plus a sore throat. Good thing it’s all sofa time at the moment.

Here is some gift opening Christmas morning. Idyllic.

I wore my prettiest dress for the day 🙂

Park walkies

Belly, always there

Family selfies

Agnes and me made gingerbreads when we got home.

And then Kalle time. Even in London.

Jean, Natalia and baby Sophie came over and we dug in on the food

Got some seriously epic gifts. This set by sis, a kindle, party lights, robe and echo from George, a photo book from Maggie and a PJ from mum and dad. Spoilt.

These two are simply amazing. So happy they are the ones to be Lukas cousins.

Sophie was a little terror. Perfect for Christmas.

After the gift we had a disco with my new lights.

Teaching the little ones all I know.

What a happy, lovely and amazing Christmas. Very different from my normal swede one but every bit as magical.

From all of my family to yours. Merry Christmas

Stepping into Hogwarts

One more day to go. The house is filled to the brim of family, it smells of (a very dry) Christmas tree and there are candles everywhere.

Yes, it is starting to look a lot like Christmas.

The family came on Saturday and as we say in Sweden ‘finns det hjärterum så finns det stjärterum’. Loving me a full house.

Breakfast is a messy, happy, lovely affair.

I gave the kids their Christmas gift – a day at the Harry Potter studios.

And off we go. We had booked it via a tour so the bus left at 11 and for an hour we tried to both contain excitement and not get too bored. I mean, who wants to be on a bus when you have Harry Potter ahead.

But we made it! All things Harry Potter!

It was amazing sets. This is where they filmed the actual movie so lots of sets still up from filming. And because it’s Christmas it was all decked out in snow.

This crew ❤

We met spiders

And Hagrid

Made sure we caught the Hogwarts express

And drank butter beer of course.

The sets were amazing

And the kids super happy running around in their favourite world.

I mean look at this!

Selfie time with Nisse. They are so big now and I’m happy to be making memories with them when I see them so rarely.

Cakes. Of course.

And after a loooong day it was time to take the bus home where George and Micke met us with bolognese and hugs.

But happiest of us all is W. All the cuddles!!

Christmas partay!

We had our Christmas party last night. I’m glad to say my team represented and had a big ol’ party. I saw a lot of jägerbombs being bombed. I did my best on the party front but that big belly didn’t make it easy on the sexy dancing.

Fat snake swallowed a puppy again. Favourite preggers look.

Felt kind of cute. Round but cute. The girls at work gave me compliments for my preggers style. It’s me and the kardashians bringing fashion forward.

The tequila fairy made sure everyone got in the right mood.

These guys ❤

Smart looking people at the party… how I’ll miss these guys… best team ever. For real. I doubt I’ll be this passionate about a team again having built it from scratch.

Got home around 11 and was ready to crash into bed. Supposed to be at work right now but exhausted today. I truly have nothing to do though so no harm no foul.

Bring on Christmas holidays!!

Sometimes lifes just shit

Not a good day. Reasons i cant name here but ive slept about 4 hours and im furious. So no, today can go fuck itself. Its our Christmas party and im sad im feeling this way since i really wanted a chance to have a fun night with my colleagues. But hey, life never really pans out the way you want right…

Right now im eating chocolate being angry. Productive and tasty.

Cant wait for big sis. Need her right now. Decided we are going to have a spa morning one of the days with Agnes. Do facials and nails and watch some easy peasy movie. Thats what you can do when its holiday. And i have like 10 different face masks at home.

Got the team xmas gifts from George and me. Mini bottles of napue. Perfect on the day of the Xmas party.

93 books in a year. 2 a week. Sounds about right. Its been a very sofa heavy year.

Anyways, itll get better. I just have to go through today, have a serious think about some things and look at the future with clear eyes. Its not just me any longer, we are creating a family and our baby is the most important thing.

Keep counting down

Sorry ive just been ignoring the end of decade wrap up. I have zero energy to find photo and reminisce. One day my friends, one day.

But for now i can barely string sentences together as is. We had our last NTC class yesterday and i feel both less and better prepared. To be honest though, im not too worried. People have done this before 🙂

And im done with being pregnant. His kicks are viscious at the moment. Right up in the ribs and giving me a proper jab. W is even more needy right now and sleep is sausaged between my two hairy heroes.

More than anything im just happy and calm. Tired but content. Like the slower pace of life. A bit boring but thats needed sometimes. And in 3 days they arrive. My family. Then it will be everything but boring. It will be laughter and hugs and fighting for the bathroom and love and all the things i want for Christmas.

6 days until Christmas, 9 more days of working and 34 days until EDD. This is what im talking about.

Got a gift from a vendor. The cutest little box. Took it to have baby stuff in. Wine drinking mice feel perfect for that.

Plus cheese and crackers. My dinner last night. Delicious.

Breeding away

I just had a proper ‘damn i feel pregnant and hate being reduced to a breeding body’ moment. I was walking down the street and the pelvic pain (foglossning) is particularly bad today. Its normally manageable but hes shifted somehow so it hurt a lot more than normal. Got stopped by a very sweet woman who turned out to be a nurse. She asked if i was ok. I am but it becomes very apparent you are not on top of your game when stopped in the street.

Then our letting agency contacted me and said that since George paid the deposit he needs to confirm the bank account to have it paid out. He didnt pay the deposit. I did. I handle all our money. I just hate the white middle age men assume its the man that deal with it to the point that they wont pay it out unless he confirms.

So yes, have a very ‘fuck it’ moment hating on men treating women like less capable and the fact that pregnancy literally makes us less capable. On top of that is the fact that my role gets scrapped due to me being preggers. I mean, i could move to Paris but who the fuck wants that?

Anyways. 5 weeks to go. Im in week 35 and the baby is around 46cm and weighs 2.8kg so no wonder is tight in there. I understand why most people go on maternity around a month before here. We have our last NCT course tonight and then its just rolling on til Christmas. Cant wait.

Me in my new fake fur doing some sales shopping at HM. Two long sweaters. That belly and i do not know how to dress any longer and since maternity tights is the dream i got jumpers to rock that in.

Plus the fur is like a lil baby seal. So smooth and shiny.

Christmas party thursday, Lollo glogg on Friday and sister plus family on satuday. I can do this!

Can almost see the finish line

My life has had such a focus shift this last year. From friends and drinks and George and work to this internal journey of growing a baby. This extreme focus on self through the ivf and then the pregnancy. Constantly being in tune with your body and unable to stop yourself from feeling tired or hungry or cranky or whatever else the body goes through right at that moment.

Sometimes i feel lost. The person i know would set herself aside for friends or fun or partner. And liked it. I had grown to like me. Calmer and with less hard edges than when i was 20. Better at saying no but also at just being there for my friends. Better at relationships and showing love. Better at choosing the things that matter.

And now i feel like i need to rediscover me. Who am i as a mum? I have less time and energy for friends and even for George. But im sweeter to Woolly and to my belly. Im calm. Not too stressed out about everything and even the lack of sleep is manageable.

There are worries in me about returning to the shut down, sometimes callous or even cruel me of my youth. The one that hid hurt with a joke. I dont want to be that mum. Or that partner. I want a hug to be the answer to someones sadness. And i want kindness to be the answer to my own sadness.

Anyway, enough with the rambling. Right now its all about the last 5 weeks of brewing this lil baby. We are getting there people.

On Friday we met up with our favourite danes. Absolutely adore these guys and not sad they live in Spain. Hello maternity leave…

Dressed up my boys because thats what i do. George had gotten a christmas beard kit in the advent calendar and him and W shared brotherly.

On Saturday the mission was to get the bed ready.

And we made it! Yes, its all grey but i happen to like grey. At least the sleeping bag is orange so he wont look like a little grey mouse in there.

It fits perfectly in our room and its crazy that everything is kind of in place now.

Well, its getting hawt in here.Both me and Lukas are suffering from the cramped living situation. The heartburn is real and even if lungs are better now that belly has dropped he is instead headbutting my pelvis like some kind of wrestling pro.

Got my gorgeous flower delivery. Man these makes me happy. Best £18 every second week in my life right now.

On Sunday the mission was baking saffron buns. I set off with our swede recipe but had no kesella so had to wing it.

But, i made it. Look at these yellow goodness buns right there! In my family we always make them as buns with extra sugar on top. Makes them a little sweeter and easier to make.

Christmas is now sorted. This will be all im eating.

At our NCT class they said we should eat less white flour to prepare the body for birth. Fuck that. There are sacrifices and then there is torture. That is just pure torture my friends.